To think it’s impossible for me to work?

[VanillaBerthaCake]

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

Yes this would be ideal really. I wouldn’t mind outbound calling. I know they get some abuse over the phone but I’m well used to that. If possible could you DM me company names if you know? Or the sector? No problem if not

Do what suits you and your family. I'm sure many will tell you how important it is to work and be financially independent but taking a few years out of a £19,000 pa job to look after your baby is not going to have a long term negative impact on you.

My advice, having been through the mill with nursery costs and come out the other side, is to stop seeing work in terms of what you will take home now. Instead, see it as an investment in the future.

Yes, you’ll have less money each month, but by working through these difficult nursery years you’re future-proofing your finances, your career and your personal position. If you give up work now, you’ll find it really difficult, mentally and logistically, to get back into the workplace later. You’ll also make yourself very vulnerable should your relationship break down.

We had a similar complicated work set up where I was working long hours and then DP was working at sea for weeks at a time. Realistically it’s not feasible without flexible work/decent childcare/family help - or a combination of the 3!!

In our situation - DP kept his job as he was the higher earner and while he’s incredibly skilled, he’s skilled in his profession which would require him being away for periods of time regardless of who he worked for.

I had previous admin and retail experience so gave up my job and moved to a retail position 3 days per week. The money isn’t great and until DS turned 3, everything I made was paid back out in childcare etc but it kept me working and kept my foot in the door. When DS turned 3 we got his funded hours and that really helped 😊
I made the decision then to stay in the retail position until DS starts school as already tied in with our nursery setup.

We also got married - nothing fancy, just a tiny basic registry office ceremony 😊

When DS starts school I’ll be looking for something else as we have no childcare options that fit around my work/school hours 😊

Have you looked into getting a childminder instead?
Personally I'd be looking for a new job which fits in with your family life after you have had the baby

You need to get married and soon.

If your partner drags his heels on this it tells you all you need to know. Don’t quit your job without getting married! Having a baby is a huge strain on a relationship and you need the financial security before you give up your job.

Saying that I would be looking for something else part time, even retail work etc. I wouldn’t feel comfortable just living off my husbands income especially if it was £40k per year. Children are also expensive!

How is being married going to give OP financial security?

You dont need to get permission from mumsnet, which is traditionally very anti sahm. What do you actually want to do?

Making yourself financially dependant on someone you aren’t married to makes you very vulnerable indeed. MN is full of threads from women who did just that and became victims of financial abuse or found themselves left high and dry when the relationship turned sour.

Because if her partner leaves her when they’re not married she won’t be entitled to any of his assets? Presuming he keeps paying into a pension etc whilst she’s not working. If they are married OP will be entitled to this. Also important if both names are not on the mortgage and both aren’t contributing? If they’re not married OP is relying on child maintenance and we’ve seen plenty of stories in here where men suddenly falsify their earnings so they don’t pay.

It sounds like you want a few years at home and that it would be much simpler and more enjoyable for you. Sit and have a proper discussion with your fiancé about this.

look at a childminder instead of nursery, sometimes more flexible and often work out cheaper

Based on what you said I’d leave. Do your mat leave and look for something more family friendly when you are ready. You need a daytime job ideally between 8-530. You could look for something part time to save on nursery fees.
you will get the funded hours though and when you are not working you may be entitled to UC. Also you will get child benefit once baby is born. That will cover your national insurance too for you.

What a judgemental, nasty comment. As if most people have that choice.

@namechangetheworld “we earn” implies you both work and benefit from 2 x tax free allowance and lower NI costs.

We lived off an awful lot less than that with 4 DC but for the average current housing costs and current inflation rates £41k for one salary dependent on housing costs really isn’t much especially if they live in the southeast, have travel to work costs, need to wear smart clothes etc.

Hopefully the OP can find a more family friendly employer.

I agree that this job is incompatible with a baby. Or at least with a baby and a happy life.

Taking the enhanced maternity is likely to cause you more issues (although it feels wrong they get away with this).

But you do need to be married if giving up work. You'll have to do so for a few months but after that I'd try and stay in some kind of work even if it's an evening shift in a pub or a different kind of call centre work with a better shift pattern or home working.

Better to start applying before you really need it..

Doesn't sound like there are any assets - definitely she needs to be on the house deeds (rather than the mortgage).

This is constructive dismissal for getting pregnant. They do it to avoid paying maternity leave as everyone does what you are doing. Join a union and challenge it.

Admin work would be great for you. Look at the health service or civil service. Much less stressful than call centre but transferrable skills. Plenty of part time roles, many accommodate term time requests when it comes to that time. Also normally Flexi time and hybrid in many of them. Your partner's income is not enough for 3 when children's expenses come into play. You also aren't married so not working is not a good idea. You want to be at home and are looking for reasons to be at home which is understandable, but not on the income you would have and without the stability of marriage. You need to think about your pension when the time comes, work experience to get back into work when your baby is in school etc, and I say this all as a stay at home parent!

Why do you think this? Most people pay into a pension through their employer? And her partner could have savings.

Besides this I also think marriage is a good indicator of his commitment and I wouldn’t give up work completely for someone else to finance me if they wouldn’t demonstrate this?

I just want to say that your attitude towards all this OP is admirable. You're trying to make a tricky situation work, you're prioritising health and wellbeing, you're not shirking your responsibilities, you and your DP are being very fair to each other. It's refreshing on MN, frankly!

I think you're doing the right thing waiting until the baby is here then looking for PT work. Your current work environment doesn't sound suited to having a baby at home. It's awful going back, but you get used to it and as your baby becomes a toddler and then a small child, they will benefit greatly from a couple of full days at nursery and three days at home. It's great prep for school and a great balance for all in those pre-school days, and your extra income will pay for those little extras. Just one question: do you plan on having more than one child? You may need to look further down the road than just this one mat leave if so.

Good luck with it all!

I am struggling to see how working doesn’t make financial sense if your mortgage is only £600 per month. We have 2 DD’s in nursery for 40 hours a week for a total cost to us of £1050 (after their 30 hours and the 20%). If you want to be a SAHM mum then great, but if you don’t you definitely have options.

It doesn't sound impossible to work. You both need flexible working requests and to find a decent childminder who can work around your diaries. Tbh it's ideal if your dp can work weekends, it sounds like you might only need childcare a couple of days a week.

It's absolutely fine if you can afford it and you don't want to go back to work, of course. But, will you be able to go back when it's time? I know it's a personal choice, but I'm glad I kept working when the dc were tiny as I'm now in a senior role with lots of flexibility and much better pay. And teenagers are expensive! Just be sure you've thought it out for the future, not just the next couple of years.

Yep sure, will do. Tbh I don't think they get that much abuse, it's just surveys so the horrible ones just refuse to do it.

Take the enhanced with a view to paying it back.

You'll be glad you did if your partner loses his job and you need a job to cover the bills. It's important to keep your options open as long as possible.