Page 2 | Joint Party - no gift

KinderEggg · 2025-09-29T07:47:33+00:00

AIBU to be peed off? A parent has been asking since year 1 to do a joint party with both our sons. I said no last year as I didn’t really know them and she asked again this year so I relented. I bought their son a gift - asked what he liked etc. She asked what my son liked etc and said she wanted to buy him something he liked. But she came empty handed and gave no gift. Her son also tried to remove my son’s name from the board and then punched my son on the hand when my son told him off. I saw it and told him not to punch my son, and he started crying.

ACynicalDad · 29/09/2025 09:30

I would only ever do a shared party with a really close friend, lesson learned. I wouldn't have bothered posting, it's one of those things.

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 29/09/2025 09:30

I’d have been annoyed too (so perhaps I’m petty). Maybe her son doesn’t integrate as well as yours hence the eagerness to have a joint party. You were kind and have done it - no need to do it again or to mention your reasons. Hopefully both boys had a good time.

cannynotsay · 29/09/2025 09:31

Why is everyone ok about a 8 year old punching another kid? It’s out of order

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 29/09/2025 09:32

I would let it go and never do a joint party again.

Whenever we have done a joint party we have agreed no gifts for the birthday children from each other.

SirBasil · 29/09/2025 09:34

I would say to her: this is what happened, and this is why i have always said "no" in the past.

But only if you really want to discuss it with her. Otherwise let it go, but don't forget and if she asks again tell her "no, last time it was shit"

I am not in line with most of MN i think in that if i saw a child touch my child with bad intent (push, shove, punch, slap, pinch etc) i always immediately used "stern voice" and don't do that again it hurts". Because i don't have this idea that nobody ever is allowed to look in my child's direction with anything but a beatific indulgent smile.

Crunchymum · 29/09/2025 09:42

KinderEggg · 29/09/2025 09:15

They are 8 years old.

I don’t know, I just wouldn’t turn up to the party empty handed? I thought there etiquette, especially as I organised it all for our sons. She said the gift was in the car. I would never ask for it… I just find it strange you wouldn’t get one?

You think it’s okay for my son to get punched because his name was being removed from the board that said it’s both their parties?

He punched my son in front of me… was I not supposed to say anything? All I said was “No, inserts boys name” and my son proceeded to tell his mum, he punched him and she just sighed.

Maybe people have different etiquettes.
I would not turn up empty handed nor would I be happy my son punched another child at a party.

Edited

especially as I organised it all for our sons

Can you expand on this? Did you do all the planning / organising and she just paid half? How much work did it entail?

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 29/09/2025 09:47

Sounds like the point of asking you for a joint party was so you did all the work for it!
Did she pay her share for it at least, OP?

TheatricalLife · 29/09/2025 09:48

Just see it as lesson learned. No more joint parties and this mum/child combo aren't for you.

SprayWhiteDung · 29/09/2025 10:07

I agree with PP that she saw you as a soft touch who could do all all of the work in organising HER son's party, exploiting the random fact that it was also your child's birthday.

Did she even tell her son that it was a joint party - or did she just keep referring to it as his party to him? After all, unless you're close friends who already like to do things together, it clearly isn't something that you'd normally see as a positive thing: having to share your party with somebody else whom you know a bit.

And did she pay half of the cost?

How did it even work with guests? If it's two close friends, they'd probably have a lot of the same friends in common, and probably their parents would be on good terms too; but when it's effectively two different, non-close people's parties squished into one, that's going to be weird too.

She definitely sounds like one of life's CF takers.

InTheWellBeing · 29/09/2025 10:13

especially as I organised it all for our sons.

So she did nothing but swan in empty handed and benefit from your work!

Gingercar · 29/09/2025 10:38

It seems a bit strange to organise a shared party with someone you don’t know. It was always going to be a bit awkward.

Calliopespa · 29/09/2025 10:40

SprayWhiteDung · 29/09/2025 10:07

I agree with PP that she saw you as a soft touch who could do all all of the work in organising HER son's party, exploiting the random fact that it was also your child's birthday.

Did she even tell her son that it was a joint party - or did she just keep referring to it as his party to him? After all, unless you're close friends who already like to do things together, it clearly isn't something that you'd normally see as a positive thing: having to share your party with somebody else whom you know a bit.

And did she pay half of the cost?

How did it even work with guests? If it's two close friends, they'd probably have a lot of the same friends in common, and probably their parents would be on good terms too; but when it's effectively two different, non-close people's parties squished into one, that's going to be weird too.

She definitely sounds like one of life's CF takers.

Actually op, that might be it: perhaps the child didn't realise it WAS your son's party.

Might also explain why the gift was supposedly secreted in the car!

Tyler4689 · 29/09/2025 10:43

I thought there etiquette, especially as I organised it all for our sons.

If she was the one pushing for this party, and you weren’t that bothered, why did you end up organising it? How did that happen?

Its really weird that she (for a second year running) has pushed for this party yet you ended up doing all the work, and also it’s weird she said there was a gift in the car but it never materialised.

Id be miffed if I were you but I’d move on, she’s clearly not really your friend, just give yourself some distance now and forget about her!

SalamiSammich · 29/09/2025 10:48

KinderEggg · 29/09/2025 09:27

I did…she is always pushing our kids to be friends.

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Unsurprising as I'll bet her son is struggling to make friends of he goes around punching other kids!

