To be annoyed at friend for taking her kid to A&E so often

[sellotape12]

We live at the top of a road and at the end is our local hospital. I have a fairly new Mum friend from preschool. A big personality, (possibly her Spanish roots) and quite the drama queen. I feel myself getting very very mildly irritated because she literally takes her kid to A&E every single month.
In the past 2-3 months she and her husband have taken the kid to A&E for

• A fever. Hospital sent them home and said just use Calpol and get rest.
• A bad repetitive cough. She was sent home for bed rest
• A graze on her nose after she fell from a scooter. Could’ve been treated at home with basic first aid.
• “Pains in her leg”. A&E doctors said it was growing pains.
• fever from the injection site after having preschool jabs.

Each time we get the full story and I think she expects a flurry of attention. This isn’t a panic or anxious person who suffers from hypochondria. She treats the hospital as if it’s a walk-in GP clinic because of its proximity.

I’m pretty sure that in every single case she could’ve just googled it or used the helpful NHS website. I feel annoyed that she’s wasting the resources of actual urgent medical cases, but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable in having this eye roll! How would you feel?

Visiting A&E for these types of child illnesses or accidents is quite common in other European countries.

Surely one trip to the average UK A&E would put you off attending again for all but a serious reason. It takes up so much of your time to waste their time and in such an unpleasant environment too. Also multiple unnecessary visits with a child might flag SS as previous posters have pointed out.

My lived experience of Spanish healthcare probably plays into her expecting this to be normal/acceptable. I have received the best care there, not even comparable to the UK, and have family members living there 20+ years who say the same.

We have a friend who was suffering covid badly, and their local GP phoned twice DAILY to get their obs readings, to try and keep them out of hospital. Can you even imagine that here?

I didn't think there was any such thing as 'growing pains'?

@bumbaloo What? No, I mean if I have a real out of hours concern I'd go straight to A&E and bypass 111.

That said, I would not attend for anything that can easily be treated at home.

Spain has 4.6 practicing doctors per 1000 people vs. 2.8 in England. Surely it's easier to be seen by a doctor in a country that has 60% more of them.

It's like having excellent teachers but class sizes of 50 instead of 30.

I believe one of the issues with the NHS is that it simply doesn't have enough doctors. It tries to patch the gaps by using other healthcare providers like pharmacists or physician associates but it makes the system complex to navigate and likely inefficient.

Omg that's terrifying! And scary to think about what could have happened if you didn't trust your gut. Parents should be encouraged to trust their instincts, not shamed for wanting their child to be well. I'm glad your DS was OK and well done for pushing through in a&e and not being discouraged by that nurse

This would drive me insane. What selfish, entitled knobs, when people are literally dying because they have to wait so long for an ambulance, or to see a doctor once they get to A&E. I would definitely say something. If I fell out with them because I said something, then so be it. Just because they have great healthcare elsewhere in Europe doesn't mean they can assume everything's the same here. I'm surprised their GP hasn't talked to them about this behaviour yet. If you really can't bring yourself to tell them they're selfish, then I'd tell them that you've heard that Social Services are contacted by hospitals if they see the same child turning up too often. That might work.

I think it's fine to bother the doctors with every little ache and pain or grazed knee if they are paying for it.

When my 81 year old MIL has to wait 4 hours on the floor with a broken hip for an ambulance, bothering the doctors for a cough is plainly ridiculous. If they want a healthcare system which can cope with monthly A&E visits for a child who is not an emergency and has not had an accident, then they pay for it.

There are plenty of private GPs, services like PushDoctor which the worried well can choose to use if they pay for it. But they want it for free.

I live in a small town and the longest I have had to wait is a couple of hours. I have gone with a book before and was called before I had a chance to open it! They have busy times and slack times. Sunday morning is good. Going in the afternoon, just after school has finished, is definitely bad! I have no idea about Saturday night but imagine that would also be a problem. Have also never been when I major accident has occurred, as that would then skew everything.

