Really embarrassing poo question

[Donetrying1]

l can't believe l'm typing this but l am! Full disclosure, l have a GP appointment next Thursday so l'm doing the right thing but just wondered if anyone at all had ever had problems getting themselves clean after a bowel movement??
l open my bowels, use either wet wipes or that Wype gel and 'think' l'm clean. I then go for a wee a little while later and it's like l've never wiped at all! I then have to go through the whole palaver and this can happen 2 or 3 times. It never used to happen so something has changed, although no clue what! I'm in my early 60's sometime constipated so l take Movicol which makes it softer, otherwise l'm at a loss to explain it, hence the GP appointment. Just wondering if anyone else has had the same? Sorry if this is TMI! But thanks anyone in advance!

Sorry OP, I'm not sure what the type gel is , but assume it's 'wet' like the wet wipes you use?
Could it be this that is the issue? What happens if you just use normal loo roll ie. 'Dry'?
I know if I have ever used a toilet wipe, it feels like I'm moving 💩 from one place to another, ie - not absorbing.
I hope that makes sense 🤣

So as long as my hose doesn't land in the pan, the world is a safer place?

This is why in Eastern cultures, people actually wash their bums.

The excuses on this thread from people who would do anything to not wash their bums is quite gross.

Our friend is a colorectal surgeon (so you can imagine our dinner party conversations). He says you should barely need to wipe at all if everything is working as it should.

"The excuses on this thread from people who would do anything to not wash their bums is quite gross"

What are you even talking about? No one is against the idea of washing bums. Any bidet type devices etc just need to be installed correctly or have the correct preventative valves etc installed so have the relevant approvals.

Ironic that some people selfishly risk contaminating the public water supply with fecal matter and bacteria to save some money then pat themselves on the back about not being "gross "

Bidet is the way to go. I stayed in Hawaii got a while and bidets are standard there, my sphincter was in an absolutely fine state after even a few days.

I have one of these : https://www.amazon.co.uk/Original-Portable-sealable-Transforming-Personal/dp/B0CVFZ1DYF

its great

I'd it just me who doesn't get how bidets work? I mean, you can spray water on a poopy bum, but unless your giving it a good going over with a bit of soap and a mild abrasive, then it's still there isn't it?

How? It's just a tap with a spray head. You use it over the bowl and the water goes down the bowl. You don't drink from it

We went to Japan recently - they certainly know how to do toilets out there 🏆

There is literally nothing there when you’re done. It’s quite a powerful jet so just hoses anything off. The automatic ones have different settings for front and back bum, it gets it all.

Really, if you're having the perfect poop, it should not need much wiping at all. I learnt a lot from a gay website about keeping a clean booty. Basically a lot of the issue is diet; dairy and calciferous vegetables make for the everbrown butthole. However, the nice chap who jotted his orifice observations down on the website recommended a fibre supplement called Metamucil. It's an orange flavoured drink. Gives you the perfect poops. It doesn't taste bad at all, and it also controls appetite a bit.

I’m early 40s and had this for years. I was reminded by me buying white thongs for the first time in a decade. I’ve got arse lips or whatever they’re called from old piles.

I’ll make sure I have wet wipes for when I start dating again.

it is usually a secret for me and myself, and now the millions on MN.

that reminds me, I’m due a name change soon.

Have you had a bad birth in the past? Sometimes it can cause problems in the menopause after years of being fine. There’s lots of things that can be done for it though, once you’ve worked out that that’s what it is. (There’s not much knowledge about it out there even amongst GPs so it can be hard to find out that’s the problem.)

Enamel?? Does your arsehole have teeth?

I agree. You should be eating loads of fresh veg, wholegrains and nuts, lentils, etc. Every day. Cut down on processed carbs like bread, pasta, and fatty foods.

I also agree. A consultant told that we need to eat more fibre. I thought I was eating plenty but I upped my intake. My digestive system is now a lot better for it and I've lost some weight.

This is much cheaper:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07YDQTRWB?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_3&th=1

Genuine question. If you have a poo and a cursory wipe, then a full shower that gets everything properly clean (basically your usual morning shower) if there’s poo left on your bum that you’re showering off, technically there’s a risk you contaminate your water system? How? 😬 I should probably watch the video…

👍 it does make a massive difference to general health.

😂

What about the drying scenario?

A squirt of witch-hazel on the toilet paper is a good eco-friendly alternative to wipes.

It's for washing her arse. Not sure how she'll be drinking it.

Those are illegal in the UK.

It's a huge fine if you're found to have fitted one of those. 5k I believe.

You can't just install one on your water pipes. You need council approval and separate water system that's not connected to the mains.