AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

I'd move. Sounds like nightmare & they never end well.

Thanksgiving isn’t September it’s November

Sometimes you have to hold your horses. I learnt the hard way that being a generous hostess. People take the piss. Some people go from 0>60 within two glasses of wine. Every brief visit isn't an invitation to party. It's horrible for all involved if you have a 'guest' overdoes it, especially if you've colluded.

What is a cute garden?

She sounds quirky but fun … which I reckon is better than being stuck up, stingy and judgmental.

I think quirky is a very kind description, she sounds like a nightmare! I’m assuming you live in the UK? Just tell her you don’t do Thanksgiving. And anyway, wasn’t it started by the “pilgrims” (aka invaders and religious nuts) who “founded” (aka invaded and slaughtered the indigenous people) modern America. I don’t see why anyone would want to celebrate that!

That's sort of the myth of the first Thanksgiving, but the modern one was established by Lincoln during the Civil War.

I’d be more than happy for people to offer to contribute if I was putting on a Megafeast, especially if framed as they’d love to contribute practically but can’t.

if I ever got to someone’s house I bring food or a gift. If they’re ordering a takeaway despite inviting me I’d offer money.

if they’d asked me to take part in providing the extravaganza and I don’t have the capacity then yes, certainly I’d offer to pay for whatever I can’t make or provide

I had a recent houseguest who allowed me to cater to her every whim for a whole week including meals out and home cooking, making requests for things out of my budget, helping herself to the fridge items when hungry, where I’d budgeted carefully for her stay including mine and the kids’ usual food and not one offer of reciprocation.

im a single parent on a low wage, it was a shock and I will never feel the same about her again. I might not have even accepted any offer of money or anything but even a gesture would have been appreciated.

Colluded with whom?

She sounds a bit bonkers, but on a good day, I would probably think meh, why not?, say yes, then regret it. I would then toy with the idea with cancelling nearer the time, then feel guilty and go anyway, and probably end up having a great time.
You posh aperitif/pringle situation seems equally mad to me. Join in!

You sound like Mrs Bucket, trying to be far posher than you actually are.

I'd be baffled why so many demands for an event 2 months away and would struggle to participate in a holiday that is celebrating colonialism but it's just a roast dinner and you can be thankful that people are waking up to the barbaric nature of imperialism if you wanted.

If you have to worry about replacing a tube of Pringles and guests having another glass of wine from a financial perspective then you need to communicate that. If it's because it's not "the done thing", you just need to get over yourself and do everyone a favor and refuse this and all future invites.

I would happily go, I would take her back the walnuts and tell her (nicely) they aren't going to happen. Do you know how many people are going? If she has asked you to bring a dish, I assume it must be quite a few, especially if she has asked you to bring a chair. Treat it like any other gathering where people contribute a dish and a bottle (plus your chair)

I want to go to a cute garden with a walnut turkey

I need an American neighbour

I can also eat a whole tub of Pringles, but prawn cocktail flavour sound rank

pringles for a cute garden soirée don’t really cut it, try a monster munch

I think the flavour of prawn cocktail crisps is really just Marie rose sauce, no?

and when you think about it, insofar as it's a celebration of colonialism, it's British colonialism that's being celebrated. They certainly didn't think of themselves as anything else in 1620.

if we're on cultural differences, the American cocktail sauce for shrimp/prawns is chili sauce (slightly spicy ketchup, really) with horseradish and lemon.

https://x.com/APartridgeQOTD/status/1900139791699603502

I loved Thanksgiving when I lived in the US. My colleagues (big Bank) did pie drives (everyone brings a pie), coat drives (everyone brings their kids grown out of coats and swaps them) and pot luck (everyone brings a casserole, cake etc). It was very inclusive and heartwarming.

How does one make a Turkey from a walnut? Do they also wear little pilgrim hats?

Your cute garden?! 😂 Please explain!

And Pringles are both naff and minging.

Embrace or communicate. But Dont do that annoying English thing of neither embracing her quirks nor communicating your English feelings. There’s a huge possibility for inter-culture friendship and learning here for BOTH sides but you need to get the right level of comfort and boundaries.

once you do this there’s a beautiful friendship to foster and work on.

The 1970s called, they want their early evening drinks back.

Oy

Vey

@Wallaw1-
Recipe plus video here. I've used juniper berries a couple of times, but also the allspice berries the recipe calls for, and I like both.

I brine the turkey overnight and stick it in the oven after sitting it out for a while.

I feel you OP and your neighbour sounds intense but as a Brit living in the US, I can hand-on- heart tell you that Thanksgiving is
the most wholesome, non-secular holiday in the American calendar - think of it as an ampted up version of the harvest festivals
we grew up with - and one I think we would all do well to embrace. After all it is, as the name suggests, giving thanks and being grateful for what we have (food, family, friends, community, health, shelter … whatever it means to you) in a world where materialism and instant gratification seem to drive so much of what we do. So while your neighbour might be a little much - I’ve never heard of walnut turkeys! - perhaps embrace it just once and see what happens … you might find you like it …

DH once got bear chili at the Thanksgiving potluck as a colleague was a hunter.

I do love Thanksgiving as well. It's all about having friends and family over, eating loads, and then collapsing. No religious rituals, none of the consumerism of Christmas.