To think it’s impossible for me to work?

[VanillaBerthaCake]

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

Good point

You can usually opt to not have the enhanced mat pay paid until you return, to avoid the paying back issue.
Ask HR. If that’s the case you can just take mat leave with SMP and then if you return to work get the enhanced pay in 1 go. If you don’t return then you don’t get it.

But I don’t buy that about refusing all flexible working. I am sure they could offer an earlier start and finish time, what sort of contact centre is shut until 10am?

It would be madness to stop working, especially these days when maternity leave can be up to a year and free childcare hours kicks in when they’re still fairly young.

why not look at a childminder who can be more flexible about hours? I do get where you’re coming from - although my children are all now adults, there was a period of time when childcare costs equated to my take home pay! We also had to pay double time for the first half hour at nursery because it technically didn’t open until 8am and we needed a 7:30 drop off to get to work on time. We spoke to the nursery and they agreed to make staff available but as I say, it cost double time for that early start. But ultimately it comes down to staying in the job market. When you have children there’s inevitably some short term pain- after all you’re going from two incomes just to fund yourselves as a couple, to factoring in childcare costs too. In the longer term it definitely pays though. There’s a massive differential in the financial situation of women who’ve remained in work and those who haven’t, when you look long term

It does sound like a tricky situation, but the long term consequences of you giving up your job would be worse. The childcare years aren't that long but the effects on your career would last a lifetime.

I think you try and make it work in the short term. Once you are back at work, start looking for a role that is part time and can work around your partner's days off. Maybe he can ask for fixed days off in the week so you know what days you can work? Or maybe look at night shift work?

When is your partner going to see his child when he’s working away most of the time? It doesn’t sound very sustainable. My husband would be distraught to not see his child for that long and definitely be looking for another job with more child friendly hours.

Do it now then. These things have a way of not happening once the baby comes along and then you give up work and then you're fucked. You'll think it won't happen to you, as did the countless women on here who made the same mistake. Don't give up your job until you're married.

I'm not sure getting married is going to add that much security. If the house is in both their names then that's half OP's already. Unless there are a load of assets just in the partner's name but seems fairly unlikely given his salary.

I'm not saying don't get married it simplifies lots of things but there's this idea on Mumsnet that married SAHM will be fine if the relationship breaks down. Only if theres lots of money!

@VanillaBerthaCake I don’t think it’s impossible as you don’t both work shifts and your hours are the same every week. Yes, you will need to pay for 5 days nursery and wrap around for the days your partner can’t collect DC, and if he has her some days instead so be it. You’re not paying for all of it after all. You have to weigh up your own financial security against relatively short term full time childcare.
But you don’t have to decide now. Opt in to the enhanced maternity but SAVE the element above statutory mat pay. You can afford that if you can afford to be a SAHM. Then if you decide not to go back or find you can just repay it. Don’t over complicate things at this point.

You can take it and then pay it back if necessary when you make your final decision OP

Childminder? They tend to have more flexibility on hours and work out cheaper. Share the cost with your partner as you would all benefit from your income longer term.

Hi OP - sounds like you’ve made your mind up not to go back to work after mat leave.

Just checking that you would see any childcare costs as costs to both you and DP? Your OP made it sound like only you would need to bear those costs.

I’d also strongly consider the protections marriage could offer you and whether you want these - as well as whether you plan to / can realistically be a SAHM long term or what your route back into paid work could look like down the line.

Good luck, hope it all goes well!

Edited to add: I would personally take the enhanced mat pay and save it. That way you keep your options open! I wouldn’t want to forgo the money and then find circumstances change.

Sorry but you as a couple don't earn enough for you to give up work completely. And I'd never be financially dependent on a partner.

Do you LIKE the job?

I wouldn't be staying away from my kids for that amount of money with your stressful circumstances if I didn't like my job. But I am married. (Don't have any real assets though so I guess it doesn't make too much difference.)

Surely with call centre you'll be able to get back in after a few years if you choose to?

I stayed home. Childcare options were shit where we were and then I moved overseas and am now "trailing spouse" with two year old. Working on some freelance stuff and studying. Yep I am sometimes angry and bitter, for various reasons. But I think I would have been angry and bitter if I'd had to go out to work and leave my babies for a job I didn't want to do (and jobs I didn't want to do were all the options then.) I'll never regret staying home though your independence, finances and self-respect can take a hit. Because I wanted to be there, and the work I really care about, that is actually linked to my sense of self (writing) I have still been able to do to some extent. Some people have no choice one way or another. Some people want to be at work. It partly depends on what you would rather do and how decent a guy your DP is (really, with as clear eyes as you can manage, not just because you love him.)

