To think holidays rarely live up to expectations

[Tangerinetortoise]

Love the idea of holidays. Also try to keep expectations realistic. Always looking forward to break from mundane routine.

BUT holidays always seem to exhaust me on every level. So much effort. So much overstimulation. Someone is always sick. I find it hard to sleep well away from my own bed, so am either tired and crabby, or taking more sleeping pills than I would like to.

I know this is a first world problem and holidays are by no means a necessity, but AIBU?! And I want to have great family time and give my DC a variety of experiences, but I usually find the whole thing more stressful than enjoyable. 😩

if you don’t enjoy your holidays year in and year out it’s because they aren’t right for you and your family

Definitely agree with the PP who said to adjust what causes issues where you can. My DH is a snorer, so we now book apartments with two bedrooms. I never do early flights because they ruin a holiday for me, and I won’t go camping because I get cold and tired!

Also, I’ve also stopped worrying about what other people think we / the kids should be doing to have a nice holiday. Since DS was diagnosed with ASD (DD also just diagnosed but just parented her as though she did for a while), I’ve found holidays a lot less stressful. I used to insist they went out in the pool / on the beach etc which just caused stress after a while. Now as long as we’ve been out for some of the day, and we get to eat something nice I’m a lot less worried if they spend the afternoon recovering in their room. It’s their holiday too and if that’s what they want, let them get on with it. I can relax / sun bath / drink wine on the balcony which is exactly what I want to do anyway.

A) tag team. You could alternate someone to get up with kids and go out to get breakfast, take kids swimming, whatever, but you must actively plan adult downtime and not fall for the fallacy of "family time" being a break.

B) Spring for the extra room or Kingsize bed. Sleeping in a smaller bed than you have at home is not a holiday!

C) decide whether you are booking a FAMILY holiday that you will all enjoy and get something out of or whether you are just taking the KIDS on holiday. The former has kids clubs and a spa, soft play and a pool, so EVERYONE has something fun to look forward to. The latter is a serious of activities and days out that require 24 hours of engaged parenting. Its all about expectations.

As an example, at home, the only screen time we have is for schoolwork and a film or two at the weekend. On holiday, it's unlimited for downtime, like on a plane, in the mornings and evenings at the lodge etc.
Day 1 might be a tv for the kids before breakfast, family trip, TV while parents cook and kids in bed.
Day 2 morning: family bike ride, afternoon: pool with dad, spa for mum.
Day 3, family day out
Day 4 Morning Family beach trip, afternoon pool with mum, nap for dad

Etc.

Are you neurodivergent? I am and I feel exactly the same! Still recovering from 10days all inclusive lol also don’t forget the washing afterwards fml 🤦‍♀️ I find caravan holidays much more manageable and enjoyable/ relaxing I’d be happy to just do a “big holiday” every few years somewhere we really want to go like Disney world or Dubai or Maldives rather than an all inclusive in Spain just for the sake of it

For many years from when dds were very small, to their late teens, and once or twice even later, we often went to the same place, with lovely warm sea and the watersports we all enjoyed. Those holidays were always brilliant - I used to hate going home, and I still remember dd1 once crying all the way to the airport!

Nope. I’m with you OP. The reality of our summer holiday last month didn’t meet our expectations. But I think we went in with high expectations. We reduced them quite quickly. My daughter is ASC and my son loves screens but we managed to find some middle ground. Once we established this it got better.
Our holiday was in two parts. Camping in one part of Spain and then staying in an apartment in another part of Spain. The campsite was the best part because we just stayed by the pool all day with books, snacks, drinks etc. There were a few meltdowns but the lack of transitions and choice of what to do made everything smoother.
I am able to look back with fondness now but at the time there were difficult moments.
We'll probably go for something more simple next summer so I’ve not been put off. Yet.

Mine are generally fantastic.

I generally find the more I pay I higher my expectations and I'm left disappointed. I did a Norwegian cruise this year and was really disappointed. Royal Caribbean should be renamed Benidorm on sea!!

My favourites have been budget holidays where I've gone with very low expectations.

Lucky enough to have been on more than a few I know what I want - decent flight times, prefer out of season so not too busy and not too hot. I involve my children and ask what they would like to do so that's factored in.

I don't think I will be going on many more with grumpy teenagers though!

After one pretty awful holiday where we were self-catering in not very nice accommodation and had to drive everywhere, i switched to all-inclusive holidays with kids’ clubs and have never looked back. Yes they’re obviously more expensive but I’d rather save up all year and go without other stuff (clothes or meals out or whatever) to have a completely relaxing holiday.

All-inclusive takes all the stress out of meals, especially if you have a picky eater. There are loads of things to choose from - try something, if you don’t like it then have something else. Kids’ clubs are a godsend, whether they’re doing activities or just watching a film at the end of the day and staying out of the sun for a bit. Yours are the perfect age for it OP.

