To expect my DP to shower daily?

[toodleoothen]

I shower daily, sometimes twice a day (if I've been to the gym in the evening). Use nice natural products - I like to and do smell peachy! My DP not so much. He showers when he's exercised (which is several times a week, thankfully) or when he thinks he's sweaty or grimy. He isn't smelly as such, but I would like him to shower daily because:

• I have a very sensitive nose, and I can sniff BO across a room
• I like clean sheets, wash, iron and change them weekly, and he sleeps in his underwear (or less) so the sheets do absorb BO and even a whiff of BO on the sheets bothers me
• I like curling up with my head on his shoulder and sometimes my hair absorbs a whiff of BO too, which then keeps coming back to me the next day!

To be clear, he doesn't smell vile at all, and it is just a whiff or two of BO, but it would be easily taken care of if he showers daily. He is a sweetheart and we get along really well so please don't be unkind about him, he's one of the good uns (and I know because I've been in toxic relationships before, albeit with guys who showered daily!).

We don't live together but spend 2-3 nights a week together. So, AIBU to request and expect him to shower daily (when we are together)?

If he laughs and says it's unnecessary respond by telling him he fucking reeks and to get in the shower now or go home.

I don't understand why he won't do it when you ask? That is massively selfish.

No, he says it isn't good for the skin. Maybe I could get him some natural deo - not subtle though 😅

So he is potentially having sex with you having not showered that day? He sounds grubby. I dumped a BF once, he did shower but only with water. He said it was about the environment but he was slightly unkempt in other ways and often smelled slightly musty. The final straw was when we went away for a long weekend in Italy and he did not pack a toothbrush......

If I shower daily my skin goes to pieces (I've tried soap/showergel/different soap etc).

My youngest's the same. My middle used to be, but since hitting teenage-hood luckily he can shower every day without going crusty, as he does get a bit whiffy if not.

Is it BO - as in stale sweat? Or just warm human? Personally I think stale sweat obviously means you need a wash, but just smelling of warm human is fine - and I prefer it to someone coated in deodorant or perfume - but if it's a deal breaker for you, then you just have to tell him.

What I get from this thread is that very few people care about climate change, and as a forum for mother's of children I find that very concerning.

I just simply wouldn't be in a relationship with him, sorry but the first instance would give me the ick and that would be it, my fanny would be sealed to him forever.

Exactly. Two baths per person, per day is absurdly wasteful.

Deodorant instead of showering??!!!!

This would be a hard no from me.

Throw this one back, as the saying goes.

An unwashed penis would make me vom I'm afraid. How can you stand that..area?? Not to mention a bum that isn't washed daily 🥹

I agree.

I don’t shower with very single day and I don’t smell either. He’s probably one of those men that think body spray and antiperspirant are the same.

Get him onto a good antiperspirant and using a bar of soap rather than shower gel. He’s right in saying washing everyday isn’t really good for your skin.

The exceptions to not washing every day is if you’ve exercised or exerted yourself to a sweaty mess that day, have had sex.. or intend to, or just feel grim and fancy freshening up 🤣

I think it is personal preference and showering every other day is fine. I personally like a shower in the morning but may have the odd Sunday when I don’t bother.

But, equally, it is up to you to sleep next to someone whom you consider to be smelly.

I think you have the right to have your own boundaries and to state them clearly to him. But he also has the right to have his! I guess it depends how much showering or not showering matters to you both.

There is surely a compromise to be had in an otherwise strong relationship?!

If he's not showering daily due to dry skin, he needs to at least be washing armpits and bits daily. That is gross!

Wow. You will wash yourselves away.

@Lavenderflowerdo you actually mean ‘bath’ (running a bath full of water 🛀) or are you simply using the word to mean that you wash/shower twice daily 🚿?

If you are actually running two bath tubs of water a day, that’s utterly ridiculous!! Nobody needs two baths a day…and your expectation that a partner also needs to do the same is actually insane!

A daily shower is sufficient!

Thanks for all your responses - food for thought. I'm glad to hear from those that think there is a happy medium too. Dry skin, wasting water and being soaked in artificial scent is not what I'm going for; just a daily shower when he's visiting me.

As for being controlling - hmm, I am conscious of that but I don't actually care how often he showers when he's not with me.

I guess habits one grows up with are hard to shake. I was brought up to never leave the house for the day without showering. His upbringing was a bit more relaxed on this front.

Having a shower every day is hardly likely to turn him into The Singing Detective.

He doesn't shower, wash or use deodorant?

If he thinks he doesn't have to shower unless he's been active and he has body odor, and you think daily showers are the way, you're incompatible.

He thinks showering is bad for the skin when he smells bad? Your sheets smell after he sleeps there?

The ick, he gives it.

Does he at least have a penis beaker?

I have sensory issues and struggle with showers. I find them overwhelming and tiring. So, personally, that's why I don't shower every day.

Just to be clear, he doesn't reek, it is just a whiff or two when he's not showered that day.

I think whether you run a marathon or not, most folks, especially men are likely to sweat a bit, and it's just good practice to shower every day.

I don't really want to be subjecting him to a sniff test and sending him off to have a shower. Seems a bit controlling. It would just be nicer if he showered every day. According to the votes so far, I'm being unreasonable to expect this. Not the way I thought the voting would go, so maybe I won't show him this thread 😅

What on earth is that??!

Adults should shower daily regardless of whether they think they smell or not.

I grew up in a hot country too. I think it is partly a cultural difference with us.

Re the voting! I can't believe the amount of folks who think it's unreasonable to ask your smellier 'arf to shower every day.

Cheese dick, anyone!?