To think holidays rarely live up to expectations

[Tangerinetortoise]

Love the idea of holidays. Also try to keep expectations realistic. Always looking forward to break from mundane routine.

BUT holidays always seem to exhaust me on every level. So much effort. So much overstimulation. Someone is always sick. I find it hard to sleep well away from my own bed, so am either tired and crabby, or taking more sleeping pills than I would like to.

I know this is a first world problem and holidays are by no means a necessity, but AIBU?! And I want to have great family time and give my DC a variety of experiences, but I usually find the whole thing more stressful than enjoyable. 😩

If you have an idea of the perfect holiday you are always going to be disappointed.

Shift your expectations.

Holidays are an adventure, and adventures don't go to plan. That's what makes them fun - the unexpected.

You make them fun by going with it and laughing about the disasters rather than getting upset about them.

If you have an idea of the perfect holiday you are always going to be disappointed.

Shift your expectations.

Holidays are an adventure, and adventures don't go to plan. That's what makes them fun - the unexpected.

You make them fun by going with it and laughing about the disasters rather than getting upset about them.

I love them but we tend to go on theme park breaks because we all love them. Port Aventura for 6 days last May was magical. Not too hot, only a 2 hour flight away, half board so no cooking and DS5 loved every minute.

I've never bothered to attempt a resort-based sun holiday as DS is like a collie dog and we'd end up playing football in the hotel grounds by 7am. I also refuse to camp.

Btw, you do sound like you have some ADHD related issues going on.

Perfectionism is one of them. Struggling with packing no doubt. And then struggling with break from routine.

A list for packing before you start, and starting to pack earlier take a huge amount of stress away. Then understanding that meal times are conflict points because you are hangry and just having the mindset that it's ok and it's normal. Your kids will feed on you feeling stressed so having a different approach helps everyone.

Don't have a strict plan of what you are going to do when. Aim to do something but if it goes south, change your adventure and go with it rather than still trying to do the thing you had planned. So if everyone gets up late that's fine, you just scale back your plans. Take detours and abandon certain ideas.

Of course there may be a few things you desperately want to do - keep them - but tinker round the edges.

Honestly, it's a mindset thing. Look at coping strategies for ADHD - even if you aren't ADHD they are useful for you in learning how to deal with holidays in a more enjoyable way... (Yes for you not your child).

I don't agree. I research holidays with a fine tooth comb before I book anything so it's exactly what we want and I'm rarely disappointed in any way. Obviously you can't help being ill/delays

You’ve mentioned a few times that it’s the overwhelm of being in a new place, new routine etc that gets to you. And that your youngest is hard work, suspected adhd. Do you think you could be ND? These things run in families.

i can relate to how you feel. I find holidays really hard work, probably because we’ve always gone self catered and to places where there’s no childcare or activities for the kids. We are trying out an all inclusive for the first time in Oct as, after a summer holiday to France packing for day trips and then coming home to cook for 15 people I was more exhausted than I would have been staying at home. I have tentative high hopes for it…2 out of 3 of my kids are challenging though (ND) and I think with children like that in tow there’s a limit to how relaxing a holiday can be if they are on it with you! When I want a proper break I go away for a weekend without them. Sad but true; I watch my sister in law on holiday with her kids similar ages to mine and it’s a different experience altogether for her.

Are you spying on me? 🤣🤣 Relate to so much of this, especially the hanger!!!

I'm with you - I find all the organising, packing, travel and unfamiliarity generally pretty stressful and someone always gets sick - at least one of the DC has had D&V literally every time we've been anywhere. It's sad because I have great memories of family holidays when I was a kid - my mum absolutely lived for them and we went to loads of really interesting places. I think for me it's mainly down to general low level anxiety that peaks when I'm out of my normal routine, and one of the DC is the same, so for now at least while they're little we're only really doing trips to visit family abroad. Hopefully it will improve as they get older!

I now have a 'holiday packing list' - with a section to add on for 'hot / water holidays' and a section for UK holidays (where you inevitably take more income maybe food etc) and a section for 'cold holidays' with coats, hats etc. I keep this in a folder and get it out the week before we go, so I don't have to write it every time.

This means I'm not scrabbling around the house at the last minute trying to work out things to pack. It stops a large part of the stress before. DH has been delegated electronics and cables because he drives me nuts with this because he wants certain ones - so it's now his problem to solve whilst I work out everything else. This has stopped so many arguments! I realised it was my weak point and it was better to delegate one task and do everything else rather than packing together too.

Eating out. I get very stressed about this and find that knowing the menu beforehand is a really good way to deal with things. So I now either look up restaurants on trip advisor before I go and look at comments, ratings and menus - and pick a few (so when one is closed unexpectedly / full, you have a plan b). Or we scout out a few when we get there, take photos of the menu and then go back on another day. This way you can help with the kids expectations and say 'we are either going here or here - it depends on which is available. If we go here we will have this, or if we go here we will do this'.

The pack of cards (game of your choice) - especially when your kids get a bit older. They are easy to carry. It means you all interact with each other and the kids are engaged and you have family time. Then (if you absolutely must) devices. But cards first. Having something to do in a restaurant whilst you wait is brilliant. If you have a kid who mucks about the chances are you aren't going to want to go to somewhere swanky where you are going to get stares for doing it.

