Leaving a parking space because someone else wants it

[Allisnotlost1]

I left the gym this morning about 8.15 and, as I did, saw someone arrive and drive the wrong way around the car park. It’s not huge but there’s an overflow which adds about 15-20 steps onto the walk back to the building. There’s also a second overflow which would add about 60 seconds.

I sat in my car to send a difficult emails - to do with bereavement - and I did this there so I could leave it behind and come home and focus on the day. It would have taken about 5 or 6 minutes.

So I start dealing with it and the wrong way driver an older lady, just for visualisation purposes, knocks on my window and asks me if I’m leaving. Yes, I say, it not for about 5 minutes. She asks me to ‘just pull out and wait somewhere’. I say I can’t, because you’ve driven the wrong way around the car park and now you’re blocking the exit. She insists she isn’t and she ‘needs’ the space because the car park is full. She hasn’t been to the overflow.

I look at her gobsmacked, but then ask where is it she expects me to go, and she then gets flustered and says don’t worry about. Ok I say, closing my door. When I left, there were a couple of empty spaces but by then she’d parked on the grass verge on the exit road.

AIBU?

YANBU - she should have used the overflow/s or driven around a bit like anyone else.

YABU - immediately leaving the car park at busy times is just the right thing to do.

If she had blocked the car park did she expect OP to drive the wrong way round to leave, I wouldn't be hapoy doing that. Surely the easiest thing for everyone would have been for her to exit and go to the overflow.

That’s exactly what had happened - I couldn’t reverse out to face the correct way because of where she’d parked, and I thought well it doesn’t matter because I’m just doing this email quickly and hopefully she’ll have moved. It wasn’t obvious she was waiting on a space tbh, she looked like she’d parked at the edge of the painted spaces.

I think it's human nature to feel frustrated at people delaying leaving when you're looking for a space. Of course, it has no effect on the time the space becomes available whether you do your emails in the gym or in your car, but people are tantilized by the possibility if you're actually at your car. That's why I only return to my car when I'm ready to leave, I hate feeling rushed.

I absolutely did ask to get honest feedback and I appreciate that’s what you’ve done. I asked for feedback because I wondered if I had been a bit harsh and wanted a range of opinions.

The only reason the content of the email was relevant is that I was very distracted by it and therefore perhaps not as generous as I might have been had it been a different day. The point of doing it in the car is that it’s a private space. Doing it in the gym would be quite odd (I would definitely be in someone’s way there and I don’t usually take my phone inside). I could have done it in the cafe before I left, which would have had the same effect of the parking space being taken up.

As I’ve explained, her age had no bearing for me but I often see people ask about that kind of detail so provided it. I’m middle aged, she was a bit older than me. I didn’t say it to elicit any reaction or act any differently towards her because of it. Her driving the wrong way was only relevant because initially she appeared to have blocked me in and she parked antisocially rather than wait five minutes - these are just facts.

You’re right that I don’t know what’s going on in her life - nor she in mine. I’m
curious that you only think I should have been kind to her, and not the other way around.

And that would be a pig ignorant and unnecessarily vile response.

So sad that people like you are walking around the community looking for ways to make life more unpleasant for other people.

I do agree - and tantalised is the perfect description. I fully get that it’s inconvenient, but sometimes others’ convenience is less pressing than one’s own.

🐦

I'm sorry to hear about your DH xx

i don't look like I have mobility issues either, but every step on my right foot is like stepping on broken glass. I go to the gym too, to try to regain some strength and some cardio on the bike as it's slightly less painful than walking.

i do have a blue badge, but I use it as infrequently as possible so that they're free for others with even greater issues/equipment they need space to get out or whatever.

I’d have been “sorry, no English!” 😂

What if she waited inside the building to send the emails and then return to her car?
Same thing - again NOTHING to do with anyone else. Just use the overflow and don't intrude on other people's time.

You say she was driving the wrong way around the car park which would indicate confusion and YOU mentioned that she was elderly.

This was my exact thought, but it has had the opposite effect. It just made me wonder what sort of a twat would knowingly inconvenience an older person and then bitch about her online.
How inconsiderate must you be to be so unwilling to make allowances for other people especially older ones who may have real trouble with having to that extra 60 seconds of distance as OP says.

I would have done exactly the same as you. You are allowed to not move. Other people say for you to move and do emails elsewhere but in some cities this is tricky with red routes and very limited parking

Instinct tells me this isn't this woman's first rodeo and she pulls these stunts all the time -the driving in the wrong way is especially obnoxious. In an attempt to out maneuver other people trying to get a space. She clearly thinks she's very important and then ditches her car on a grass verge

Sometimes just very small acts can make all the difference to someone's day. I just felt a little sorry for the other woman as she sounded, well, flustered!

