To think it’s impossible for me to work?

[VanillaBerthaCake]

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

You just need to put in a flexible working request to change your hours so you will be on time to pick up at nursery.

If you have a trade union rep they can help you with this.

I definitely wouldn’t stop working in your position.

How does your DP feel about you not working, and not looking for a more child friendly job?

Do you (either of both of you) own your house?

You should really get married before being a SAHM too.

I agree one of you probably needs to look to change jobs but I’m not sure why that has to be your husband? Surely your call centre experience will be pretty transferable so you could look for someone else? Not sure why it has to be 9-3 either!

it may not be easy but that doesn’t mean it’s not doable.

Usually I’m a big advocate for returning to work after mat leave (I work full time and have 2 young girls) but in your case the numbers don’t stack up.
You have a right to make a flexible working request which your employer can only refuse for certain reasons, but unfortunately it doesn’t sound like you’d have much luck with your employer. You should still consider making one though and in it ensure you explain how any impacts on the business can be mitigated. PTS charity are great, but I think they have a lot of cases.

you don’t have to make a decision now. Use your full mat leave and accrued holiday to extend it. Do you have an enhanced maternity policy? Just be careful if you do because if you don’t return you will most likely need to be repay it.

good luck with your pregnancy

You say DP not DH, therefore I assume you're not married, in which case I would absolutely urge you not to become financially dependent on him. But other than that, I take your point.

Why would you be paying the whole cost of the nursery? Your DP should be paying half

Nursery is to enable both parents to work

You have alternated between partner and husband which is significant information given the nature of what you have asked about.

I think a lot of people are in the same position with nursery fees, however the benefit is keeping your job and your pension contributions. I have a few friends who gave up work for a few years for the same reasons and they are now in minimum wage jobs, e.g dinner lady with very little pension provision. I kept working, was part time when DC were very little so I got more time with them. I progressed my career and jumped several career levels once they got a bit older. It’s tough, but even when DH worked shifts it was just about manageable with using a nursery. You get more help with nursery fees these days at a younger age and the benefits of having two wages are enormous.

We’re engaged, haven’t booked the wedding yet. It’s going to be a small registry office thing.

Their mortgage is £600

Why are you assuming nursery costs should come out of your wages? Only half should.

It does look tricky. But have you explored all the options?

could you change jobs?
have you looked into a flexible working request?
have you looked into childminder which might have slightly more flexibility?
i’m sensing that you plan to pay for childcare out of your pay - won’t it come out of joint income?

if you do decide not to return to work, have you thought about your future security? Could you take some time to retrain into a role which is traditionally more 9-5?

My work rejects flexible working requests from entry-level call centre agents unfortunately. People have tried to appeal but it always gets upheld. Every woman there is either in their early 20s or 50s - any one of an age where there is kids involved ends up leaving.

Ok so from what you've said here logistical it would be annoying.

Though I would say have a years mat leave and see if you can find a 0.6 office job 9-5 for yourself e.g. nhs admin, to do once baby turns 1 or 2 and you have secured a nursery spot / childminder

Just thinking about pension, time out of home life, own income stream etc

Of failing maybe look at what business you can start from home my first thought was if you are a good cook perhaps look into providing cater meals for one for the elderly (my family members would buy these from their local club)

And then of course some people actually become registered childminders or retrain to work in nurseries

Sounds like you will the defacto parent taking time off for illness or nursery/childminder holiday or closure so if you can make your DH wage work to support you all at least for the 1st 1-2yrs I would, but look ahead

Look into a childminder, they may have more flexibility with hours.

I have to sort of decide now if I’m going back to this job because if not then I need to opt out of the enhanced maternity package.

Get married. You’re about to give up your financial independence or at least massively compromise your chances of working in a decent paying job.
Ideally you can hold on to at least a small part of your current job. Have you spoken to them about it and what did they say?
I manage a team where the shifts are very variable and the days not fixed. It’s a very common request to work something that works with childcare and we can sometimes accommodate this if it’s not going to impact the whole team too much.
So you could ask for a fixed 3 days with 2 days WFH and try and find a childminder who can cover those days with the later finishing time.
Basically, ask for a conversation with your manager. Work with them. Your job might turn out to be very important if your relationship breaks down and you’re left holding the baby.

The thing that I didn’t really think about when my children were little was the long term picture. Yes, while you’re paying for nursery it feels as though you’re working for very little, but it can be hard to get back into the workplace later on.

You’re not married so your security is zero. Your pension is taking a hit for every day you’re not at work, with zero compulsion on your partner to split assets if you break up.

You can apply for flexible working- it’s worth a shot. Would anyone work in a job share? Can you find similar work closer to home?

Exactly how will finances work?

What is all this "ill only have a few hundred pounds after paying childcare" all about? You, as a family, will be a few hundred.punds better off.

If you don't want to work, fine, but don't complain when you become the default parent and struggle to get a job in 10 years and have no pension built up.

Just seen your update. OK. I would ask for a 2 day contract and accept there will sometimes be times the childcare isn’t used efficiently. An investment in your future. Don’t forget you will also be paying in to a pension.

You don't need to look to Mumsnet for justification. (BTW, I agree you can't continue your current job). But you must get married before you give up work.

It’s not what you asked but this sounds like indirect sex discrimination.

Should anyone ever choose to pursue it.

Ah cross posted. I ended up leaving my job because my flexible work request was denied- I was very lucky to get back into a similar role a few years later, but it took a few years of working way below my previous pay grade. And I had the security of being married. If you’re going to leave your job, insist on marriage .

Well if you have enhanced mat leave you take that, go back for the minimum period and suck up the nursery bills for three months or whatever and look for another job then. I certainly wouldn't miss out on enhanced mat leave in your position

I’d have to go back for a year or pay back the enhanced mat leave