To expect my DP to shower daily?

[toodleoothen]

I shower daily, sometimes twice a day (if I've been to the gym in the evening). Use nice natural products - I like to and do smell peachy! My DP not so much. He showers when he's exercised (which is several times a week, thankfully) or when he thinks he's sweaty or grimy. He isn't smelly as such, but I would like him to shower daily because:

• I have a very sensitive nose, and I can sniff BO across a room
• I like clean sheets, wash, iron and change them weekly, and he sleeps in his underwear (or less) so the sheets do absorb BO and even a whiff of BO on the sheets bothers me
• I like curling up with my head on his shoulder and sometimes my hair absorbs a whiff of BO too, which then keeps coming back to me the next day!

To be clear, he doesn't smell vile at all, and it is just a whiff or two of BO, but it would be easily taken care of if he showers daily. He is a sweetheart and we get along really well so please don't be unkind about him, he's one of the good uns (and I know because I've been in toxic relationships before, albeit with guys who showered daily!).

We don't live together but spend 2-3 nights a week together. So, AIBU to request and expect him to shower daily (when we are together)?

If you don’t say anything I’m sure he will reduce the frequency of showering, not increase it naturally. So nip it in the bud now and tell him. A daily shower literally takes 3-4 minutes. Get wet, apply soap, rinse. Done.

And it astounds me that people’s homes and infrastructure allows for daily showering (unlike years ago - tin bath having to be pulled out) yet some people don’t revel in that privilege!

Eugh!!!!!!!!!

Tell him, FFS, before it gives you the ick

I know!
It's definitely seems a UK thing.

I just can't fathom the flannel wash of bits and pits.🤮
You can literally shower quicker than all that faff, so why wouldn't you? 90 seconds is enough. They manage it in prison.

🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢

This is your issue as far as I'm concerned OP, plenty of people don't shower everyday and I bet you'd have no idea if you didn't know. Unless you're giving him a blow job everyday it's up to him how much he showers and to me it's very controlling to try and force him to shower more.

You'll get plenty of support on MN though who are obsessed with showering 5 times a day!

does it not give you the ick, OP? How can you shag him?? @toodleoothen

He is right really, although he should wash under his ams and put deodrant on every day.

Wash under his arms? It’s not the 1950s.

A shower takes less than 5 minutes and includes all areas, including a sweaty groin! Washing under arms really isn’t enough. Bleurgh.

i know right?! He just needs to get in the bloody shower! It won’t hurt him.

times have moved on @Netcurtainnelly people used to do that kind of thing, strip washes over sink in the olden days when they didn’t have indoor showers etc

One daily shower a must
two a day a bit ott
4 a week not enough

Good lord.

After reading through the replies on this thread I think you are correct when you say plenty of folk don't shower every day. It's so grim, and it just amazes me that this is the case on a forum predominantly used by women.

I find it baffling that so many women don't give their vags and anuses a proper clean each day - to me this means a proper shower, with not just warm water, but a proper scrub and proper rinse off, paying particular attention to the parts of the body where we release our waste.

Maybe those of us with these standards are the weirdo's though!

Quite eye-opening!

I shower after exercise or when I think I need it so not every day, but I do wash every single day anywhere that would remotely smelly or sweaty. But I would definitely shower after dtd and so if he's staying at yours for a couple of days I'd imagine he should be showering and keeping his bits and pits clean at the absolute minimum.

You need to have a conversation with him

Are you allowing sex when he hasn't washed or refusing it?

@Lavender14

surely its just quicker to shower??

I have just read this thread out to DP, and he says (jokingly) that he feels 'violated' but he's in the shower, so that's a win 😂

He’s a good sport 😁

Excellent! Now let us know if he showers again tomorrow. Even better if he uses an antiperspirant to keep the stink away for longer.

Well done Mr @toodleoothen. I hope you take the feedback on board and have a shower daily while staying at your partner’s place. Leave the less frequent showering for your place.

Saturdays are good days - he goes off to play a sport so is always back to soak in a bath with my Neal's Yard bath salts so smells divine!

Thank you all for your helpful comments. He is quite receptive to feedback (unlike my ex who would bristle and bluster at the slightest hint of criticism) so we had a laugh reading through the comments (and some head scratching over 'penis beaker') and I'm pretty sure he'll be showering regularly from here on while he is at mine. Comments suggesting that his routine was fine but not if he is in an intimate relationship hit home. Thanks to all of you for helping resolve this (teeny) issue in my relationship. A Mumsnet success!

penis beaker is the classic of classics @toodleoothen

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis

That’s isn’t hygiene. That’s disrupting your skin’s microbiome.

He’s right.

My X didn't shower often enough and sometimes didn't brush his teeth . All of a sudden he started daily showers , tooth brushing and even mouth wash , deodorant and after shave . I discovered he was having an affair with someone he worked with and his fastidiousness was for her . It was so hurtful and I realised that he had no respect for me , we had 3 young kids but I ended it . I think not being clean and smelling nice shows that you have very little respect for your partner.

Exactly - there's a lot of competitive hygeine on here.

Unless you're ill or routinely get filthy, there is no need to shower every day. Having said that, it is always polite and considerate to shower/bathe before sex.

Fresh sweat from exercise does not smell if we are healthy, so there is no pressing need to shower after the gym. It will probably activate any latent smells in dirty clothing, however, so clean underwear daily is a very good idea.