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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s impossible for me to work?

230 replies

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 07:25

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Topjoe19 · 29/09/2025 09:12

Get married.

I personally wouldn't return to that job. But it is hard being on one wage (I was a SAHM for 3 years & it was hard being skint) so I would make a plan to find a job with better hours. Civil service is very family friendly.

Itstheshowgirl · 29/09/2025 09:17

I agree your current job sounds unviable OP. Since you are experienced in call centre work you may be able to find something part time, a swift search in my area showed some 10am - 2pm call centre shifts. Something like that a few days a week would be ideal then you could find a childminder.

However I get the sense from your posts that you don’t want to return to work after having the baby and as long as you have thought that position through and your partner is ok with it then you really don’t have to be justifying yourself on MN.

Upsetbetty · 29/09/2025 09:26

Letstradegums · 29/09/2025 08:02

Really helpful.

Well yes if they had thought it through it would have been helpful…people need to actually think things through! She has 4 months left now and she’s panicking! A bit of forethought wouldn’t have gone astray.

Gremlins101 · 29/09/2025 09:27

Personally, i would look for a reduced hours job to go to after maternity.

I had to reduce my hours and eventually changed jobs altogether when I found one that suits better around my kids. I can't see any joy in working your hours for little return and barely seeing my baby.

I dont understand your statement that it is impossible to work however. It's possible to work but impractical with your current job/hours.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 29/09/2025 09:28

UncertainPerson · 29/09/2025 07:38

Why are you assuming nursery costs should come out of your wages? Only half should.

This is irrelevant if they pool finances. The nursery fees should just come out of their joint account.

Theroadt · 29/09/2025 09:30

It’s up to you, your DH and your finances as to whether you choose to work or not whilst your kids are small - there is no reasonable/unreasonable about it! But I do find your thread a bit binary - surely you could find a part time job elsewhere if you wanted to continue working, or needed to?

Chiseltip · 29/09/2025 09:31

Zempy · 29/09/2025 07:29

You just need to put in a flexible working request to change your hours so you will be on time to pick up at nursery.

If you have a trade union rep they can help you with this.

I definitely wouldn’t stop working in your position.

Yeah, because that works.

🙄

Lanzarotelady · 29/09/2025 09:32

Noshadowsinthedark · 29/09/2025 07:50

If you weren’t well enough to go back you could be signed off for this period.

Great advice, and we wonder why people have little sympathy with people who are off on long term sick!

Beeloux · 29/09/2025 09:33

I don’t think it would work unless they let you not work weekends or you have a family member who could offer childcare.

Could you look for a standard 9-5 job? I’m a single parent and find shift work would be impossible as I have no family who would offer childcare on weekends/early morning/nights. Also nurseries tend to only let you put the children in set days if it’s part time. Otherwise you would need to pay for full time hours.

ERthree · 29/09/2025 09:36

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 29/09/2025 07:33

Why would you be paying the whole cost of the nursery? Your DP should be paying half

Nursery is to enable both parents to work

they may have a joint account so it doesn't matter who "pays" it and bottom line is the household income is down exactly the same amount.

NewPersonHere · 29/09/2025 09:37

I voted yabu because these are the things you both should have thought through before committing to having a child together.

It’s incredibly difficult to raise a family, and finances are one part of that. I suggest either finding another role with suitable hours, or retraining to expand your options. If your husband can support the family financially for a year or two, could you do an apprenticeship for something lucrative? Are there better opportunities nearer either of your extended families and could you consider relocating and living with family temporarily.

Realistically, welcome to the club. As a matter of priority, sort out birth control.

AgnesMcDoo · 29/09/2025 09:41

This is parenting.

childcare costs are a few hard years to get through.

put in a flexible working request to change your hours

Bipitybopitybo · 29/09/2025 09:47

For all those saying DP needs to pay half… when you are pooling your finances jointly it really doesn’t make a difference. At the end of the day you are spending what you are being in on childcare.

I would do the following

  • don’t take the enhanced mat leave
  • when you are ready - start looking early for jobs that can fit in around nursery hours. Your current job is not exactly high paying to justify the extra cost of wrap around child care
  • good employment options for 9-3 work include schools reception, ta, super markets. As long as you are over 16 hours you will have access to the funded hours
with a low mortgage I think you are in a good position to look for more flexible employment as opposed to forking out for wrap around childcare care
UnicornLand1 · 29/09/2025 10:07

I wouldn't work in such a high-pressured, inflexible job for so little money. I earn similar self-employed working from home, very flexible. Do you know languages? Can you do tutoring or teach AI? I suspect, you'd earn pretty much the same if you put your mind to it. Why don't you try it during your maternity leave and then you can decide based on your earnings whether it's worth it?

Zempy · 29/09/2025 10:08

Chiseltip · 29/09/2025 09:31

Yeah, because that works.

🙄

I have seen it work for many people in a call centre environment.

FeedingPidgeons · 29/09/2025 10:19

I changed jobs when my oldest was born, was on shifts before and took up a 9 to 5 when she was 13 months.

You aren't married, your partner is also a low earner. You would be insane to give up work.

