AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

If you can't buy miniature turkeys out of walnuts on Amazon, it would be a No from me.

@IWantAWalnutTurkey have you tried the Smitten Kitchen honey cake recipe? It's wonderful (but huuuge - I have so much cake[

https://smittenkitchen.com/2008/09/majestic-and-moist-honey-cake/?fbclid=IwY2xjawM9X9FleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETE3VURGRjBzc3VkWklBME5LAR6g5bWTcOuqtBbRiv5kDFoskJNaZSrjBh307Aov48bDPZWzoqxpRqZYULsMXQ_aem__8pSE2IXp0wUBWUwlddxJg

I think you are being rude. Yeah she sounds quirky but you don't need to say yes and she sounds like she is being kind to invite you and include you , and in return you are publicly shaming her. That is more than rude IMO- it's shameful.

She sounds like a lot of fun tbh.

I spent a year working in the USA when I was younger - and yes they can be really full on. However they are a friendly crowd (compared with us Brits) so I would not snub her. She probably wouldnt even notice anyway. Americans do not generally do subtlty.

If you dont want to get involved in what is a really BIG thing across the pond just decline politely and say something vague like "I dont know what we are doing" as you "have a lot on with family things". Thats one of the good thngs about being in a couple because your parents/in laws can always have plans. And of course these would trump (unfortunate word that) any plans with mere neighbours.

As a single I was always being invited to things in the USA and you are often free to invite yourself in a way that in UK would be considered pushy. If your neighbour is having a party in their cute garden (they would call it a yard) no one is goig to turn a hair if you rock up with a bottle of wine/some food and join them.

Just tell her you don't have time to make the turkeys.

Our weekends get massively booked up so I'm not surprised she's checked if you're free.

I would have to move! 😂

I'd hope guests in my home would help themselves to crisps and wine, hate guests who expect you to wait on them hand and foot

Well, that's a rude way to think about it. OP has been kindly invited to someone's cultural tradition. Refusing the offer doesn't need to be based on snobbery.

Dear god no, when will Americans in the UK realise no one gives a stuff about Thanksgiving. It'll be Disney slumber parties next.

yeah but its generally rammed down our throats by pushy obnoxious Americans who think we are interested in it, so no, just decline the invite.

Hanging out with Americans on one of their holiday days and sharing their food?

Good God, whatever next?

Americans tend to be social, friendly and inviting. OP's neighbour might have quirks and be out of step with British ways, but she's just trying to be inclusive and make friends. She likely misses the excitement of US holidays and Thanksgiving is bigger than Christmas there (and Christmas is pretty big). It's usual to decorate and a DIY decor is considered cute and fun. OP has lots of notice. Make some bloody walnut turkeys, a mac 'n cheese casserole and take a couple bottles of wine, It is the British way, after all, to have a bit of fun and enjoy a good meal.
FWIW, during Covid lockdown I Googled US Thanksgiving food and cooked a green bean casserole, mac n' cheese, sweet potato pie and delivered it with roast turkey to my elderly American neighbour at American Thanksgiving and she was thrilled.

I saw it with my own eyes, it still had the ridges from the top and bottom of the tin. What they then did with it, I don’t know. Probably pie filling 🤷‍♀️

I dislike the 'hate American on their national day' rhetoric.

It doesn't hurt anyone doing an American Thanksgiving last week of November, if anything it's a run up to Christmas with the turkey & co! DH is American and our friends love a Thanksgiving dinner.

Some people are excited to share their traditions. Thanksgiving is about gratitude and enjoying time with friends and family. If a person cannot get on board with that God help us.

Don't go, the food is not great (pumpkin stuff that comes out of a tin in one go still in the shape of the tin)

Ooo yes, I remember from the Thanksgiving meal I went to they had something red in a lump - could have been cranberry sauce or something similar - that was tin shaped and still had the lines from the tin on it. Didn't really matter what it was though as it was watery and tasted of nothing except slightly of the tin.

I wouldn't mind bringing a casserole, have no idea how to make turkeys out of walnuts (or why), but I couldn't bring myself to emote about what I am thankful for. But annoyance over the pringles and wine thing? Just as weird.

Thanksgiving is a really lovely celebration, celebrating what you are thankful for and what's good in your life. Its quite an emotional day. Its very family/friends orientated its really nice shame we do not celebrate it here

Personally I would go and just accept she is a bit full on

As for pringles and wine, really ... she felt at home that's all

I’m an American and Jewish and I’m delighted to go spend Christmas and Burns night at friends’ houses. The more celebrations the better! We had a bunch of British Christian’s round for Rosh Hashanah over the weekend. It was super fun.

(in response to the various posters going on about how horrible it would be to share someone else’s traditions)

there's no need to emote. Typically, the tradition is to just say something you're grateful for. It's usually around the dinner table if it's a sit-down. It can be light-hearted or sentimental. I might say, I'm thankful for new friends and then raise my glass. It's quite simple.

I don't get this attitude.

I'm Canadian, and we celebrate Thanksgiving in October. (Thanksgiving actually sprung up in Canada before the US.) I don't expect anyone in the UK to do their own celebration, but if I organised something for my UK friends and their response was "I'm not coming because I don't celebrate it", I'd think they were really rude and close-minded.

It's the most important holiday in North America after Christmas, so people plan for it a few months in advance, just like people do for Christmas. Pretty normal for people to bring a dish and talk about what they're thankful for. Turkey walnuts are weird, just say you don't have time.

Maybe she's missing home. Try to imagine if you were the only person interested in celebrating Christmas and do her the courtesy of sharing a meal with her if you're free and she's otherwise kind.

Thanksgiving is actually the loveliest holiday. It's not as involved as Christmas, and it's all based around sharing a meal with people you love, with no expectations of presents, decorating, songs, work dos ... and after 41 years of Thanksgiving, I've always noticed that there is always some part of life that is good, even if the rest is falling apart.

I actually prefer it to Christmas.

Aren't you a fun sponge?!
I'd love to join in and see what it's all about, including small walnut turkeys
Suggest you say no given making some small turkeys and bringing one dish seems all a bit much for you

Given I only say a polite hello and take parcels in front of my neighbours, but I do find it strange you’d have neighbours / people round you don’t like very much.

I like exuberant people and the turkey crafts are ace! I also like new recipes so would be asking if she could share some traditional ones with me!

if it’s a tradition to share what you are thankful for I’d be grateful for heads up. Otherwise it’d be that awkward ice breaker feeling (tell us something no one knows about you…) and ny mind would go blank!

I'm British by origin and American since my fifties and I am a convert to Thanksgiving, although it usually involves far too many pies. If you're in the UK I can see that it might seem OTT for what is essentially a roast dinner, but I love the get-together aspect with no presents and just good company part of it. I'd do a hard pass on the walnut turkeys though.