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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at friend for taking her kid to A&E so often

188 replies

sellotape12 · 23/09/2025 10:01

We live at the top of a road and at the end is our local hospital. I have a fairly new Mum friend from preschool. A big personality, (possibly her Spanish roots) and quite the drama queen. I feel myself getting very very mildly irritated because she literally takes her kid to A&E every single month.
In the past 2-3 months she and her husband have taken the kid to A&E for

  • A fever. Hospital sent them home and said just use Calpol and get rest.
  • A bad repetitive cough. She was sent home for bed rest
  • A graze on her nose after she fell from a scooter. Could’ve been treated at home with basic first aid.
  • “Pains in her leg”. A&E doctors said it was growing pains.
  • fever from the injection site after having preschool jabs.

Each time we get the full story and I think she expects a flurry of attention. This isn’t a panic or anxious person who suffers from hypochondria. She treats the hospital as if it’s a walk-in GP clinic because of its proximity.

I’m pretty sure that in every single case she could’ve just googled it or used the helpful NHS website. I feel annoyed that she’s wasting the resources of actual urgent medical cases, but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable in having this eye roll! How would you feel?

OP posts:
TheProfoundlyPeculiarPointOfPete · 23/09/2025 14:58

InsectsMatter · 23/09/2025 14:38

When the 5p plastic bag tax was brought in people stopped taking them overnight.
A nominal charge would stop this kind of abuse of the NHS by these entitled time wasters..

Can you think of a reason why "owning a plastic bag" and "accessing healthcare" might need different approaches?

FairKoala · 23/09/2025 14:59

DiscoBob · 23/09/2025 10:13

I mean surely she simply doesn't realise she doesn't need to wait around for upto 12 hours sitting on a horribly uncomfortable chair next to a load of gravely sick and injured people?

Why would anyone want to go there? It literally makes me sick. Just going there with someone else who needs it.

Explain to her that if it isn't an emergency then it's the GP or pharmacist you use. Which won't waste half a day and leave you exhausted.

It must be a cultural thing if she isn't one for health anxiety.

Our A&E takes at most a couple of hours

I have been in and out with in the hour

I have spent more than that time trying to get through to get a GP’s appointment

DiscoBob · 23/09/2025 15:00

FairKoala · 23/09/2025 14:59

Our A&E takes at most a couple of hours

I have been in and out with in the hour

I have spent more than that time trying to get through to get a GP’s appointment

Edited
Show quote history

Wow! As in you're either treated or have a bed in two hours?! I need to move to your area!

Round here it's usually 8-12.

Clearinguptheclutter · 23/09/2025 15:01

partly cultural but it sounds like she likes the attention
I couldnt' resist sayhing something like
you know you can just go to a pharmacit or GP for stuff like this, you don't need to sit around in A&E allday.
I recognise not all GPs are on the ball but at ours they guarntee all children a call or appointment for children on the day. And you can message them with queries and you get a text back within an hour or two. Either of those are vastly superior to waiting around at A&E for hours surely

If she came to our A&E I'd hope she got told exactly what is and is not appropriate for A&E. T

ChestnutGrove · 23/09/2025 15:06

sellotape12 · 23/09/2025 10:10

I haven’t mentioned it to her because I’m just not that kind of person. There’s always a selfie on Snapchat from the hospital waiting room that were expected to fawn over. And I just don’t like giving people unnecessary attention. She’s from a fairly wealthy family in Madrid (I think) and I think they were just used to having healthcare on the spot when they were growing up. I don’t know if she’s put two and two together that ours is a public health system and is under so many struggles. But the husband is British and never lived anywhere else and he’s all over it too. When the scooter thing happened, they literally called an ambulance. If it was me or if it had been my mum, we would’ve got out our really good first aid kit, some Calpol, a gauze pad maybe and had lots of cuddles.

Edited

Wow. So do people call an ambulance if their child gets a graze in Spain then?

zoemum2006 · 23/09/2025 15:07

I have a Bulgarian friend who is just like this; she is in the A&E all the time too (and her kids).

It's awful when you first meet us because I seem like I don't care when she talks about her brain tumour but last week it was breast cancer and now she has a collapse lung (Im not making this up). I just look sympathetic and say "oh no'. I hope one day it doesn't turn out to be serious.

chocolatemademefat · 23/09/2025 15:09

I would ignore the whole thing and if she brings it up tell her that’s why in this country we have GP’s . Unfortunately it’s because of time wasters like her that A&E departments can’t cope .

Babyboomtastic · 23/09/2025 15:13

DiscoBob · 23/09/2025 15:00

Wow! As in you're either treated or have a bed in two hours?! I need to move to your area!

Round here it's usually 8-12.

Show quote history

The longest I've waited was 4 hours, but that was for triage, x rays to be taken, discussing results with doctor and treatment given for the fracture. That was on a weekend evening.