Surely if it's a real accident or emergency you don't really have a choice about what time of day you go though?

Our minor injuries unit is in the A&E department. Though I think a grazed nose is way too minor to be seen there.

I am suprised the hospital haven't flagged this with children's social care yet if it that frequent. Repeated hospital attendance is a red flag for emotional abuse, for example. Not suggesting that's what's going on but my understanding was that it's procedure after a high number of unnecessary attendances a referral should be made to check what life looks like for the child.
I've known cases where they start presenting at different hospitals for exactly this reason - to evade triggering questions.

In an absolute emergency of course you don't. But some injuries can wait a while. Obviously if you break your ankle on Monday, it would be unwise to wait to the following Sunday.

Problem is no one wants to pay to invest in it so we have a poorly organised service that actually costs more to run and tries to avoid actually treating people or caring for them. It off loads on to less qualified staff such as physicians assistants and nurses so it can be done on the cheap. Nursing is then off loaded to healthcare assistants again and so it goes on. Cleaners and porters are outsourced so they don’t get the same rights and benefits if employed by nhs and everyone is surprised they are unhappy and do a cr@p job. Those healthcare systems in Europe and US aren’t free they pay way more money into them than UK does. The insurance based system pay out on tests so there’s an incentive to overtest and overtreat. We voted for our underresourced system when we voted for 14 years of Tories. The aim of free market capitalism is to dismantle the nhs so big US corporations can turn into an American insurance based system which is highly restricted.

My foreign mother in law was horrified I hadn’t had a caesarean when I was a week overdue. Also that I didn’t have (or want) an epidural. Different expectations. She’s always having an operation for this and that IMO!

My Italian friend was confused that she wasn’t allocated a named paediatrician for her perfectly well baby, but then she was impressed by our midwife system rather than the interventionist approach to child birth there and that she was allowed a home birth completely free of charge.

That sounds good. I just remembered going to an A&E in a small town I considered to be virtually a village, it was pretty much empty and I was seen immediately. This was about 25 years ago though.

I guess I'd better move before I get in desperate need of urgent emergency care!

That is true for genuine life threatening emergencies. Not so much for accidents that are bad and immobilising but not life threatening.

I broke my hip and was too scared to go to the hospital as I thought they'd try and make me sit on a horrible chair for 12 hours. So I laid on the floor not moving position for 24 hours until I relented and got in an ambulance.

So some people can and do postpone treatment, either because they don't know what's wrong or are scared.

When you're in that much pain the idea of the paramedics moving you with no pain relief bar gas and air is quite daunting. And that's before you even get to the a&e!

I am so confused why you get irritated about it?! Like you have to wait for hours in the A&E or something 😂 Let the lady do what’s best for her kid. I have 3 kids, I never took 2 of them to the A&E but let me tell you I had to take my middle one 6 times in a month because of various accidents! Every kid & parent is different!

They just want to be seen same day. Yep, this is the problem with ED these days. Hardly any are having any kind of emergency and should be at the GP or walk in centre. It's literally the name "emergency" department.

I’d be annoyed too but you just know if you said anything she would kick up a fuss. I’d actually expect the hospital to say something to her about this to be honest. I read somewhere that frequent trips to A&E get flagged to social services - not sure how true that is mind.

None of these things are an emergency so after being triaged she must be spending significant amount of time waiting. I'm sure she will tire of this eventually I'd explain how 111 works as well to try and cut her visits

Accidentally voted YABU meant to put YANBU

I think it depends on how long she'd be waiting for a GP appointment. Maybe it's quicker to go to hospital, maybe she worries but doesn't tell you and needs to get her child seen too asap. I'm very impressed at UK system for an ambulance for grazed leg, you nearly have to give an organ here in Ireland to get one, my unconscious DD who was having a tonic clonic seizure waited nearly an hour for one and that was fast.