To think it’s impossible for me to work?

[VanillaBerthaCake]

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

Also a lot can change over the period of pregnancy and maternity leave. Take the enhanced, squirrel it and be prepared to return. We’ve got a budget to get through first.

Yes of course there are work settings where it’s an absolute no go for good reason. I don’t think a call center is one of them tbh. And I’d not do a job that required no phone at all for long periods of time if I had a young baby / If other parent wasn’t readily available.

Case in point - was meant to finish at 6 today - got a last minute angry caller, was stuck until 7. I’m still not home. Would be simply impossible with a baby. I’d lose a fortune in late pick up fees. It’d work if they allowed me to just do mornings but they don’t. I’d also need to be let off doing the 1 in 3 Saturday shifts but they won’t allow this as they say it’s unfair to let other people off Saturdays but not others

My response to the caller that said I wanted to go on benefits to fund the “2 holidays a year lifestyle” got deleted because I swore in the response. I’m still baffled by that because I never once mentioned benefits, it never occurred to me.

Have you looked into getting a childminder instead?
Personally I'd be looking for a new job which fits in with your family life after you have had the baby

Quit your job after materny pay…take the max…
then look for another job that fits your requirements so wfh and decent hours…

Do you want to work? If not and you can make the numbers work great. If you’re planning another baby with a short age gap perhaps go back after a year already pregnant or soon after so you’ll get another year of mat pay. If you do want to work you’ll be able to find a call centre job with PT hours or a nanny who can work shifts to suit your partners schedule. Some nurseries and Childminders also support shift patterns (days rather than late nights etc, so you’d need to change your 6.30 finish). Have you actually talked to your manager about what options might exist?

Hold your horses. She’s not. She’s simply comparing the additional cost of the nursery with her income. Doesn’t matter which of them pays it, or if they split it 50:50. The sums are the same for the household.

If you’re married I’d consider staying at home for a few years. Cut out the holidays and drive an older car too. If you’re not married then don’t give up your job as you have absolutely no financial security.
Hopefully you’ve both been saving for a few years before planning your family. Two full time workers who can afford two holidays and a new car should have £££ saved .

I don’t understand why you would need to pay for five days of nursery if your partner was having your child for 3 days. Lots and lots of nurseries and childminders allow you to do 2/3 days per week. Some childminders also do more extended hours until 7.

i think because it’s not set days…her doea
4 days on and four days off rolling so it’s never the same days each week.

It’s not ‘impossible’ for you to go back to work, but it sounds like you are inflexible and that therefore it would be inconvenient and that the benefits might not outweigh the positives, at least if you are thinking short term. If you don’t want to go back to work and it works for you and your DP for you to stay at home then that’s a valid decision, if just make sure you have considered your long term financial security and your prospects and aren’t just looking at the fact it will make life harder in the baby and toddler years. If you give up work and you and DP split up will you still be able to support yourself and get back into work? What will your pension look like if you give up work? Don’t just look at the fact it will be tough whilst your baby is in childcare, you need to look at the bigger picture of your life and future.

I worked in a call centre. It's a fast way to ruin your health. Look for another job as fast as you can.

I agree with this.
Personally I don’t think your current hours are sustainable with a baby / toddler / young child and you may feel very differently about them and work in general / how many hours you do and want baby in childcare etc for, once baby arrives.
If your current employer won’t consider changing your hours then leave and find something similar or different with more suitable shifts / hours around your new family life.

Have you thought of becoming a childminder. You can work from home with your child. Beware, you have to love children and be prepared to work hard with lots of rules and regulations in place for safeguarding etc. I’ve been doing it for 5years.

I was similar after having kids so I became a childminder for a few years until I found a job that fitted around the school hours/days.

When you have kids you just do what you can.

Me and DH have been here. We adopted 2 kids due to my infertility. We have never used protection, even now. 6 years after we met I fell pregnant. Our other children were toddler/pre schooler. I was working full time. The childcare for 3 would have left only a small amount each month and I wanted to enjoy my baby, spend time with the kids and take all the pressure off both me and DH juggling everything. I was a SAHM for several years and it was the best thing for us. All cash went into a joint account. I don't regret it. I got a job when we both felt the time was right. I had a career before, but I enjoy the job I do now more.

That's a major assumption you are making about their savings when the Op says they have been through ~ expensive!! ~ IVF.
Just to digress a bit ~ please tell me that you are paid overtime for the extra time you have to put in when calls can run over by an hour. If not, that stinks.
And surely there are loads of call centre or similar jobs you could pick up following maternity leave. Your heading that it will be "impossible to work" is OTT. What about sole parents who manage to do so.

What about using a child under?

Minder, not under

Why can't your DP put in a flexible working request for set shifts?
I know many people who do shift work that have been granted set shifts after having kids due to the caring responsibilities. Childcare usually can't simply follow a changing shift pattern.
It sounds like your work are very inflexible. This isn't really compatible with having children unfortunately. I'd be looking for another call centre job with more child friendly hours, or get DP to request set shifts so you can get childcare for the days he works and he can have them on his days off.
If you'll be financially comfortable and you are both happy with it, then be a SAHM.

Im guessing that wouldn’t work because there will be a shift that work opposite him…it would mess up the shifts for everyone then and im also guessing he may lose money that way too he would lose shift allowance for the unsociable hours. Thats how it works in my workplace anyway.

You know you and your DH are meant to split the cost of childcare equally don’t you? So it’s not that you’ll be left with a few hundred after paying for nursery. And by the time your mat leave ends the new free hours will have come in at nurseries. If you and DH earn less than £100k you won’t pay for much nursery cover anyway.

It is hard when you have to juggle home life and work, would you get the help with childcare costs? You could look at a career change and try do the nannying yourself and take kids in. That way you could look after your own child while having other peoples. Alot of new mums go this route. You could train for this while on mat leave so you are ready.

If you can survive on your partner's wages ( and he is willing to share them completely) fine- but you won't be able to claim Universal Credit because they will expect you to look for a job and as you are a call centre worker they will find you a job- the fact the childcare costs the same more than you earn is not factored in, you can't claim UC without being in work, or being available for work. The high cost of childcare is not the responsibility of the DWP so it won't enable you to claim.