Other times, in and out within 1-2 hours with treatment included (fortunately never anything requiring admission). That's for kids but adult family members have had similar. When a family member needed an ambulance recently (cat 2/3 I expect,) it was less than 3 hours between the first call to 111, a call back from Dr, an ambulance being called, arriving, taking her to hospital, being admitted, given a bed (in A&E), bloods taken and preliminary treatment started.

Not everywhere is crap.

Travelfairy · 23/09/2025 15:13

We were on holidays in Portugal once and my daughter had a bad case of tonsillitis. Not an emergency but needed an antibiotic. We went to a clinic and they were apologising profusely that we would have to wait 40 mins to see a Paediatrician. I said oh we dont need a Paediatrician but thats how they do things. When we met her she was absolutely lovely, asked if there was anything else we were concerned about as we would be paying the full fee for a small issue. I was bracing myself for the bill. 75 euro and the best care we have had to date. Here in Ireland its 65 euro for a GP consultation....

To reply to OP though she sounds like a massive attention seeker and yes probably dome cultural factors but who goes to A&E anywhere with a grazed nose, absolutely ridiculous. I hope its just that shes an attention seeker and this isn't a unchallenged bi proxy scenario

Momstermash94 · 23/09/2025 15:15

GreenLemonade · 23/09/2025 13:08

NHS is utterly broken but somehow most people accept it as normal. A parent should be able to have their child seen by a doctor if they are worried.

100% agree. I've taken my 8 mo to the GP twice (other than her vaccines and routine checks). Once at about 4 weeks because she screamed all night long like she was in pain and just couldn't be settled, tummy was rock solid and passing wind and going to the toilet didn't help. I thought something was wrong because of the level of crying. The GP was so patronising and said "babies cry...let me guess, first baby..?" almost with an eye roll and said its just colic, but I wanted to make sure it wasn't more serious.

The second time she was 7mo, she had diarrhoea for over a week and was going every hour. I took her to the GP and was met with "baby poo is meant to be runny..." like I was stupid, my baby was 7mo at that point, I know what to expect in a nappy and diarrhoea of that colour every hour is not it, again I was met with another comment like "this is your first child isn't it?.." suggesting I am completely wasting their time just because she didnt have a fever. Treatment like that has really knocked my confidence in taking my baby to the GP when she's not well and that isn't a normal way to live

ilovepixie · 23/09/2025 15:19

Do other countries like Spain pay for health care?

MyrtleLion · 23/09/2025 15:26

sellotape12 · 23/09/2025 11:42

She has a family doctor and is registered with our local GP practice. I think they don’t want to wait for the admin and time it takes to ask for a doctor’s appt. So when kid gets an ear infection, they take her to A&E for five hours rather than make a routine appointment. Or they call an ambulance. But like I said, husband is a Brit so it’s not 100% a cultural thing, they just want to be seen same day.

Edited

They could become patients at a private GP. Then she'd have a doctor on tap.

Over a third of GPs in the UK don't work for the NHS any more.

Cakeandusername · 23/09/2025 15:29

If she is a friend could you explain pharmacy first scheme and tell her where minor injuries unit is. Suggest a paediatric first aid course together, there’s a local company to us that does courses very popular.

Movingonup313 · 23/09/2025 15:35

Could you send her a.link or screenshot of the advice that details when to self treat, when to go to a pharmacist, when to call the GP and when to go to A&E. That might assist with her understanding of what services deliver and who best to approach. Shame resources are directed to this. Could she be anxious. I suppose you already addressed that. Block! ;-)

whynotwhatknot · 23/09/2025 15:39

how did she get an abnbulance out when she lives at the end of the road-jesus they should haverefused

padso · 23/09/2025 15:41

Yeah Europeans are used to actually being able to see doctors and don’t generally go with the British approach of you only get to want to see a doctor if you are on death’s door.

This

ChestnutGrove · 23/09/2025 15:43

The fact she's taking selfies in A&E and making a big drama each time about minor issues does suggest she gets a buzz from all the sympathy and attention. Like you I'd be bored of feeding it by now.

GreenLemonade · 23/09/2025 15:46

Momstermash94 · 23/09/2025 15:15

100% agree. I've taken my 8 mo to the GP twice (other than her vaccines and routine checks). Once at about 4 weeks because she screamed all night long like she was in pain and just couldn't be settled, tummy was rock solid and passing wind and going to the toilet didn't help. I thought something was wrong because of the level of crying. The GP was so patronising and said "babies cry...let me guess, first baby..?" almost with an eye roll and said its just colic, but I wanted to make sure it wasn't more serious.