Yeah I hear that knee jerk stuff a lot. I'd never be dependent on underpaid and overworked nursery staff to watch my kid but horses for courses I guess.

You are right Op this job won’t work for you.

But tell us about the Enhanced Maternity Pay clause in your employment contract.

How valuable is the benefit and what is the length you are handcuffed to the job afterwards - is there a sliding scale for clawing back the enhanced pay (eg if you don’t return it is 100%, if you’re back for 3 months it’s 75%, 6 months is 50% etc)?

I would take the full 12 months maternity leave and accept the enhanced maternity pay. I would keep the SMP-equivalent my current account for spending but I’d move the rest to a savings account and I wouldn’t touch it in case it has to be repaid.

Follow your company rules, or the advice on gov.uk to apply for flexible working even though you know it will be rejected. You don’t have to do this before your Mat leave - say 3 months before you’re due to return is fine. Let the company reject it and then write back cc HR manager and say you cannot find childcare until 6.30pm so they are forcing you out of the job and you won’t be able to return.

Remember when you are on mat leave you accrue holidays including bank holidays so they have to pay this out to you or let you take the vacation. You could use that money to reduce the amount you have to pay if they claw back the money. Or you could ask if you can book half day holidays on the days you know dh cannot look after the baby so you only need a “morning spot” at nursery.

Before your Mat leave ask your manager to ask provide a written calculation of how much the clawback would be if you didn’t return to work (assuming no change in pay and no change in tax/Ni and ignoring holidays) and ask if you still get to keep your employer pension contributions in this situation. Make sure you get all of that in writing.

see also:
https://workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/contractual-or-enhanced-maternity-pay-or-family-leave-pay/

i would be doing a lot of number crunching before I quit, but it it’s to complex then I’d simply put the enhanced pay in a savings account as mentioned above - this way you buy yourself a whole year to think of a better solution as you can simply pay it back at the end if you can’t make the return to work happen.

I reduced my hours under flexible working. They fitted around nursery and travel time. When I had my second, I gave up work as nursery and wrap around school care would have cost more than than my part time salary. UC might help top up your family income, check what it would be without your job on the benefits calculator. We got benefits when I gave up my job. It wouldn't be for long as the kids grow so quickly. Mine are in secondary school and I'm working again. Nice to go back after a break and see some real money in the bank!

Ps very few companies insist on the enhanced pay being paid back immediately but check if your contract mentions specifically if it’s immediately due if you don’t return to work. Even so, I’ve found most employers are reasonable and allow a repayment each month - you should definitely ask for a repayment plan, don’t tell them you kept all the money in savings! They will know you are out of work and they will expect you spent the money.

It’s the smart thing to do to keep your options open. Who knows what happens in 16 months’ time? Maybe your dp loses his job and he can stay home with the baby while you work out your clawback period and he finds a new job.

Oh and last thing - post things like this in the Work thread and you’ll get a lot of really practical ideas.

This is fantastic advice. Practice surviving on one income and see if it is do-able before committing to it and earn some interest on the enhanced money before paying it back.

It is a no-brainer, keep your options open.

If theres no possibility of a flexible request thrn going back to your job would be very difficult although I'm wondering what other working parents do in your work?
Personally I wouldn't be giving up work - you have little financial security, aren't contributing to a pension etc. I'm sure you could find something part time/better hours within the same industry your skills would be transferable.
40k (which is dependent on overtime) to support a family of 3 will really not go far - I have a similar household income for 1 adult and 1 child, a smaller mortgage and theres rarely a month where there is money left. I had unexpected dental work this month, car needs mot/service next month then there will be xmas. Also bear in mind if you are not working you will 100% be spending more cos you will have the time to wander around shops, take expensive baby classes etc

As others have said, why couldn't you change jobs to find something part time and just use the funded hours?
Given your partners shifts, you could even go on agency books and just take work on his days off - basic admin and reception type work?

Are you actually keen to find a way to earn some income, or is it the case that you like the idea of being a SAHM and want to be able to justify it as being your only option?

I'd

1. Get married
2. Take the enhanced package and save it
3. Find a childminder who can cover the longer hours
4. Spread out your accrued leave to enable you to work fewer days in the short term
5. See how the job goes
6. Realise that "a few hundred left after nursery costs" is pretty good. Many parents have scarcely anything once childcare is paid. I'm mentioning this, as you do need to change your mindset - your current nice lifestyle is going to take a back seat for a good while.

You need to put in a flexible working request so that you’re not finishing at 6pm.

If you think you can manage not working , then stash all the enhanced maternity pay away in a savings account and don’t touch it , you can request flexible working or just not go back and return the money if they won’t give it to you .

OP Join a union now then you can get representation for your request and if you are discriminated against by your employer.
It makes a huge difference- don’t assume what they are doing is legal.