You seem to think it's either your current job or nothing at all. Why is that?

Try harder to get something suitable, retrain if necessary.

samthepigeon · 29/09/2025 10:30

I am surprised that you can't work part-time; I would have thought that the job would be a perfect role to fulfil part-time; however, you know how it works better than me.
Remember nursery fees are only for a finite amount of time. Getting back into work after having kids is hard; it shouldn't be, but it is.

Could you cut back financially on some of the non-necessities in the short term?
Or are you actually just rather burnt-out, and want to leave anyway?
Personally, I would hang on, get the mat leave etc, and as soon as I am back after that, I would look for another job.
Good luck.

DarkTreesWhisper · 29/09/2025 10:33

redskydelight · 29/09/2025 09:02

I'd

  1. Get married
  2. Take the enhanced package and save it
  3. Find a childminder who can cover the longer hours
  4. Spread out your accrued leave to enable you to work fewer days in the short term
  5. See how the job goes
  6. Realise that "a few hundred left after nursery costs" is pretty good. Many parents have scarcely anything once childcare is paid. I'm mentioning this, as you do need to change your mindset - your current nice lifestyle is going to take a back seat for a good while.

I agree with this, also consider extending your mortgage term to reduce your monthly payments down if possible whilst you have a baby or young children. You can always reduce the term later or overpay and reduce the term that way.

My friend basically took one day off a week holiday rather than taking it in chunks to help cover her for the first year she returned back to work. She agreed this before returning and the place was child friendly. She also worked in a call centre but it was huge so being off a day every week had no real impact on the company plus it was child friendly.

ThatLemonJoker · 29/09/2025 10:36

Yesitssad · 29/09/2025 09:09

OP Join a union now then you can get representation for your request and if you are discriminated against by your employer.
It makes a huge difference- don’t assume what they are doing is legal.

Yes I would have thought that a blanket refusal of part-time working could amount to sex discrimination but it depends if the OP wants to have that fight.

YourNeedyLurker · 29/09/2025 10:37

With your call centre experience try something like NHS 111 or a in a police force call handling position. You could work weekends and nights and with shift allowance earn more than you do now on less hours.

Scottishskifun · 29/09/2025 10:41

As others have pointed out childcare costs are not solely the responsibility of the mother costs for children should be shared.
2: Do your sums can you go part time to 3 or 4 days a week? - this worked out cheaper for us and more manageable.
3: look at childminders rather then nurseries.
4: Join a union a year return to work for enhanced mat leave sounds excessive there is elements in law of unreasonable clauses.

nightmarepickle2025 · 29/09/2025 10:42

Depends what the £500 left a month has to cover really

Heronwatcher · 29/09/2025 10:45

You absolutely shouldn’t stop working completely. You are not married. Your partner isn’t on a massively high income. You have a modrtgage. You’re bringing a mini money-pit into the world!

Especially if you want more than one child, you need to think long term. If you’re out of the labour market, will you be able to afford a bigger house, extra curriculars, school trips, driving lessons and university? Most families need two incomes unless they have a very high earning partner. What’s the long term plan here. Also if your partner became ill, lost their job or your partnership ended, what would you do then?

I would take the enhanced maternity and then deal with how you go back when it happens. The policy on part time work might have changed by then, or you may be able to find a nursery with slightly more flexible hours.

I’d also though try to save in case you do need to pay the maternity package back.

Worst case scenario, if you need to take 2-3 years out it’s not the end of the world, but in your position I would be re-training with the aim of increasing earning potential. Not just becoming the house dogsbody. Maybe as a learning assistant, some kind of social care or whatever your background is in, so you can go back part time (eventually) but still bring in a good wage.

casualcrispenjoyer · 29/09/2025 10:46

I wouldn’t bother going back to this job either, but I don’t think your DH is well paid enough for you to be not working.

your current job is not well paid enough to juggle all the moving parts and insane cost of wrap around care. And your DH doesn’t earn enough to cover any retaining, pension contributions and savings contributions to you. £500 can easily be gobbled up by a change of interest rate on the mortgage and a car breaking down. That’s if he even gets the overtime. That isn’t a given.

Take the full package and stick it in a savings account as pp have suggested, but just start looking for something different. Can you do nights at a call centre?

customer success team? Most of these are remote and may cover different time zones?

some retail roles with crazy long opening ours can yield decent take home pay for a small amount of time.

trains/bus work also has early starts so DP could do a nursery run in the morning and you could collect at lunch if you find a nursery that lets you do half days.

you could make the same amount of cash in a variety of other jobs, which wouldn’t need the wrap around care or logistics.

BundleBoogie · 29/09/2025 10:47

I would aim to stop working at the call centre, aim to make lifestyle savings to mitigate and shortfall in your net income and enjoy a few years at home with DC.

You could look into small income generators you could do from home if you wanted - buying and selling things, signing up as a virtual assistant, even set up as a child minder as it sounds like there is demand in your area. Set up a little cake business.

I would look into new opportunities that you could use to replace the small amount you’d have left over after nursery costs and enjoy it.

I worked for myself from home for years doing various things while the kids were small and it was lovely.