To think holidays rarely live up to expectations

[Tangerinetortoise]

Love the idea of holidays. Also try to keep expectations realistic. Always looking forward to break from mundane routine.

BUT holidays always seem to exhaust me on every level. So much effort. So much overstimulation. Someone is always sick. I find it hard to sleep well away from my own bed, so am either tired and crabby, or taking more sleeping pills than I would like to.

I know this is a first world problem and holidays are by no means a necessity, but AIBU?! And I want to have great family time and give my DC a variety of experiences, but I usually find the whole thing more stressful than enjoyable. 😩

That's rotten luck 💐 Would going on holiday less often and just having days out the years when you don't go be less stressful?

Maybe you need a slower paced holiday. I’m also wondering if the virus thing is your body reacting to stress.

You need the right kind of holiday for your family. I had a hit on the formula which works for us but it may need changing up. It sounds like a holiday IS a lot of extra work for you in advance. What about trying a fly and flop family friendly AL and NOT taking part in all the activities and assuming you live with a functioning adult (you may not) you need to make sure that they’re pulling their weight not just helping out.

I cant remember ever having a bad holiday, I live for my holidays and put a lot of research into them. I do exhaust myself doing that

I 'travel' around on street view, check the buses and trains nearby, restaurants, things to do. I have countless airbnbs saved in my favourites for any one holiday and whittle them down as I go. Im extremely picky about what sort of accommodation I have, it has to be home from home more or less, comfortable sofa and bed. I also make sure I have proper luggage allowances, I dont travel light.

Consequently, once there, I know where Im going, what the routes are, what there is to do, the accommodation has never let me down. Ive got everything I need too.

We mainly holiday for food experiences so always go somewhere that has lots of eating opportunities. We never eat in, despite it being self catering.

Are your expectations of your holiday realistic, it's still you living your life with the same people. I take a couple of days to adjust to being away , I often think, 'is this it ?'when I arrive but then adjust and have a good time. I find the travel and airports soul destroying but I know others don't. Its a bit of a mindset thing I believe. But also I do think there's a bit of a thing where people are often not honest about the pitfalls when they initially come back.

When the children were younger and money was tighter we did a lot of UK holiday park type holidays. I did them for the kids and on paper they should have been great but they will still a lot of work for me. Effectively moving into a space around the size of 1/2 rooms at home. A kitchen far less equipped, only one bathroom / tv etc. Bed less comfy. This always felt quite stressful.

Now the kids are teens / young adults and money is less tight we do different types of holidays and I love them. We’ve done some cruises, yes the cabins small but I’m waited on hand and foot, DH & I have done some holidays alone and it’s so relaxing not having to please anyone else and be on anyone else’s schedule etc.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling a bit down and started looking for a quick weekend away and then remembered the first type of breaks and thought I might end up somewhere with a worse bed then mine, lack of kitchen space etc so instead, I went out and bought new pjs, and some lovely easy cook food, cancelled our weekend plans and just spent the weekend at home relaxing. This ended up being far more lovely than a basic weekend away.

For it to be a holiday for me now, at least 80% of it has to be better then at home.

We stuck in the uk and went to places with entertainment, pools and plenty to do on the doorstep until dd was able to really appreciate being abroad. It was so easy just being able to chuck stuff in a suitcase and do all the things we enjoyed. Plus no chance of plane bugs! She loves going abroad now she's older and we have a fantastic time.

Consultants flu , where you are so stressed in daily life that when you go on holiday and relax your immune system collapses and you get ill. I had a run of this it is rubbish.

Its just a personal choice, we dont do holidays and never have really. Its fine to not think they are worth the cost and hassle. I certainly dont.

Do you give yourself enough pre/ post holiday downtime? How organised are you?

We went abroad every year until covid, have brilliant memories. We then loved several UK holidays, and went to Greece for our first abroad holiday this year. I didn't enjoy it at all. Kids are late teens and had very different ideas of a holiday, the whole hotel experience wasn't good, the flights were full of loud angry selfish people. It was probably our last family holiday and that makes me quite sad.

I hate the early flights, having to get up in the middle of the night to get to the airport, can’t sleep on the flight. Can’t sleep in a bed that’s not my own. I come home excited to sleep in my own bed.

I agree holidays with children are generally just a change of scenery. Lower your expectations!

Some years I get it more right than others. I still haven't worked out the magic formula, I think it's the kids enjoying it and being in right frame of mind. I occasionally get lucky!

To some extent I agree with you OP, European holidays can be low stress but we have done the USA two years in a row (first was a holiday and last year was an unexpected wedding) with teenagers. As fun as they were, I came back even more exhausted tbh. Airports, jet lag, sickness, long days sightseeing, no home comforts, lugging suitcases etc.

This year we are doing a UK break as I can't even be arsed leaving the country.

I feel the same as you, OP. I’m also a light sleeper and really struggle when we’re on holiday.

It’s always far more cramped than at home and having breakfast, lunch and dinner together all day every day whilst all doing the same activities together in between just feels very intense. DH, DD and DS all have ADHD so they’re very loud and I just need some space (so I escape to the gym each evening for a bit!) x

I think maybe change your plan for your holiday? Consider a different set up entirely as this one’s not working for you. If you always go abroad try a uk break, change to a cottage or a few nights in a hotel. Something with less on site entertainment might help with the over stimulation? Would going with friends or a relative ease the pressure? You’re never going to win at every holiday and the illness could very well be an unfortunate coincidence but it could also be your bodies way of telling you you’ve been doing too much.

I love holidays. We do a variety - cottage holidays in the UK, city breaks, short haul, long haul, cruises. Don’t think we’ve ever had a disappointing one. Mind you we don’t have children. Holidays with children of any age look like very hard work to me though I’m sure they have their rewards, For me the joy of seeing somewhere new, or the equal joy of going back to somewhere you love and are familiar with, never wanes.

Holidays with children often don’t live up to expectations as you ultimately don’t have full control. Adult-only holidays often do,
as it’s ultimately on you to make it work.

Totally agree with all this! We holidayed fairly infrequently when the kids were smaller due to lack of money. We’re now in a position to have holidays. I wasn’t really prepared to ‘slum it’ at all before which is why we didn’t go away. A holiday isn’t really a holiday to me unless it’s at a minimum 4 star hotel with breakfast buffet and lots of restaurants around. Also need to have room service. Maybe adjust the types of holidays you go on to ensure it’s a true break.

My holidays are great, but then I go with my bestie to somewhere hot and do bugger all for a fortnight except lie on a lilo in the pool and eat out. Bliss. Maybe you need a different type of holiday?

I agree somewhat. At the time of the holiday, I feel like they are not quite living up to my excitement and expectations on the lead up to the holiday. But then after the holiday, I look back nostalgically and think what a fantastic time it was, wishing I was back there 😀

Love your realistic take!! 😁

How old are your children OP?

It's a bit of a lottery - some are great, some are disappointing. Holidays can suffer from anticlimax syndrome, where you look forward to them so much that they'll never live up to your expectations. I find sometimes a holiday just doesn't properly 'take off' for want of a better word, and I don't get into the swing of it and feel in holiday mode.

5 and 9? These are pretty decent ages to go on holiday op. And yet you describe your holidays as a horrible marathon to endure rather than enjoy

Stop the self catering I say and go alll inclusive with kids clubs to keep them entertained. Spend time on your own or DH/P whilst they are at kids club and relax.

It gets easier as they get older.

I live for my holidays!!