To say school went too far suspending him for a vape

[Abdican]

basically DS14 has been suspended for 3 days cos he was caught with a vape at school and I just feel like that’s too harsh for a first time he only had it in his blazer pocket he wasn’t even using it in class or anything it was at break time.

I know vaping isn’t good before anyone says it but loads of kids are doing it and I’d already told him off and taken it off him when I found it before so it feels like he’s getting punished twice. He’s gonna miss lessons and he’s already behind.

I rang the school and they were really rude to me saying they have a zero tolerance policy and if it happens again he could be permanently excluded. I get rules are rules but I don’t think chucking him out for 3 days is going to teach him anything except to sit at home on his Xbox.

sorry long post but I feel like they’re making an example of him cos he’s a bit cheeky in class sometimes. do schools really suspend for this straight away? or am I right to think they’ve gone too far?

This is why teachers are quitting.

You’re totally minimising your son’s behaviour. You should be backing the school policy on this. Personally I think vaping is a bad idea, we are hearing all the time about the effects on health, but that aside, he’s breaking the law.
And take away the Xbox while he’s suspended, ask the school for work he can do to try and catch up.
Dont fail your son.

Surely the argument that loads of kids are doing it is exactly why it should be dealt with firmly?? What are they supposed to do just shrug their shoulders and let kids openly vape? They probably started off with more lenient consequences that were roundly ignored and have ended up here.

I'm ancient and smoking in school or being caught with cigarettes resulted in similar consequences.

I am glad you have taken his X-Box lead away OP.

I think I would be telling him he is bloody lucky the police weren't called - no matter whether 'they all do it' it is illegal for U 18s to buy vapes or anyone to buy for an U18 - so his habit coulda lso get someone into serious trouble.

The off licence that sold cider to teens near me (another 'they all do it') was fined £10k and banned from selling alcohol - wrecked his business from which he supported his family.

Google 'how to talk to teens about vaping' and look at links like this that come up
https://parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/feelings-behaviour/safety-wellbeing/im-worried-about-my-child-vaping/

There re a variety. You know your kid best and what is most likely to grab him.

Mine were most receptive to thinking about 'giving all that money to the government' and supporting gvt causes that they oppose! Find out how much money per week he gives to the Gvt!

Any chance he could get into fitness and gym going?

Good luck OP - but really, yes the school are spot on and given the illegality, he is actually lucky.

When I moaned to my mum that”x y and z are doing it” she’d reply” if x y and z jumped off a cliff would you?”

This is why children are turning out utterly shit today. You should be so ashamed that your child is vaping at 14, yet you’re here trying to defend his well deserved punishment.

Dear lord it's so flipping depressing. Vaping is an absolute curse and teachers are struggling to deal with it. On top of everything else.
This boy sounds as if he's persistently being disruptive as well. Incredible parental attitude.

Exactly, because of shits like this boy and then the equally bad parents trying to defend this.

Do you honestly think the police would come out for a 14 year old vaping people are being attacked and their houses broken into and the police don't come

Hopefully she will feel the same
I have already raised a 28 year old whos never tried smoking ,vaping or drugs . Ive taught them from a young age and all i can hope for is that they listen. The eldest did and has just had her own baby last week so i hope she does the same with her child once shes old enough
All you can do is offer advice, facts and show them the right direction in life

'I’m knackered '

You want to try working

Yep. Plus helping them to have delayed gratification and self control, modelling good behaviour for them and having firm boundaries.

What are you talking about the kids today vaping are the newer generation of the kids from the past generations smoking its just a healthier version of smoking.

I have different standards, clearly.
Let your kid vape as much as he wants at home, I don't care. Not at school.

"already told him off and taken it off him when I found it before so it feels like he’s getting punished twice."

once for when you found it the first time and took it off him, Second time for taking it to school. Sounds fair to me.

These kids are the reason other kids are not getting taught in school because the teachers spend so much time having to discipline them.. so unfair

OP in your shoes I would contact the school and discuss the matter with them, find out exactly how your son is being perceived by his teachers including his form tutor as that will give your a clearer picture, as it easy for any child to protest their innocence to a parent when the incident has occurred at school.
You could also ask the school if homework / classwork can be set for your son to complete whilst he is suspended, follow through with that with him if you are at home when he is off school, so that he is at least trying to keep busy and trying to learn.
You mentioned that he is already behind, why not look into that further with the school, is there a specific reason why or a particular lesson he is struggling with.
Any help you can get for him has got to be a positive thing.
Vaping that really needs to be knocked on the head, as hard as it may be for you to implement that and for him to stop doing it, long term if he continues will only cause health issues. Good luck and hopefully he will get the help he needs and this will be a one-off.

I don’t think anyone would encourage teens to vape. The point is the response here is totally disproportionate.

Chocolate is unhealthy but no one would suggest excluding children for eating them on the way home from school.

This!! OP, I’ve got 2 DSs older than yours. You need to get tough right now. If mine had done this all hell would break loose. He’s taking the proverbial in school, got behind in lessons and is vaping.

So what you need to do is remove the X box and phone for a week and make sure he has no money. He needs to use the three days to catch up on school work.

What you should not be doing is sympathising with him and complaining about school rules.

And don’t think that’s tough!! Tough is what kids my age got, decades ago. Caning at school and probably similar at home.

We’ve rightly moved away from that, but letting a teen in trouble at school game for a few days is a complete joke.

Chocolate is nothing like vaping!
Good god this discussion.

@BeachLife2 the Vape was found in class. Not on the way home from school.

Vapes are against the school policy that is presumably documented and shared with parents when they sign up for that school.

Comparing vapes with chocolate is ridiculous.

Kids who are doing a few one of things like smashing windows disrupts other children’s education than those who are cheeky and mess around in class.

Every kid is different all my kids have completely different personality types. Every parent tells their kids the dangers of drugs, alcohol, smoking, unprotected sex, violence, knives etc. You have done no different then every other parent. The difference is the kid some kids will listen some will not some will be easily led some will not. It has very little to do with parenting

Chocolate isn't actually unhealthy unless eaten to excess and then it's the sugar that is the problem. Vapes, especially cheap illegal ones that children can easily get hold of, are full of god knows what chemicals. We don't know the full extent of the harm they can do.

It doesn’t sound like this was an isolated incident from an otherwise well behaved child so it doesn’t surprise me. They all need a break from him and that’s fair enough.

no chance the Xbox or phone would be around for my kids in this scenario. He can spend his time catching up and writing a report on the dangers of vaping.

appreciate kids have always found ways to push back on authority but this specific rule makes sense to me. Vaping is addictive and insanely bad for children and it’s contagious - once one child does it they all follow along. I’d be super angry with my child for this.