If you are single, are you genuinely happy being single?

[CarrotCrusader]

I'm single and I'm perfectly happy. I wouldn't want anyone in my life right now or for the foreseeable future.

@bumblingbovine49

Thank you for your kind response.

I really appreciate it. Particularly as, as you say, this thread wasn’t aimed at me.

I think you have hit the nail on the head in a lot of what you say. And it was nice to have a balanced response as opposed to the more common “LTB” comments on here.

You are particularly right when you say that he will most probably be in a relationship very quickly after we split. And that is a sobering thought. And would I be jealous and regretful? Yes, absolutely.

I do have a lot of thinking to do.

Thank you again for your reply.

I won’t hijack the thread anymore though, as I know this was meant for single people and there is some good discussion going on here.

🙏

Thank you @EmpressaurusKitty

I’ve been single for a long time and I’m extremely happy. I would never ever live with a man again. The thought horrifies me.

Yep. Love my life. I have a good job and three wonderful children. A house and a car and a cat and lots of friends. It’s perfect.
If that sounds smug then sorry - I think I served my time being married for over 30 years to a constant cheater and sacrificing myself to bring up our children while he did what he wanted.
Even if Keanu Reeves was begging me to be his wife I would want separate homes and to be left alone for 90% of the time.

Thanks @Highlighta

Another really supportive post, how unmumsnetty!

Yes, it’s the broken trust. And the lying.

We had three children in quick succession, and I got made redundant and had to work long hours retraining not long after.

He was working shifts.

We never saw each other and when we did we were just arguing - about the mess in the house, the kids, money. No sex life.

This woman offered him some attention when I was giving him none.

He swears it didn’t go beyond messages / sexting, swears they never met up. But he was lying a lot when I found out, and had to drag every bit of the story out of him. He says because he didn’t want to hurt me and was so terrified of losing me and the kids.

you are correct in what you say about the divorce process. That terrifies me too. And the fact that no matter which way we cut it, we can’t afford two houses.

I won’t hijack the thread anymore, I know this isn’t intended for me. I was reading with interest and felt compelled the post and am grateful for the well measured replies I’ve had.

Thank you. The replies on here are so different from the usual LTB posts.

i appreciate it and suspect you are right xx

@Dogaredabombthank you. I think you are probably right.

I think I am going to have to try and move past it…not quite sure how but will need to try and figure it out somehow.

thank you
xxx

I'm single and have always been. I'm 38. I had a few brief boyfriends in my teens but never more than a few months. I just don't have a romantic or sexual bone in my body.
I don't have any regret about this. When I see the heartbreak and heartache and stress my sisters go there with their lovers and partners it makes me even more glad to be single. I have so much less stress and emotional upheaval to deal with.

Unbelievably to most people in my life, I am perfectly happy being single! (Then again, I'm absolutely dead inside, with no romantic feelings at all).

I spent my childhood having to compromise and put the men of the family first. I'm not wasting the rest of my life doing that!

I am single and could not be happier. I think when you’re single you make much more of an effort to make a life for yourself. You actively cultivate friendships, go to hobby classes and are free to do as you damn well please. So many people, generally woman, don’t make any effort and are basically happy to sit in night after night watching tv.

There is much talk about ‘being on your own’ in old age but I think if you’re used to organising your own life you’re in a better position than someone who’s been in a couple most of their lives then loses their partner and is unable to manage on their own. I see so many old couples, particularly my parents, where one party actively hates the other but won’t split up because they’re too old and can’t manage on their own. My abusive alcoholic mother has no interests, doesn’t want to do any, usually because she’s drunk or suffering a hangover. Her only passion time is making my Dad’s life a misery. My Dad rarely goes out (he’s in his 90’s) because if he does he gets double the abuse. I look at them and know being single in my 80’s, whatever form that takes, is a million times better than being stuck with an abusive person who hates your guts!

I know what you mean. I do feel sorry for older couples who have become very two by two and think they have a huge shock ahead. I don't know how it would feel to look ahead to that and try to adjust in very late life.

Also when some people tell me about their relationship it just puts me off more and more.

I do feel very very envious of people who met 'the one' very young and are well suited and fulfilling companions to each other for 60 years. How did they pick the right person as a teenager?

I wasn't my settled self until I was much older and didn't possess the skills or self confidence to pick a person that suited me.

Yes.

I know what you mean. I do feel sorry for older couples who have become very two by two and think they have a huge shock ahead. I don't know how it would feel to look ahead to that and try to adjust in very late life.

Yes. My parents were together for 60 years, Mum had plenty of friends but Dad was mostly happy with just her. And now he’s very lonely.

I was single for over a year and was happy at first then started to miss male company, met someone who makes me very happy 😊

Yes I’m happy. I’m nearly 60 with an adult DS, single nearly 6 years and realised there’s literally nothing I miss about being in a relationship.

The thought of having g my peace disturbed is my worst nightmare.

12 years single and loving it.
I cant seen me ever living with a man again.
I love my space and love doing what the fuck i want.
I do bed not dates or relationships.
Ons only.

I've been single since divorcing in my mid 30s and am now early 50s. Occasional fwb or ONS, but very rare. I love being single. I have a great job, adult DD, friends. I don't want or need a relationship, it wouldn't add anything to my life and would take from the things I already have.

Im in my 80s now and apart from a very bried marriage have always been so. I am also childfree by choice. Looking back I would not have made a different choice.
Single people are much more likely to be net contributers and to have a much lower carbon footprint than families. The only thing I dislike is the way that single/childfree people subsidise families through their taxes and receive almost nothing in return. 25% off council tax just does not cut it.

And to the dumbos who say "but you get to use the roads, street lighting. police etc etc. The groups I am subsidising also get to use these things.

Oh @whataweekImhaving your posts show so clearly why I have been so happily single this past decade. Describing your cheating husband as a good and kind man is a perfect example of how low we often drop our standards to be coupled up.

@Wistericalfair enough.

I am happy but…. There are some things I miss with being with someone. I know deep down though I am not ready for a relationship and won’t be for some time. I am happy with that.

I am fine with it. I am not so unhappy with it that I have any desire to try and date actively.

I think relationships take work and compromise and I don’t want to do either. That said I would not actively reject a relationship with a great man.

Being single is bloody expensive though. And a worry as I get old.

The cost of single life is one of my motivators for being in a relationship. Obviously most other boxes need to be ticked too but the financial security is very important to me. I could never house share with anyone other than a partner or my son

I can certainly relate to everyone on here who loves living alone, it's bliss 💕💕💕

I've been single for 8 years. Since then, I've been able to focus on my son and my career without the expense, moaning, criticising or compromising that a relationship with most men involves. Life has been so straightforward and stress free.
This year we had a fabulous holiday, only a week in Greece but completely carefree. Happy with simple things. No need to get drunk.

Next year ds will leave for university and I might look for a new relationship, but any man would have to be a cheerful self sufficient sort.