To expect my DP to shower daily?

[toodleoothen]

I shower daily, sometimes twice a day (if I've been to the gym in the evening). Use nice natural products - I like to and do smell peachy! My DP not so much. He showers when he's exercised (which is several times a week, thankfully) or when he thinks he's sweaty or grimy. He isn't smelly as such, but I would like him to shower daily because:

• I have a very sensitive nose, and I can sniff BO across a room
• I like clean sheets, wash, iron and change them weekly, and he sleeps in his underwear (or less) so the sheets do absorb BO and even a whiff of BO on the sheets bothers me
• I like curling up with my head on his shoulder and sometimes my hair absorbs a whiff of BO too, which then keeps coming back to me the next day!

To be clear, he doesn't smell vile at all, and it is just a whiff or two of BO, but it would be easily taken care of if he showers daily. He is a sweetheart and we get along really well so please don't be unkind about him, he's one of the good uns (and I know because I've been in toxic relationships before, albeit with guys who showered daily!).

We don't live together but spend 2-3 nights a week together. So, AIBU to request and expect him to shower daily (when we are together)?

So how many times a week is he actually showering? You say several times a week when he exercises?

You're just going to have to tell him.

YANBU at all.

I bath twice a day. I expect would expect the same from my partner. This is non-negotiable. Poor hygiene is a no from me.

I couldn’t be tucking myself into a man’s smelly pit

Whiff of BO on your hair you say?

I’d just be blunt

If you are smelling BO form someone who is washing several times a week that’s concerning for his health

washing daily ot twice daily isn’t being hygienic and for many people will seriously dry their skin out unnecessarily

Ew
Men with poor hygiene can do one as far as I'm concerned
Yanbu

I would say 4 times a week, perhaps. The problem is that when he visits me (because his gym isn't in my town) he isn't going to the gym, so he will shower perhaps once in the three days we are together.

You would expect your partner to bath twice a day? I get having a daily shower or even an extra one if someone has been doing something that would require them to, but surely a shower and a good wash suffice. My skin would get so dry if I was bathing twice a day

This would put me right off. I'd tell him he smells and can he shower every day

He does argue that daily showering is unnecessary and not great for the skin. There isn't serious BO, just a whiff here and there. I am very sensitive to smell, to be fair.

Oh dear god NO.

Three days together, I presume DTD ...and he showers once?????

What's wrong with him?

No shower =he stays at home. And mean it.

YANBU. Basic hygiene is pretty fundamental to an intimate relationship and if it's giving you the ick, he needs to wash more or accept the end of the relationship.

I've told him! He laughs and claims it isn't good for the skin. And, that unless he does something (very) active that day, it is unnecessary.

Just tell him that it’s your non-negotiable foible and if he wants to get into your bed with or without sex he needs to shower beforehand.

Speak to him, if you don’t he won’t know how you feel. It’s not a bad thing and it’s better it comes from you rather than someone else.

I’d just move away and comment if he smells.

TBH I don’t wash as often as you and don’t mind a bit of natural scent on someone. But if you are this sensitive to it, say so.

What if he did a good wash every day - pits, bits and feet - with a hot washed clean flannel? This is what I do. If he doesn’t like a full shower, that could be a compromise.

He's lazy!

He's putting the fact he just can't be arsed ahead of your comfort.

You're not unreasonable. Expecting a partner to have a good scrub once a day is the norm. Anything less is grim. Show him this thread.

I’d just be frank with him.

Also @Lavenderflowerwhy are you bathing twice a day? 😬

Surely if he doesn't want a shower he is still then washing on those days? Washing and using anti perspirant should mean no BO

I think YABU.

You’re hypersensitivity to smell is your issue, not one that means he should change what sounds like a perfectly reasonable hygiene routine.

That's not true, some people need to wash daily to avoid bo without it being a concern for their health.

There’s no excuse not to have a daily shower - he’s a lazy minger.

My partner is a bit like this. I tell him if he smells bad and he'll hop straight into the shower. I don't think it's right to outright tell someone else when they should be washing. It's a bit controlling.