MIL dilemma I can see us falling out big time

[llamaguy]

Context

my husband died from suicide late last year, it’s been a bit of a difficult time but things are getting better I guess but I’m reaching the end of my wits with my MIL

she just keeps taking stuff back and it’s got to the point now where I’m pissed off

first it was his cards from the funeral as she wanted to make a memorial book, then it was photographs from albums we had made together (neither of which I’ve ever seen before despite all the cards being to me)

then is was clothes of his to make a bear (again into the abyss)

now the icing on the cake is a chest of drawers she gave us when me and my husband got together, she now wants them back I keep saying no but she keeps saying “yes but they were mine and I’d like them back “

the drawers have no value they’re a beat up shoe cupboard but the memories of it and having all our kids shoes in there and 30 years together with this drawers are a comfort to me I still have his beat up walking shoes in there.

I’m at the point where I don’t have much left of his and this is one of those sentimental pieces

Am I being unreasonable to suggest if she asks again for them I’m just going to leave them outside and for her not to contact me again

I understand she’s grieving but I lost my husband my kids their dad, he lived with me a lot longer than her and towards the end they had a big fall out so I understand she’s compensating for how they last spoke etc, but I just don’t know what to do about her anymore I don’t know how I can say no anymore without being down right rude, and if she insists then I just don’t want anything to do with her, it would be the final straw and if she wants to see the grandkids she can make arrangements outside of my home

when will she be happy when she has everything of his? What am I meant to do? I’ve barely anything sentimental left to give to my kids as it is, he didn’t really keep anything so it’s stuff like this I want to hang onto

or am I just being unreasonable and I should let her have it?

I'm sure that requests and actions aren't ill intentioned.

I'm not!

And who is OP and her children?

It’s getting pretty ridiculous the way some posters are telling OP knowing OP is also grieving to cut MIL some slack yet don’t seem to think MIL should be doing the same.

It screams “be the better person” to someone who is already doing so but not the other person who should be actually doing it.

You know when my mother died my grandmother was inconsolable
she never got over it - nearly collapsed at the funeral ( and she was a very strong woman)
She lived another 5 years , died a year after my grandad.
But she never asked for a thing from my poor Dad.
infact Her and other grandmother stayed with my dad , looking after him and my sister ( late teen) for a little bit.
hasn’t op’s mil got her own photos?
grandmother had loads

I do have 3 kids. They get it, thankfully. Talk to yours. I suspect they want a peaceful Christmas, too. Have you got digital versions of the photos? You need those back!

while I would never encourage you to put your kids in the middle of this, I think they are old enough to know the WHOLE story and decide for themselves. From your side there will be proof as you no longer have the items.