To think holidays rarely live up to expectations

[Tangerinetortoise]

Love the idea of holidays. Also try to keep expectations realistic. Always looking forward to break from mundane routine.

BUT holidays always seem to exhaust me on every level. So much effort. So much overstimulation. Someone is always sick. I find it hard to sleep well away from my own bed, so am either tired and crabby, or taking more sleeping pills than I would like to.

I know this is a first world problem and holidays are by no means a necessity, but AIBU?! And I want to have great family time and give my DC a variety of experiences, but I usually find the whole thing more stressful than enjoyable. 😩

We have a yearly week in Centreparks which meets expectations entirely (which is why we go - it's the mcdonalds of breaks)

Then I've had holidays that have genuinely exceeded my expectations (Lapland), weekend break to Amsterdam

and ones that were more lacklustre (Legoland break)

So I'd say it's a mixed bag.

I'll also say that if it's exhausting you, you need to do something else! Maybe set realistic expectations of what you want to get out of it.

I don’t feel like this, but that doesn’t mean you are wrong to. Perhaps it’s the type of holiday you go on? The only holidays I have found tiring rather than refreshing and stimulating were fully self catering ones. I don’t want to cook or clean or even think about cooking or cleaning while on holiday! That doesn’t mean having to do all inclusive, it just means going somewhere and with enough budget to eat out all the time. I would go on fewer holidays rather than yearly self catering ones.

But also, if you don’t want to go on holidays, you don’t have to!

Holidays are a nightmare with small kids. We had many holidays just like you describe when our first two were little. I used to look forward to going back to work because it was definitely more relaxing than being on holiday with a 4 year old and a two year old! It does get better though.

Of the last 3 holidays, 2 were great and the 3rd was good enough.

I kind of agree. We always took lots of pictures when the children were young because in the moment you pay more attention to the over tired bickering, the 'bored' on the beach or too tired to go on the excursion...the too late nights or the unable to sleep in the new beds, the too hot, or too cold, the rain spoiling the day...but when you look back at the pictures you realize everyone did have fun with lots of smiling faces, even if it didn't always feel like it!

I feel the same way op. I find packing and finishing up my work before a holiday really stressful.

I never sleep properly away from home, and I always feel unsettled for the first few days. By the time I'm feeling more settled, we're half way through!

We've tried hotel holidays, but the stress of eating every meal I restaurant with kids negates any advantages of not having to cook and clean. So we only do that for short breaks.

Self catering works better for us, but that comes with housework. And the places are never as nice as they look in the photos, so I always feel a bit short changed. And I dread the morning of check out the whole holiday.

This gave me a chuckle - so true!

Yes, the DC bouncing off the walls in restaurants is really hard! We do a mix of eating out and really simple (often no-cook) meals in the accommodation.

I don’t think it is the meals that are generally an issue for us. I think it’s that I get really overwhelmed with the change of routine and place etc, even though novelty has been what I have been craving! Catch 22 🙃

I enjoy all my holidays! But to be fair I only come back feeling rest and relaxed if it's a beach holiday. All other types of holidays are exhausting.

Well I think your title should specify 'holidays with kids', but otherwise I can see where you're coming from.

We've had some lovely holidays with DD, I can hand on heart say I've enjoyed at least some bits of all of them. But they're also still work because you're still parenting, and all that entails, and they bear no resemblance to what holidays used to be like (and what is still my idea of a 'proper holiday').

It's more about a change of scenery, some good weather depending on where/ when you go, maybe some different food, and for me I love seeing DD enjoy herself.

We've had 3 trips abroad, one she was very little and it was so stay with family - it was lovely in some ways but hard work and tense between DH and I as he immediately switched to 'holiday mode', cracked a beer and forgot we still had a toddler to parent. Luckily we managed to thrash that out before attempting any more holidays! Once was an all inclusive type deal, with other family members there - not my idea of the best holiday ever previously but absolutely perfect for DD, worked so well and still the most relaxed I've managed to be on a holiday with her yet. This year to a beautiful, interesting location but this time to meet up with in-laws - who have their own issues and caused their own level of stress, plus DD and I were both ill at some point. Saw some stunning scenery and really loved the place we visited, so still glad we went but was very glad to get home that time!

The rest is cheapy UK breaks, Haven type things or the occasional AirBnB - again so far from a dream holiday but these are the ones that work best for DD, she makes friends, lots to entertain her, we use the caravan as a base or for stuff to do in wet weather but also explore the things we want to do in surrounding areas, keeps it cheap and it's just a break from routine and a chance to do fun stuff as a family together.

