My friend can't win, but don't know if he should

[Witchywishy]

Not my situation, was out for dinner last night and we were talking about a mutual friend. His girlfriend is pregnant, he wasn't sure initially if he wanted her to keep it, but she was adamant and now he is onboard and happy with the outcome.

But he is disappointed she is insisting the baby has her name. She said that because they aren't married the baby will have her name- he has asked to double barrel as a compromise and she has said she doesn't need to compromise and that's that. Apparently he's now proposed, and she's said that she would have married him pre-pregnancy but now he's only doing it for the sake of the name.

Part of me has admiration for her sticking to her guns. But part of me feels sorry for my friend. The men in the group are all pretty horrified. Apart from it not really being our business what does the hive mind think on her stance?

Ahhhh, he's an adult having unprotected sex, and da baby spooked him? Poor little Pookie. I do think he should go to a rest home for six months to get over the shock. Maybe they can feed him bread and milk every three hours to get his strength back.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I like his girlfriend. Good for her!

In France women never lose their maiden name. They can also take on their husbands name but still also keep their own surname which is much better.

The cheek of him. First he wants to terminate the pregnancy now he's changed his mind, he insists the baby should have his name.

I wouldn't be expecting him to stick around so the baby would not be having his name.

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Why does her boyfriend own his name but she does not own hers?

By your logic it’s her fathers name or her boyfriends father’s name.Why would she choose her boyfriend’s dad over her dad?

My children have my surname, and I’m married (I also kept my own name) My husband was secure enough in himself to accept this, and understand the reasoning. The baby having her surname doesn’t make the baby any less his, he just has to be grown up enough to accept this.

She's 40 & he thinks now isn't right so she should terminate?

And what?

Try again when he deems the time to be right?

She shouldn't marry him on the grounds that he sounds thick!

Are you all of a similar age?

I’m going get flamed for this but it sounds to me like she planned to get pregnant. Yes, of course he should have worn a condom but it sounds like she knew what she was doing.

😂 Sounds like a bunch of cave men sitting around going "Durrr, why can't I have my male privilege? Anyone know?"

It’s not her dad’s name, it’s her name!

Just as her dad owns his name and it doesn’t belong to the grandfather, so a grown woman owns her own name. The fact it’s the same name doesn’t make it any different, or their ownership of it different.

To the OP - I’m joining the chorus of “good for her”

We might be massive gossips, but I can't comment on this. They've just said unplanned

Did you say the woman is 40? How did he think “later” would work?

Good on her. He didn’t want the baby. Now it is staying he wants it to have his name. So will marry her to get it!! Selfish. Why should it automatically be the male name just because it’s always been that way? The mother is the one that does all the hard part.

They could get married and she could keep her name.

I would have kept mine but I didn’t want the association with my “dad”

Just because something has always been done does not make it correct

So he doesn't understand basic biology or his plan was to leave her for a younger woman when he was "ready"?

Hopefully she's planning to keep him around for help during the tsunami of having a baby and then might dump him when the baby's a year or so.

She's 100% right and I am KICKING myself for not doing the same. Now my DC are changing their names by Deed Poll, which is a faff.

How does it sound like that when OP hasn't even brought up or might not even know those details?

Why are so many of them so clueless about female fertility..

A friend of mine is recently single and started dating, she's 43yo. Surprisingly large number of men are asking her is she is open to having children "down the line".

He can always change his name to hers, if it's so important to him to share a name with his child? Much less painful than giving birth, surely?

Some people will never view women as fully human the way men are

Thsi 100%. Good on her.

Bloody men who want to have their cake and eat it.

Based on….? Your misogyny?

Good for her. Really riles me that I did all the work to make the babies but they have my partner’s name!