I worked in hospitality for many years and always treated everyone as if they were my nan (who I loved). Because I would always want my nan (or any loved-one) to be treated with courtesy and would always hope that someone would help them out if needed, even just a little bit. Especially when they were flustered!

Small acts are what keep the wheels oiled, as they say.

I just feel that the 'classier' move would have been to have moved your car out for her.

I hear you, but I think comparing how you’d behave at work vs how you’d behave while managing your own tricky things is apples and pears. My nan wouldn’t dream of knocking on a window and asking someone to move for her and she’s considerably older than this lady.

Fair enough, OP.

Well, at least I’m not the kind of inconsiderate twat that doesn’t bother to read the thread before posting to call other people names. No deliberate inconveniencing, no bitching.

If she had ‘real trouble’ with those extra sixty seconds it seems unlikely she’d have wandered over from where she’d ditched her own car, or to have then parked in a grassy area another distance away. I don’t assume every person with grey hair needs to be patronised and mollycoddled.

I didn’t say elderly, I said older. And I don’t think I’d say driving the wrong way is necessarily ‘confusion’. A one off mistake? A deliberate refusal to follow rules? A general belief that it doesn’t matter? I just wouldn’t assume that all older people are confused.

It was so nice to read your response @Poirot1983 ..you sound like a thoughtful and considerate person. I wish there were more people like you walking around and fewer "tell her to fuck off and stay extra long to spite her" people.

@Allisnotlost1
"Well, at least I’m not the kind of inconsiderate twat that doesn’t bother to read the thread before posting to call other people names. No deliberate inconveniencing, no bitching.

If she had ‘real trouble’ with those extra sixty seconds it seems unlikely she’d have wandered over from where she’d ditched her own car, or to have then parked in a grassy area another distance away. I don’t assume every person with grey hair needs to be patronised and mollycoddled."

Err I did read the thread, and you did knowingly inconvenience another person though didn't you. You sat around after the lady asked you if you could move. That was a wilful decision you made. And my mistake, you definitely didn't intend for any bitching to occur on the thread. Of course not. You just fancied a chat.

People shouldn't need to be explicit in their descriptions of their personal needs, she made it clear that she needed the spot by the fact that she came over and asked for it, who knows what reason someone might need it. Whether it's mobility related or something else you might not necessarily consider.
Your attitude utterly stinks if you think merely being considerate to other people is patronising and mollycoddling. Ffs

@Allisnotlost1 'I hear you, but I think comparing how you’d behave at work vs how you’d behave while managing your own tricky things is apples and pears. My nan wouldn’t dream of knocking on a window and asking someone to move for her and she’s considerably older than this lady.'

Yes, that is fair enough but I should have been more clear that I would treat people I meet at work and in my everyday life how I would like my nan to be treated.

I suppose in a nutshell, this lady had her reasons and she appeared flustered and upon seeing that, I would personally not want to make her day harder and make her more flustered. I would want to make her day better and easier.

You chose not to assist in helping make her day a little bit easier.

I don't think that banging on your window was necessarily courteous but she had her reasons.

Like Poirot1983, I don't think this is so much a case of right or wrong, as one of courtesy and kindness.

From what you say, and the fact that you are seeking opinions, I wonder if you feel that, on this occasion, you didn't live up to the standards you set yourself and so feel some discomfort. If so, you can't turn the clock back so there's not much point in beating yourself up about it. After all, it's a rare person who never falls short, specially in distracting circumstances. But you might feel better if instead of finding (minor) fault in what the other person did, you accept that you could have been kinder and generally would be, and then just 'let it go' (at the risk of sounding like some Disney character).

This thread has given some interesting insight into the different ways people respond to the apparent needs/wants/convenience of others.

Pig ignorant eh? Projecting much?

🤦‍♂️

Got you. Yes I think that’s a fair point and I would generally agree with you. Why not make others lives easier if you can and it costs you nothing. As I said, I might have been more generous if I wasn’t distracted by the difficult thing I was dealing with. And I didn’t actually say no - I asked her where she thought I should go, and she said don’t worry.

I am a bit unsure though why I owe that to her, and she doesn’t owe it to me.

Not projecting at all @HelplessSoul

I just don't go out of my way to treat people awfully instead of making someone's life a little less difficult and I find it sad that other people do.

I think that’s a good summary, and I agree - I would normally have said sure, yes, move your car out the way and I’ll let you in, and laughed at the audacity of her.

I agree that it’s been interesting hearing different perspectives. That’s what I like about this place.