Joint Party - no gift

[KinderEggg]

AIBU to be peed off?

A parent has been asking since year 1 to do a joint party with both our sons. I said no last year as I didn’t really know them and she asked again this year so I relented.

I bought their son a gift - asked what he liked etc.
She asked what my son liked etc and said she wanted to buy him something he liked. But she came empty handed and gave no gift.

Her son also tried to remove my son’s name from the board and then punched my son on the hand when my son told him off. I saw it and told him not to punch my son, and he started crying.

This.

I am surprised so many people are fine with what happened.

Me too… maybe they are like her too.

Exactly! That’s more than old enough to understand not to touch others

Petty?
No she doesn't.
She comes across as someone who cant quite believe the bad manners of other people and I'm with her....

Can you expand on why thats relevant to the not bringing a present /child getting punched scenario?
Is there a sliding scale of how much effort she went to as to whether its appropriate for her child to get punched and done out of a present?

Petty for not liking being tricked into doing all the work for a joint party and giving a pricy present to the other birthday boy to boot?

Calm down!

The OP was the one who mentioned it. I was asking a question.

Didn’t you start this thread early this morning, and then have it deleted? In any event – what everyone else said. Chalk it up to experience.

yes I explained earlier, my username was outing so changed it. I still wanted to know if I was AIBU…

So was I.... what's the relevance?

What a mean, passive-aggressive jibe.

Do you really believe that people only like to receive presents for birthdays, Christmas or whatever - even when reciprocal - because they desperately need them and couldn't otherwise afford to buy them for themselves?

Giving a present for a birthday - especially when somebody has given you one for yours - is a very normal, established social act and a simple demonstration that you respect the recipient and want them to be happy.

You don't have to offer to pay off their mortgage for them; just a small box of chocolates or a simple toy (if a child) makes people feel cared about and valued.

To be honest, her son is sounding more like the kind of child who should be told that he needs to start to learn to behave if he wants to have a birthday party at all - rather than being allowed to surf ungratefully on the back of somebody else's (possibly somebody who is more popular, as he is a nice, kind friend to people?) and then still kick off.

I think YABU sorry.
-Yes, you were right to correct the kid when he was removing the name and he shouldn't have punched, but on the other hand, emotions run high at parties, and its not something I would dwell on.
-If she said the present was in the car then probably she forgot to bring it in. I also wouldn't fall out/stress out over a present. They get loads at these parties. Maybe she's having a hard time financially.

Definately no financial worries. She was wearing designer head to toe at the party. She also spent loads on the cake….whereas I made ours from scratch etc. Nothing wrong with either but finance is not the issue.
I just would not, not give a gift to a birthday child at their party…

I have heard some mums go to charity shops for any birthday parties so the toy/gift doesn't cost so much. I would if I had to get children gifts on a regular basis. It doesn't sound like the joint party worked well and the other child didn't seem to behave well. Like other posters have said it would be best not to do a joint party. It didn't seem very good from what you said.

Your present was organising the party for the feckless mum!

Did you ask her what her son wanted after she asked you what your son wanted?

Have you any idea why she might be doing that

Can you? I have never seen anything less than £20.
Then again, I suppose I only take notice of the Lego that appeals to adults so I would expect that tends to be more expensive. I withdraw my remark then if you can get child focused Lego stuff for as little as that.

I think it's fair enough if they're struggling for money; but it seems very cheeky if folk are happily taking their kids to enjoy multiple parties and then grumbling about being expected to spend a tenner or so each time on a half-decent present for the child whose parents have paid a lot to host their child.

https://amzn.eu/d/cQSohVq

an example…

No idea… I thought it was we can do joint parties.

Oh that's cool! And only £7.99.

Yes that is very reasonable, ignore me then. The last Lego I bought was for DH and cost about 20 times that so clearly we are in a different Lego demographic

Lesson learned - never do a joint party with a random person you hardly know! Of course she should have bought a gift. And yes should have chased up reminders as planned, but of course she didn’t, because; she thought Kinder can do it instead! as this person is a CF, but u didnt know this, as u wasn’t really friends with her

You really don’t like this person do you

Did you do party bags?

the cake she brought… all attendees welcome to it?

and costs split 50:50?