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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s impossible for me to work?

230 replies

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 07:25

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

OP posts:
TennisLady · 29/09/2025 11:35

As others have said, get married now. Don’t think you’ll do it later as once baby arrives etc you’ll keep putting it off. If you’re planning to give up work or go part-time etc this is the most important thing to do.

FairKoala · 29/09/2025 11:38

UncertainPerson · 29/09/2025 07:38

Why are you assuming nursery costs should come out of your wages? Only half should.

But overall the cost comes out of total joint income and if one person is only bringing in the cost of the nursery fees it is only natural that person if they really want to becomes a SAHP they do so.

Overall as a family the money in and money out is the same.

Demezel · 29/09/2025 11:43

People may disagree with me but personally I would enjoy time off with your baby and think about work when they are a few years older. If you can afford it do it.
I stayed home many years ago until mine were all at school, then I forged a new career and it worked out well.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 29/09/2025 11:43

You sound like you are trying to convince yourself into becoming a SAHM with loading all the costs against your own salary, the logistics of drop offs and pick ups, the benefit of ability to prep food etc.

It's very easy to think the grass is greener as a SAHM. It's bloody hard work working full-time with small children. But you will make yourself incredibly vulnerable if you go down this road. Not least, you will end up as the default parent.

Start talking to your partner about how you are both going to adjust your lives and your budgets.

vickylou78 · 29/09/2025 11:43

Remember childcare is paid out of you and your husband's incomes combined and is a joint cost.

Remember that giving up work will have implications on your pension and you'd have to buy back pension contributions etc.

Remember if you were a sahm you'd have no back up plan should your husband be ill and not able to work.

Look into applying to work for a flexible working request for changing your hours so you finish at 17:30 so you can do nursery collection etc.

vickylou78 · 29/09/2025 11:48

Just read your update re declined flexible working requests. On that case I'd be looking for a different job (it doesn't sound like you enjoy your job at all anyway). I'd look for something 9-5 so you can easily use nursery. Maybe something 4 days a week so you can have long weekend with child.

namechangetheworld · 29/09/2025 11:48

Demezel · 29/09/2025 11:43

People may disagree with me but personally I would enjoy time off with your baby and think about work when they are a few years older. If you can afford it do it.
I stayed home many years ago until mine were all at school, then I forged a new career and it worked out well.

Agree with this wholeheartedly. It's not like OP has a lucrative career she will struggle to get back into. If the household budget can stretch to it, take a few years to enjoy your child OP. And I say this as someone who worked in a call centre prior to having my first child. I would have hated going back to that kind of role after having children, it's not a family friendly job at all. No option for part time work, shifts always running over, always working over the holidays. I took a few years off with both and had no problem at all finding a similarly paid part-time role once they were at preschool.

Edit: definitely tell your partner you need to get married before the child comes though.

Pickingmyselfup · 29/09/2025 11:48

I left my job for similar reasons, shift work that wasn't well paid and working all of the "family" occasions like Christmas and every weekend. It didn't work practically or financially, I was no longer happy in my job so I quit.

Me not working was never an option though, it wasn't affordable 10 years ago and definitely wouldn't be now with 2 children.

So I found a part time evening and one weekend day job just around the corner from my house so no longer a commute and it saved us on childcare. I now work 9-3 4 days a week because both kids are in school.

I know evenings and weekends could be tricky for you but even just a couple of days when you know your other half is around for the baby. A lot of industries like hospitality don't do their rota until last minute which could work in your favour once you know what his shifts are and what you could work.

It's not well paid but it's money coming in and unless you are looking for a career in call centre management then you aren't losing your career either.

I would personally find it a struggle coping on a £40K salary but a big part of why I went back to work is so that we didn't have to make drastic lifestyle changes but it depends how much you are willing to cut.

I don't think you need to make any decisions yet, I quit my job just before I was due to go back after 9 months and I had secured a new one. You still have a good few months of pregnancy left and then once you are sorted and used to a new baby then you can continue looking for something if it hasn't come up yet.

Hippobot · 29/09/2025 11:53

One huge thing you haven't mentioned is the benefit to your baby of you staying at home rather than returning to work after mat leave. It's not just about money, it's about bonding with your child and the child having a secure attachment. From what you've said already, I think you know what makes sense and what you want to do. Once baby comes along, you'll have a whole load of oxytocin feelings to add to those reasons why it makes more sense to leave your job and raise your child, rather than paying someone else to bring up your baby for you. However, be prepared for some relationship challenges with your partner as it's going to be a very imbalanced dynamic. Unless he is very mature and responsible, you may end up on your own and there are financial considerations there when you don't have family support close by.