And I always book somewhere that has nicer rooms than my own house (not difficult 😂) so it feels like a real treat. And I check the hotel pictures to make sure it has a bar with lovely views so even if your child has had a meltdown you can sit there with a drink looking at the sea or whatever and thinking this is a damn sight better than being at home.

it also gets easier when your kids become competent swimmers - 5 is too young for this, I realise - and you can let them splash about in the pool without having to keep an eye on them every second.

Your expectation is to get away from mundane routines and you’ve got that. The kids aren’t going to magically be different because you’re abroad.

I find holidays really stressful too and i have tried several types of holiday. I hate packing. I always forget to pack something even though i make lists of what to take. If i go abroad my plane is always delayed. If i holiday in the uk i can guarantee that the trains will be in a mess. I never sleep well in a strange bed. When i get home there is a pile of washing to do.

For us I admit they've always been what we expected or hoped for but that's perhaps because they are out of our budget (grandparents paying) so perhaps it's because life is slightly easier than we are used to.

I understand what you mean, though, the only holiday we have ever afforded ourselves was nice and enjoyable but DH and I afterward agreed that this was still not really worth our it for the coming years. Too much hassle really.

Holidays with small children that involve a beach and hotels with pools never live up to expectation. Too much stress and no ability to do anything interesting. I enjoyed taking my DC on a holiday that included Venice, Padua and Florence, visiting India (with reservations mostly to do with accommodation and water), but hated a beach holiday in Spain (excursions extortionate and only Granada was worth it!).

I’m 53, with a teenager, and I was casting my mind back — I genuinely don’t think I e ever had a holiday that didn’t meet, if not exceed, my expectations, including the baby and toddler stage.

Yeah Eurocamp is awful. I'd rather stay home!

We didn’t do big holidays till the children were over 10.

We’ve had some fantastic holidays since then.

Best IMO was Iceland.

We have only been holidaying abroad for the last 3 years. One year was more difficult as dd1 was ill. I had chosen an apartment on a hotel complex so we had a separate living room, outdoor space and could walk to the beach This meant dh and I could tag team and still enjoy ourselves with our other children. Dd could rest as much as she needed.

This year we went to Morocco again but another region and I was able to find a 3 bed house in a hotel complex. We had a private pool which was fab and I had learnt that a living room is useful for us. It meant that we got the best of both worlds such as all the hotel amenities but could go back to our place when the kids just wanted to play in their own pool or something downtime, equally they could make friends and play with other kids which was a joy to see. We also had a well stocked kitchen so dh cooked on one of the nights.

My aim is always to find the best deal I can, fun stuff for the kids to do but for dh and I too. I always aim for a balance between chill time and excursions. Having an extra living space is invaluable incase one of us is ill, meaning the others can hang out whilst the ill person can test in a bit of peace. I also think with kids you do have to be realistic. If they squabble at home, why wouldn't they on holiday?

I think to get the most out of any holiday you need to write a list of the things that would work best for your family so space, kids clubs, entertainment, proximity to a beach, pool access, car hire etc. and then go from there to get the best for your budget.

The holidays with my toddler weren’t relaxing, but I enjoyed good weather, change of scenery, indulging with food…still better than staying at home!

I have 3 kids under 5 and I’ve never been disappointed but the kids are used going to abroad several times every year. I feel they are better behaved and calmer being out of London!

I’m actually just back from a holiday I really didn’t enjoy so get what you mean.

I liked the resort, but my husband loves lying out in the sun and I bloody hate that! I’m usually happy enough to sit in the seating area under the shade, reading a book or listening to music, but the hotel this year had no outdoor seating area, it was sunloungers or nothing and there was only so much I could take of that, so I ended up going up to sit in the room and I was so fed up, by about day 5 I couldn’t wait to go home.

I’m starting to think I’m probably ‘over’ the sunny beach style holidays if I’m honest.

I love city breaks and being out and about doing stuff, so that’s the next kind of trip I’ll be booking..

Not diagnosed, but I have some ASD traits, for sure. Am very sensitive to noise and get easily overwhelmed.

Are you happy when not on holiday? Ie fulfilled at work? Happy marriage? Fit and healthy?

If not, you’ll never enjoy holidays.

And if you are happy with day to day life and yet still don’t enjoy your holidays - I think it’s time to maybe try a different holiday!

I wonder if it's the holidays you pick? I get eurocamp is good for the dc, but where do you find your joy? I love holidays, because whatever happens I'm somewhere new that I wanted to go, seeing things that are exciting and wonderful.

But is it good for the OP’s children given how she described the holiday going down?