Eat out at restaurants at lunchtime not dinnertime. It's cheaper, and the kids are better behaved. You have a nice time and you'll all be less hangry. By the time you get to the evening the kids are knackered but they won't be as hungry because they've had a big lunch. Thus doing an evening meal is easier for you and if they do play up it's at the accommodation so you can manage it better.

Also see the supermarket picnic option here as a back up to - bread rolls, packet of sliced cheese or meat, big packet of crisps, drinks as a cheap alternative to eating out. You can always find something that fits this as a rough plan. The kids get used to it, know what to expect and it's cheap. You also aren't fancying around as it's easy to do on the go. (I find foreign supermarkets are fun in their own right). This also means if you find yourself not near the place you planned to eat out, you have an easier alternative if need be that you can do on the fly.

Also simple things like making sure the kids have their clothes out for the next day, when they go to bed. So they know expectations and there's less faffing around when you want to get out the accommodation. Have a bag packed with as much as possible. That way you minimise the arguments in the morning getting out the door. The less you have to do before you leave in the morning, the better.

Honestly it doesn't sound like much or like it will make much of a difference but little things can help to relieve the stress points - these are just some ideas. The key - Identify your stress points on holiday. Start to think of ways to make these stress points easier by having routines from home that follow you and you have routines on holiday that you all know as 'what you do on holiday'. This means everything can be different but they can also feel more familiar and more 'safe'.

Don't try and do too much. This is the fatal thing. Yes maybe plan to do x,y and z but learn it's ok and wise to drop y if you need to. Trying to do too much tends to be a killer. The trap is you want to 'make the most' of the time and keep the kids busy. If you are having a good time, don't feel you have to leap to the next thing. Embrace it.

Simple tricks that work for YOU will make the whole holiday better for the kids, who then don't kick off as much so you enjoy the holiday better. It's a vicious cycle - work out what's causing the most aggro.

(Yes I've been there).

Very helpful - thank you. 😊

Write a holiday packing list now or over a few days when you have time. Not as the date looms! It'll give you the head space without the panic.

There’s the stress I feel when it comes to holidays like the travelling, packing, unpacking, some anxiety that the smaller kids might be unsettled, etc but even with that, I’ve never had an holiday I’ve not enjoyed. We’ve done lots of Haven style UK holidays and gone abroad but always all inclusive so we don’t have to cook or worry about food and they’ve all been good. 3 kids currently between the age of 2 and 12 so they have different needs but overall, it’s all been better than not going away.
We don’t have too much expectations so always end up surprised. I think if the holidays you’re currently having is stressful, try a different type. Do lots of research, read reviews, etc. Places with short flight time and leave from an airport closer to you where you can park so you’re not juggling too much transfers or driving abroad may take away some of the initial stress you get from the travelling. Trying a place where you can book half board or all inclusive if that’s your type of thing mean you won’t worry much about food, etc.

I think if you put in a bit of research, you can probably come up with something that has ‘the best of both worlds’, eg a hotel close enough to a small town where you can walk out and have a mooch around or get the bus on to somewhere else, or maybe a coastal city.

Such brilliant advice there @RedToothBrush
I think that would be helpful for most people .

The advice from @RedToothBrush to eat a big meal at lunchtime is spot on. A lot of kids don't want to put on proper clothes and go to a restaurant an hour before what would normally be bedtime at home.

The other big trap for me is over packing.

Take what you need and you aren't wasting time hunting through all the stuff you don't need or choosing clothes.

It sounds counter intuitive because the logic is if you take everything you won't have forgotten something, but actually if you are limiting what you take, you are less likely to forget something you really need. And you end up almost drowning in 'stuff' in a small rental accommodation.

There are realistically only so many pairs of shoes you will wear on holiday. Take something practical and yes maybe a single nice pair which work for different situations. Be ruthless in how little you take.

I still take too much and have never got it to the same level as DH, but if I didn't I really would take the kitchen sink and that doesn't actually help me. I only have to unpack it afterwards...

I sympathise, as I often don't really enjoy holidays. I'm not diagnosed with anything, but I have some ASD traits and struggle with being out of routine and in an unfamiliar place. I have issues with the actual travel part too - airports stress me out, as does driving in unfamiliar places.

Often by the time I've relaxed and feel ok in a place it's nearly time to come home and then I get stressed about the journey back.

In my view, doing euro camp would be a huge disappointment as it’s not for me. Do something different.

Absolutely agree. Nothing to do with ND, just good organisation and planning takes the stress away. I used to do all this when DC were young.
Eventually I found that AI works a treat because it removes all meal issues.
Now it's just DH and me we usually go half board when abroad as he particularly dislikes strange restaurants. In the UK I book ahead and he can view the menu online.
I have folders of packing lists for weekends, longer breaks, self catering, hotel, hot / beach holiday, winter UK and so on.

Went to euro camp once and let the next morning. Awful place nothing like the pictures. Only bad holiday I’ve ever had

I feel like this with holidays with my hubby and kids. Even though they are older now, they still get bored or arent insterested in sight seeing much.

Just been on a city break with a easy going friend(first time we have been away together). It was great!! No oone moaning they are bored etc. Just the 2 of us enjoying the city. I made a mistake and got off at the wrong metro station once and also managed to read a map wrong lol. ahwell we just laughed about it. It was as good as I thought, infant better cause I didn't feel like I had to keep someone else entertained And was so chilled. Maybe when me and hubby can go ourselves in a couple of years, it'll be great too.

The holidays I had before DC were relaxing. Holidays with DC are not relaxing.