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 11:54

namechangetheworld · 29/09/2025 11:48

Agree with this wholeheartedly. It's not like OP has a lucrative career she will struggle to get back into. If the household budget can stretch to it, take a few years to enjoy your child OP. And I say this as someone who worked in a call centre prior to having my first child. I would have hated going back to that kind of role after having children, it's not a family friendly job at all. No option for part time work, shifts always running over, always working over the holidays. I took a few years off with both and had no problem at all finding a similarly paid part-time role once they were at preschool.

Edit: definitely tell your partner you need to get married before the child comes though.

Edited

Yes I worry about the call-centre job not being child friendly. If anyone has something come up they get guilt tripped “there’s 200 people in the queue!”. And we aren’t allowed phones in the office to protect customer data so there could be an emergency with baby and I wouldn’t know

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/09/2025 11:56

£40k salaried income isn’t much tbh to cover 2 adults and 1DC.

Bluebigclouds · 29/09/2025 12:10

In your shoes I would take some time off with your baby - you can look for a more child friendly job in a few years - maybe once the baby qualifies for funded hours at nursery.

escapedtheshitshow · 29/09/2025 12:11

This all sounds so, so hard and a different job clearly would be better - but it would have been better to find it before the pregnancy.

Bluebigclouds · 29/09/2025 12:12

RandomMess · 29/09/2025 11:56

£40k salaried income isn’t much tbh to cover 2 adults and 1DC.

Depends on your lifestyle and mortgage.
About that much covers my family - we don't have lavish holidays but we do have money for eating out and things.

babyproblems · 29/09/2025 12:28

In your shoes I’d get married; take as much mat leave as I could, put in a flexible working request; and if that’s refused, quit and look for a new job that would have ‘normal’ hours where you leave work mostly on time.
best of luck and congrats on your pregnancy! Xo

namechangetheworld · 29/09/2025 12:29

RandomMess · 29/09/2025 11:56

£40k salaried income isn’t much tbh to cover 2 adults and 1DC.

We earn £41k for a family of two adults and two children and have a lovely life. Only UK holidays and bog-standard cars, but we own our own 4 bed home, children both do gymnastics, swimming and piano lessions, and we go on lots of days out and weekends away. It's more than doable if you're careful, location dependant of course.

babyproblems · 29/09/2025 12:30

Seeing your last update; I’d probably not accept not having my phone at work with a young child. I’d take the may leave as much as I could then I’d be looking for a new job maybe part time with a set hours with a childminder or nursery.

Lanzarotelady · 29/09/2025 12:31

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 11:54

Yes I worry about the call-centre job not being child friendly. If anyone has something come up they get guilt tripped “there’s 200 people in the queue!”. And we aren’t allowed phones in the office to protect customer data so there could be an emergency with baby and I wouldn’t know

People managed to work before mobile phones.
There are plenty of people who work in environments where they aren't allowed phones.

Lanzarotelady · 29/09/2025 12:32

babyproblems · 29/09/2025 12:30

Seeing your last update; I’d probably not accept not having my phone at work with a young child. I’d take the may leave as much as I could then I’d be looking for a new job maybe part time with a set hours with a childminder or nursery.

My daughter works in a prison, she is not allowed a phone on her at any time due to security.

Jellybunny56 · 29/09/2025 12:36

It’s certainly not impossible, but it would require both you and your partner putting in flexible working requests or potentially looking for alternative roles.

Remember you’ll be entitled to 30 free hours (22 a week if year round) and on top of that you can use tax free childcare to reduce the cost further, both are a great help.

user593 · 29/09/2025 12:37

You could opt in for the enhanced maternity pay, and set it to one side in case you decide to pay it back. You don’t have to decide now.

Having said that, I would just look for another job when your maternity leave is coming to an end. You don’t need a 9-3 job. A regular 9-5:30 job, depending on how far it is from your childcare setting, should be fine. I did this with DC1. I couldn’t rely on DP at all as his work involves late nights at short notice.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 29/09/2025 12:53

How good is the enhanced leave package?

Grammarnut · 29/09/2025 13:02

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 29/09/2025 07:33

Why would you be paying the whole cost of the nursery? Your DP should be paying half

Nursery is to enable both parents to work

Both parents would be working, just one would be doing a job not valued by society and not paid for. About time we changed this.
However, if OP is not married to DP she should not give up her job (sadly).

usernamealreadytaken · 29/09/2025 13:11

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 07:25

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

As well as looking at the funding which is available from 9 months, are you factoring in either childcare vouchers or tax free childcare?
https://www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

Tax-Free Childcare

What Tax-Free Childcare is, eligibility and how to apply.

https://www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

DiscoBob · 29/09/2025 13:19

Could you do a fully home based call centre style role? I know people who do social and market research, so outbound calling. They offer day, evening and weekend shifts you can pick each week so it's quite flexible.

Something like that might be worth a try? It's not salaried so it's basically zero hours contract. But that can work if someone has other unpredictable commitments.