To be annoyed at friend for taking her kid to A&E so often

[sellotape12]

We live at the top of a road and at the end is our local hospital. I have a fairly new Mum friend from preschool. A big personality, (possibly her Spanish roots) and quite the drama queen. I feel myself getting very very mildly irritated because she literally takes her kid to A&E every single month.
In the past 2-3 months she and her husband have taken the kid to A&E for

• A fever. Hospital sent them home and said just use Calpol and get rest.
• A bad repetitive cough. She was sent home for bed rest
• A graze on her nose after she fell from a scooter. Could’ve been treated at home with basic first aid.
• “Pains in her leg”. A&E doctors said it was growing pains.
• fever from the injection site after having preschool jabs.

Each time we get the full story and I think she expects a flurry of attention. This isn’t a panic or anxious person who suffers from hypochondria. She treats the hospital as if it’s a walk-in GP clinic because of its proximity.

I’m pretty sure that in every single case she could’ve just googled it or used the helpful NHS website. I feel annoyed that she’s wasting the resources of actual urgent medical cases, but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable in having this eye roll! How would you feel?

But you know sometimes (and I'm not justifying all these visits, something happens and you're just not sure. Dd woke us once in the middle of the night , crying in pain. No temperature, no reason for the pain.. I suspected she needed the loo and it might have been gas but me and hubby' just didnt know what to do so we ook her to a and e in case it was serious. Well of course it wasn't. An hour or two after being there she went loo and pain was gone. I felt awful and embarrassed but she dedo doesn't usually cry like that.. im just wondering if on these occasions maybe she thought something was wrong. P.s I did not post the event on social media and never would, I was too worried my child was either dying or had trapped gas 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

This! While I wouldn't go to A&E with any of the symptoms, moving to the UK was a huge shock for us in terms of availability of healthcare and generally health advice.
My friends' live in Europe, their child fell out of puschair on their head - they called an ambulance to see the child and the ambulance actually arrived! The child was completely Ok.
In comparison, I went to A&E in the UK one time when my child fell from quite a height and felt stupid for coming, my understanding now is that unless the child is unconscious for a couple of minutes or has other concerning symptoms, I shouldn't come.

It has nothing to do with her being Spanish, but if she’s from a wealthy family she probably relied on private healthcare and doesn’t grasp the difference? A bit like when tourists think they can just rock up at any hospital on holidays and don’t actually check their insurance (I’ve had a few friends have issues with this).

She’s probably an anxious parent.

I will say though, when DD slammed her toes so hard they looked broken, i was very surprised they told me to just get a taxi (UK). I don’t drive and live on a third floor, getting her to the hospital was a nightmare. Maybe the expectations and availability are just different.

sounds a bit like you're jealous tbh that she's settled in and has friends/acquaintances already that are interested in her life.

How on earth did you reach that conclusion??!!

I say this coming from USA healthcare…be assured if you have clocked how many times she has accessed a&e for non urgent care I’m quite confident the clinicians at your a&e have clocked it too and have their ways of letting each other know her usage is outside of normal.

To be honest, a gp recently tried to tell me ds petechial rash was eczema. Thankfully I took him to A&E and they ran bloods straight away and did a chest X-ray which found a bad chest infection.

My ds suffers from recurrent tonsilitis. Whenever I take him to the GP for it, they mostly refuse to give antibiotics. He almost always gets a petechial rash with it and now whenever he has it, I always take him to A&E due to the rash and they have always prescribed antibiotics. All times he has pus spots on his tonsils but the GPs seem to go against NHS guidelines and don’t prescribe antibiotics.

Your example of an ear infection is wrong as they are also meant to be treated the same day.

My ex is a GP and the horror stories I used to hear from him alongside my own experience with them makes me dubious of them. He had failed his exam many times but was still working as a trainee GP.

I also saw one who tried to tell me I had health anxiety whilst being referred to the oncologist for a suspected cancerous ovarian cyst. I ended up in A&E the following day with a ruptured cyst and was on the operating table within hours of arriving.

I really miss the laughter emoji 😂

Totally.

See on the one hand I’d never post it on social media (I mean fgs) but a couple of christmasses ago I went to a&e for antibiotics at like 8pm on a weeknight for a skin infection, I was busy at work and knew I’d struggle to get a GP appointment because of the time of year and I was busy working. It was a long wait and I was expecting it, but it was easier than my alternative. It was absolutely FULL of people. Groups of atleast 2 and I couldn’t tell which one was the patient. Both parents with 2+ kids and I don’t know why they all needed to be there. Eavesdropping on conversations I heard one person tell someone they saw who they knew/got friendly with that they were “actually between jobs atm” so I don’t know why they were there at 8pm. People bringing their friend/partner and speaking for them and saying they’d not been able to keep anything down for 24+ hours not even water, who I then watched order stuff out the vending machine. Parents bringing kids and putting them in wheelchairs because they were so ill and had additional needs and couldn’t be expected to wait as long as the regular people who gave up and went home without being seen. At one point they called security because it was standing room only and they were trying to get people who weren’t patients to leave, suddenly everyone needed a carer (I saw an Asian lady say she needed to translate for her mom, security said they could get a translator and she then said well I’m her carer I’m staying, after that the white British people said the same and security just sort of sighed and left).
The NHS is a sorry state, but tbh I pay a decent whack of tax and you literally cannot beat them so sometimes you have to join them. Some of the care I’ve received in the past has been disappointingly shocking. I’m amazed at how they managed to convince them to send an ambulance for a graze though, I had a 4 hour wait for an ambulance when I thought I was dying (called 111 and suspected kidney stones) and I literally couldn’t move, couldn’t get off the floor and in too much pain to cry but I did feel sick and faint.