You organised it all, no gift, punchy kid... steer clear!

Danioyellow · 29/09/2025 10:50

ResusciAnnie · 29/09/2025 09:16

I read this thread when I got up this morning, and when this was posted I was back from the school run. Why the new thread OP?! 😵‍💫

I thought that. I couldn’t be arsed to post on the original thread bc it’s such a pointless things to post about. Now here it is again

SprayWhiteDung · 29/09/2025 10:51

Calliopespa · 29/09/2025 10:40

Actually op, that might be it: perhaps the child didn't realise it WAS your son's party.

Might also explain why the gift was supposedly secreted in the car!

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Yep, he might have thought that some other cheeky kid had tried to muscle in on HIS party! After all, he wouldn't have a clue about or responsibility for organising anything for the party at his age.

Actually, if there was a present for OP's son - and I kind of think that CF mum most probably did get him something, even just as a strategic small 'investment' to make it less blatantly obvious that she was royally on the take and keep the CF supply pipes flowing (she could have got him something very cheap, even from a charity shop)... I'm wondering if her son believed it to be his sole party, saw a present on the back seat of the car and so opened it, assuming that it must have been given by somebody else for him.

Danioyellow · 29/09/2025 10:55

cannynotsay · 29/09/2025 09:31

Why is everyone ok about a 8 year old punching another kid? It’s out of order

We’re not. But it happened, she told the kid off. The situations resolved. The only sensible solution is to not have another joint party which is a pretty easy thing to do? It doesn’t warrant any threads, let alone multiple. I had a rough night last night and I’m sure I read the first one the op posted at around 3am this morning. It’s really nothing to obsess over to this extent

zipadeedodah · 29/09/2025 10:59

Does your son go without OP? Is that why you wanted her to buy him a present?

At any rate, lesson learned, no more joint parties.

5foot5 · 29/09/2025 10:59

KinderEggg · 29/09/2025 09:24

My son didn’t ask. She asked me what he likes.. I said Lego.

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That's quite an expensive gift...

But the son sounds like a brat and his mum is a cheeky cow. Don't fall for the joint party again.

I don't think you said but did you share the costs for the party equally or was that left to you too?

Original poster

KinderEggg · 29/09/2025 11:00

I said I’d book the party for the school friends as I have abit more time.

She then 2 weeks before the party tried it to invite some family children … I said no , my child won’t know them and I am doing one separate for family. Plus it was already maximum capacity. If you wanted outside people to come, we should have discussed it beforehand.

I told her she can be in charge of reminders… she never did it until I got an email to say I need to hand in the kids food choice and sent her that email. It’s only then she sent the reminder.

I had to ask every child for their food choices as everyone got their own choice so I did that bit too.
She then told my husband how organised I was.

Her child refused to participate in the activity when he realised he wasn’t winning. She admits she’s very competitive so I can see why her child wasn’t happy.

Hopefully she won’t ask again. We weren’t friends per se but she really made an effort when she saw me and was all nicey nice. She did pay her half when I sent the bank details and I did initially think it was a good idea as it’s half the cost.

OP posts:

Original poster

KinderEggg · 29/09/2025 11:03

5foot5 · 29/09/2025 10:59

That's quite an expensive gift...

But the son sounds like a brat and his mum is a cheeky cow. Don't fall for the joint party again.

I don't think you said but did you share the costs for the party equally or was that left to you too?

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Is it? I spent £20 on her child. You can get Lego for as less then £5?!

I made sure I sent my bank details as soon as I booked it.
They are well off so I wasn’t worried about getting half of the money.

OP posts:

nomas · 29/09/2025 11:05

KinderEggg · 29/09/2025 09:23

Ah okay. Thank you for the enlightenment. That’s why I’ve put it on here. I don’t want to be petty! Hence the AIBU?
I think I’m just annoyed that I organised the whole party, went out of my way to buy her son a gift he liked and there was no effort on her part.
I just don’t won’t do joint parties again.

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She is a freeloader cheeky fucker.

Do not invite her son to your son's birthday parties, play dates or anything else.

And no more joint parties!

nomas · 29/09/2025 11:06

KinderEggg · 29/09/2025 11:03

Is it? I spent £20 on her child. You can get Lego for as less then £5?!

I made sure I sent my bank details as soon as I booked it.
They are well off so I wasn’t worried about getting half of the money.

Show quote history

Bloody hell! £20!

You need to get a few £5 gifts in the sale, there is no need to spend more than that.

nomas · 29/09/2025 11:07

Hopefully she won’t ask again. We weren’t friends per se but she really made an effort when she saw me and was all nicey nice.

You are too passive! You need to learn to say no.

PaddingtonBlah · 29/09/2025 11:11

This is ridiculous.

You are not friends with the mum. Your sons are not friends.

You have benefitted from your child having a party with his school friends for half the cost, but you have had the hassle of managing the mum/son who you find difficult/trying/rude. Only you can decide if it's worth it to save half the price of a party.

Personally I would not have been expecting a gift and would have agreed to not buy for each other as the party is a gift in itself. But I also say "no gifts needed" for class parties as it's usually a load of things you don't really have the room for!

I certainly wouldn't pay £20 for a random school mate. That's my price point for nephews and nieces and very close family friends.

I think you have unrealistic expectations and we're always going to be disappointed but you need to put this behind you and say no next time.