The second time she was 7mo, she had diarrhoea for over a week and was going every hour. I took her to the GP and was met with "baby poo is meant to be runny..." like I was stupid, my baby was 7mo at that point, I know what to expect in a nappy and diarrhoea of that colour every hour is not it, again I was met with another comment like "this is your first child isn't it?.." suggesting I am completely wasting their time just because she didnt have a fever. Treatment like that has really knocked my confidence in taking my baby to the GP when she's not well and that isn't a normal way to live

Show quote history

When DS was 2 weeks old I thought something wasn't right. His symptoms were non specific but my instinct was screaming at me that he wasn't well.

I ummed and ahhed for the better part of the day but finally, I took him to A&E. The first nurse we saw was awful. She was dismissive and patronising, gave me the whole speech about first time mother's anxiety and the need to be resilient. Then the blood test results came back with sky high CRP and she shut up. We were immediately admitted to the pediatric ward with suspected meningitis and sepsis. Thankfully, from that point on the care was excellent and DS came out of it with no long term damage.

But I will never tell a parent to not see a doctor if they are worried about their child.

Dexysmidnightstroller · 23/09/2025 15:53

This has been a problem for decades - my father worked for the NHS in the 80s. A&E being used as a GP, often by different cultures who simply assume sick child = go to hospital, no matter how trivial. Even the concept of the GP is confusing to them - there’s the hospital so there we go. This is unusual though in that your person plainly has the ability to know it’s inappropriate but just doesn’t care, since going to A&E is evidently more convenient for them.

labamba18 · 23/09/2025 16:04

Agree with this, I’ve worked with many Spanish, Greeks and French and they all push to see doctors way more than British. At first I thought it was odd then actually I think we’re in a culture of don’t see a doctor unless you’re dying which is quite harmful

DiscoBob · 23/09/2025 16:06

Babyboomtastic · 23/09/2025 15:13

The longest I've waited was 4 hours, but that was for triage, x rays to be taken, discussing results with doctor and treatment given for the fracture. That was on a weekend evening.

Other times, in and out within 1-2 hours with treatment included (fortunately never anything requiring admission). That's for kids but adult family members have had similar. When a family member needed an ambulance recently (cat 2/3 I expect,) it was less than 3 hours between the first call to 111, a call back from Dr, an ambulance being called, arriving, taking her to hospital, being admitted, given a bed (in A&E), bloods taken and preliminary treatment started.

Not everywhere is crap.

Show quote history

I'm glad to hear that. My local hospital is often rated as one of the best in the UK. But it's always really busy in A&E. Densely populated area that's also rammed full of tourists.

I know it's not really their fault as they have no control over how many people need to use the service.

Coconutter24 · 23/09/2025 16:10

sellotape12 · 23/09/2025 11:42

She has a family doctor and is registered with our local GP practice. I think they don’t want to wait for the admin and time it takes to ask for a doctor’s appt. So when kid gets an ear infection, they take her to A&E for five hours rather than make a routine appointment. Or they call an ambulance. But like I said, husband is a Brit so it’s not 100% a cultural thing, they just want to be seen same day.

Edited

Next time the child has something wrong why not suggest a local pharmacy or GP? Ear infection for example “oh that’s a long wait in A&E, why not try the pharmacist they can usually look at that if the GP can’t see you today”…. Although when I’ve rang for an ear infection for a child they’ve never not seen them same day

SirBasil · 23/09/2025 16:11

"her Spanish roots" Really OP? REALLY?

SirBasil · 23/09/2025 16:12

sellotape12 · 23/09/2025 10:10

I haven’t mentioned it to her because I’m just not that kind of person. There’s always a selfie on Snapchat from the hospital waiting room that were expected to fawn over. And I just don’t like giving people unnecessary attention. She’s from a fairly wealthy family in Madrid (I think) and I think they were just used to having healthcare on the spot when they were growing up. I don’t know if she’s put two and two together that ours is a public health system and is under so many struggles. But the husband is British and never lived anywhere else and he’s all over it too. When the scooter thing happened, they literally called an ambulance. If it was me or if it had been my mum, we would’ve got out our really good first aid kit, some Calpol, a gauze pad maybe and had lots of cuddles.

Edited

the more of your posts i read the more i think: you are not her friend. Move on.

bumbaloo · 23/09/2025 16:14

SpiritOnTheLevel · 23/09/2025 10:11

My Spanish colleague who has recently had a baby was utterly baffled as to why each child does not have a specialist paediatrician assigned to them for help and support (as was the norm in the city she was born in). It's possible that she is alarmed that the level of support from the NHS is so poor so feels the only way to be seen is to use A&E.

Cant say I blame her, personally - people defend the NHS all the time but it really is quite a poor service. I nearly died of sepsis based on a crap experience with 111 so in future I'd bypass them completely with any concern with my children.

So you go private for every sniffle and grazed knee?