Joint Party - no gift

[KinderEggg]

AIBU to be peed off?

A parent has been asking since year 1 to do a joint party with both our sons. I said no last year as I didn’t really know them and she asked again this year so I relented.

I bought their son a gift - asked what he liked etc.
She asked what my son liked etc and said she wanted to buy him something he liked. But she came empty handed and gave no gift.

Her son also tried to remove my son’s name from the board and then punched my son on the hand when my son told him off. I saw it and told him not to punch my son, and he started crying.

She didn’t know what was in my gift, it was wrapped nor would she know how much it was.

Honestly, I'd just let it go but wouldn't have another joint birthday party.

Me and her were stood next to each other in front of them, but she tending to her younger child. He tried to take off my son’s name on the board, my son said “stop”, he got worked up and punched my son on the hand which he used it to try to stop it. I said “no, insert boys name”. My son then turned to his mum and said “insert boys name punched me”. She just sighed.

I definitely will not do that.

She never does it, but today she did?

And your husband said “hi” and she ignored him?

Did you and her message post party? Ie “that was great, the boys seemed to enjoy” that kind of thing?

yes, she usually works Monday to Friday and the grandparent usually picks the kids up.

Ignored him as in the posters who said she will give the gift from her car in the school run, no she didn’t. She ignored it

Oh she didn’t give the gift but didn’t actually ignore your husband.

Weird coincidence that she never picks up and today she did

No we didn’t, I just thanked the people who came in the school group. She ignores my messages quite often and takes days to reply or asks me what my plans are for the school holidays then never follows up with a reply so unless I have to, I don’t bother texting her. If you read one of my replies, I had to chase her to send out reminders as she kept ignoring me.

Have you posted about her before?

If zero contact post joint party, I would presume she maybe now sees that joint parties between your boys aren’t something to do going forward.

did you talk after everyone left?

I know! My husband said she had normal clothes on, so looks like a day off. No, my husband didn’t look towards her to let on. He’s equally annoyed but more so that I agreed to do a joint party as some incidents have happened that I don’t want to go into as it would be too outing. Even though the thread probably already is.

Nope never. Our lives don’t collide nor are we friends.

I’d ask for it to be deleted if I were you. I wouldn’t want anyone at the party to know that I was stewing about the non present other issues relating to the woman and her son.

She said she’s not going throw a party for her son again full stop.

Yes we spoke and all was normal. It’s only when I spoke to my husband, he wasn’t impressed.

Oh dear…. It would seem neither of you have come away feeling very positive about the experience!

I think you need to separate the parent's behaviour from the child's.

Punching your son on the hand, whilst not an acceptable thing, given the situation is forgivable. Children will be children & possibly this child didn't want to share his party/birthday.

I'm wondering if the mother has financial problems which is why she wanted a shared party?

I would never turn up at a birthday party without a present and that is not acceptable. But then I was brought up to never turn up to anyone's house, even if invited for a coffee without a bunch of flowers, box of chocolates, packet of biscuits, chocolate buttons for the children or similar.

I suggest that you learn your lesson & distance yourself from this parent and their child.

OP has explained that.

No I meant about the person generally

She sounds like one of those grabby twats who is a bit thick and doesn’t understand social graces. Chalk it up to experience op. Have nothing to do with her in future.

…Or the kind of people who think your - perfectly normal response - is ‘petty’. It’s not. You sound nice and normal and you have just been unfortunate enough to be tripped up by one of life’s self serving grifters. There are lots out there unfortunately.

8 is too old for this other boy’s behaviour to be excused. I think you’re justified in feeling aggrieved.

And I’d ask about the present too. The other family sound like CF freeloaders.

Or she's realised that she got what she wanted this time, but OP clearly won't get fooled again and has been taken for all she will give; so draw a line under it and start looking for a fresh mug for next time!?!

That’s exactly how I feel. She got what she wanted.

Hey OP they do sound quite annoying!

if she said the present is in the car then maybe she'll give it to you late

£20 is a lot to spend if you're not friends

If she asks next year just say no! If she asks why you can say it seemed like just as much work so may as well!

Cripes! This reminds me of when I forgot to bring a present to a party my DD attended. I did leave it in the car but had parked away.

Anyway completely forgot about it and months later I found it underneath one of the seats (a Kids
zone gift voucher).

I spent it on a Christmas present for one of mine! 😳