I wouldn't say anything. Sounds like the cultural difference plays a part.

Sometimes though, you also don't know what is best. Unexplained leg pains can be a symptom of cancer and I can understand why a parent might panic and want them to be checked in that case.

Same here, being Spanish. You only have to read the thread posted by a lady here yesterday with a very poorly child and being fobbed off by her GP to be concerned when you are not taken seriously bu health professionals.

Personally, the only way I 've managed to have my children referred to a paediatrician is by going to A&E. It had to be an A&E dr that told me to do something about my daughter's recurrent tonsillitis, and another one to have her referred for joint swelling.

@sellotape12 I think this is part of the problem. The UK has (in my opinion) one of the most hands off approach with regards to health. In other countries kids are seen regularly for check ups by paediatricians and often if the may have a cold and flu just to rule out something more serious. So there might be an adjustment required there. But having said that taking your child to a&e after fever due to jabs or not seems a bit extra as the kids say 🤭 but you do read/hear such horrible stories about not being able to get gp appointments or just being constantly told it’s nothing or they will grow out of it - sometimes you panic.

Our expectations on healthcare are too low. I’ve lived in France, Germany and Belgium. The level of care in the UK is terrible in comparison. I’ve had a child in Belgium and a child in the UK and the levels of care are just not comparable. It isn’t wrong for us to want better or for people to expect better care than we receive. We’ve been gaslit into believing the NHS is fantastic. Individually the doctors and nurses who work within the NHS are good but the entire system they operate within is broken.

I wondered about that, too...

Just reflecting on all the comments about different cultures and different health care around the world...

Yes, it's not good to aviod the drs with genuinely concerning symptoms, but A&E for a graze is ridiculous and people in other countries demanding antibiotics for a cold (a virus!!! Not a bacterial infection!) isn't just pointless- it's actively damaging- antibiotic resistance affects everyone- so I don't understand why so many people view this as good health care just because the patient gets what they want.

Also, I'm not convinced that every ailment needs to be seen by a specialist. "What's your speciality Dr?" "Grazes"

first time parents need that reassurance it’s a bit horrible to sit there and judge them. doubt anyone would want to sit in a waiting room with a poorly child for six hours unless they really felt the need or needed medical reassurance from a DOCTOR not google.

This is what I find the most shocking:
"For some reason we are expected to not complain and be nothing but grateful even when we are permanently harmed by poor care"
Thinking about the country where I grew up, there are many things that don't work well but the healthcare is actually pretty good compared to the NHS. However, people complain about the service they get a lot more than in the UK and there definitely isn't the concept of being a burden - if you're worried, you should see a doctor, if for nothing else than reassurance.

As an example, my husband was recently diagnosed with a pretty serious, not life threatening but unpleasant condition. GP wouldn't see him despite concerning symptoms . GP prescribed him one set of antibiotics and when they didn't work and had side effects, they have him another type of antibiotics??
This without any tests whatsoever.
I made my husband see private GP as we were desperate, we were prepared to pay for private check up yet the doctor actually told him to go straight to the urgent care centre where they kept my husband the whole day!
Guess what - now my husband needs the "fit note's from the GP but despite being off work for almost 2 weeks, GP offered him a phone call for next week! Apparently fit notes can be backdated, so why bother?
My takeaway from all this is that you actually need to go to A&E if gp doesn't help you, and you need to make a huge fuss otherwise good luck being seen

Even a visit to a GP isn't necessary in some of those cases.

Agreed.
Strange competitive pride in never having been to A&E or never bothering a doctor.

I know this shaming attitude leads to people ,who need help, delaying and suffering consequences.

NHS is absolutely dreadful, we should not count ourselves ‘lucky’ to see a doctor.

As for women’s health services, as a society we should be ashamed.

Leave your friend alone, she obviously is used to a proactive health service.

Agree! Ppl are so precious about the NHS when it’s a pile of crap when it comes to it.

I can imagine it’s confusing to move to a system where there are a lot of barriers to accessing care. I’ve never waited more than 15 minutes in a Spanish A&E but usually we wait less. You can always see a paediatrician the same day (and they do have better knowledge of child-specific things like croup than a GP). I’ve called an ambulance 4 times for my children and they arrive in 5–8 minutes.
However, I’ve also noticed that some parents of all nationalities and backgrounds find it really hard to judge when to consult a doctor, particularly when neither they nor their children have ever had any kind of serious illness.
I would assume that the triage in your local a&e is working and stops her literally killing people by attending, as some have suggested. I’m sure they can also suggest to her how better to access care if they don’t think she should be there.

This.
I wrote on that thread early yesterday about my son being fobbed off repeatedly by GP and walk in doctors and when I insisted on going to A and E everyone was eye rolling at my " Spanish" overreaction.

And at A and E my son was instantly admitted to hospital!!

Definitely some cultural differences. In Spain we wouldn't hesitate to go wherever necessary to get prompt medical attention.

The Snapchat and selfie stuff is not Spanish though. That's just international arseholery attention seeking.

Just to point out it is free at point of delivery which most others aren’t

Yep, fully aware 👍🏼

When my gran started with dementia, one of the first signs was that she kept telling people to get the doctor round (because in her mind, it was the 90s, and the family GP always wanted to come to see ill children at home).
Admittedly not for all these reasons!
But I heard an AE nurse say a lot of people just turn up there because they can't get in at the GP.