I think the trick is not to ram all these holidays activities in. We have a 7 and 18 month old and go away in a couple of weeks to a caravan park.
We might have 1 or two proper days out but we are mainly looking at going on adventure walks and hanging on the beach.
We go by their feelings, if they are fed up of the beach after 30 mins then we head back. We don't force the activities because it just causes stress and upset all round. We also only do a late night at the club house if they are feeling it. There's no point keeping there and they just get overlooked and over tired.
Lower the expense and relax it a little. It's a lot for little ones

I’d say this is probably why your holidays aren’t enjoyable - Eurocamp is my idea of hell! We’ve found city breaks with access to a beach to suit us best as a family.

Love a holiday but think I agree with you!

I spend so much time planning the holiday and then feel pressure for us all to have a good time.

Holidays with little ones are hard work but holidays with teens can be soul destroying!

I now lower my expectations which has worked out well for the last couple of years!

My holidays usually do live up to my expectations but then I always tried to keep it simple when dd was smaller. Always self-catering so everyone had a room / proper bed. Mod cons like dw / wm if at all possible. Somewhere with a pool and kid friendly activities. No rushing round like loons or fretting over food. The one time it didn't work so well, was when she was about 11 or 12 and we had 3 weeks in a French villa when weather was nearly 40 degrees every day. She refused to go outside, even in the pool and spent the entire time watching unsuitable things on French tv. It was too hot to go out during the day. I still had a nice time bobbing round on a lilo in the pool, but she probably didn't have a good time.

We went to a Euro camp last summer because we had Olympics tickets so we stayed in one an hour or so outside Paris. It was loads of fun for the kids and I enjoyed it but I absolutely needed a holiday from my holiday by the end of it. Fundamentally that style of holiday just means you're doing all the same stuff you do at home, but in a different, less convenient location.

I was pretty snobby about all inclusives before I had kids (why go somewhere just to lock yourself away and not really experience the place etc etc) but I bloody love one now. Total relaxation! We went to Mauritius all inclusive in October half term last year and we're going to St Lucia this year. The most stressful part of our day is choosing beach or pool, then DD (7) struggles to pick between a virgin pina colada and a virgin mojito......

I love a holiday! I work for holidays and they are aways amazing. I can have an off day, but that usually me just humpy!

Had 4 already and still have another 3 planned, they are what you make of them!

I think holidays with young children can be tough, and if you are self catering, particularly on a budget, they probably don’t feel like a holiday at all. If holiday expectations are based on memories of pre-child hotel relaxation or interesting city breaks, then catering for a family in a caravan is going to feel like a massive let down. And whilst it’s lovely to see the children enjoying themselves, it’s not always the same for the adults (particularly if one of the adults gets to do more than their fare share of the packing/ cooking / washing etc).

The other holidays that often don’t live up to expectations are those which are particularly expensive and/or you’ve saved a long time for them, built them up in your mind, and so often the reality isn’t the same as your dreams.

I would probably recommend more frequent shorter breaks so there is never your total budget gone in the one holiday and there is always something to look forward to. With young children, maybe a term time AI package for 4-5 days, or stick local so you can just throw a few things in the car and go.

I think being ill on holidays can be quite common if you are extra busy just before the holiday trying to meet all your work deadlines before you go away at the same time as packing etc, then the minute you relax, you start a cold. Always used to happen to me at the end of term and at Christmas.

It depends upon what kind of holiday you choose. Ive had such negative experiences travelling with other people that I took to travelling on my own. I got frankly tired of doing all the orgaization, translation and planning and having other people follow me round like pet lambs. And then complain when I wanted to go off and have some ME time. Oh you are abondinging us. I cant imagine anything more horrendous than the average "family" holiday.

I have to say that reading your original post, I can totally understand the OP’s take on it.

I don’t know where you live, but could you look at flying from a smaller regional airport? Airports tend to be quieter in the afternoon too.

Yep we did a cruise (first family holiday!) and my 4 yr old daughter loved it because of the kids club but definitely wasn't my husband and my cup of tea!

I go on holiday about 3 times a year, loads of weekend breaks too. All to different types of places and with different people. Happy to say I’ve loved all of them. I would even say my expectations are exceeded.

They're rarely worth it tbh

My closest airport stopped flights to a lot of the destinations I'd like to go to during covid and most of them have remained unavailable. Also, although it used to be a nice fairly low key place, they've removed almost all of the seating in quiet areas, and it's now in the middle of a shopping concourse. Really loud and unpleasant and too crowded.

Years ago, I used to feel my holiday started when I left the house for the airport. Now it seems like some sort of endurance test at either end of the holiday which really spoils the whole experience.

For you!

can people really not see that it is all about our individual experiences of holidays.

If mine was camping off grid… I’d hate it. Other would love it. I love lovely hotels, half board, big swimming pool and on the beach. With the odd day trip thrown in. Others would hate that as boring.