To tell school teen is unwell instead..?

[HardHatWearer]

We’re taking our 2dc to Norway for a long weekend (Thur-Sun) next month. This means taking them both out of school for 2 days (Thu\Fri). Youngest is at primary and have already told them dc10 won’t be attending those two days and am expecting them to tell me it’s unauthorised. If we get a fine, so be it.

Pondering what to do about dc14 - haven’t yet told the school as they are incredibly strict and last time we needed to take time out for a funeral (grandparent!) they took a long time to approve it and asked 101 questions, which felt very OTT considering it was a close family death (and they weren’t asking for proof, just being extremely officious). So this time I am thinking we might just say dc is unwell and get on with our lives.

For context:

• dc14 is never off, never sick and has had barely no time off school since starting age 4 (not even a full week once). Just the odd day or two for a bad stomach bug and Covid once.
• the trip is not moveable - it’s paid for by my work and needs to be on these dates. Or we wouldn’t be doing it.
• we’re going to big city and will visit many cultural attractions.

Hard hat is on…👷🏻‍♀️👷🏻‍♀️👷🏻‍♀️

No need to write an essay op

Go for it 🤷‍♀️

I'd do it and have done it.

You’re not wrong 😅

2 days here would not trigger a fine. I would tell the truth, they can mark it as unauthorised. Especially if your dc are otherwise good for attendance and behaviour etc. I wouldn’t want to ask my kids to lie or be accidentally caught out if they talk about the trip, it makes them look bad when it’s not their fault.

They can’t stop you all that will happen if you are open with the truth is 4 sessions of unauthorised attendance which given his record won’t be an issue

This is my worry - although they are not the sort to go blabbing to everyone as are a quiet and reserved character..

That’s what I am wondering too - maybe I should just tell them - we’re doing this and DC won’t be in. Rather than asking for approval..

You shouldn't have to lie, but people have to lie because the system and the jobsworths who police it are so unreasonable. So I'd do so with a clear conscience, personally. Enjoy your trip.

Yes just say ill

I would (and have) just send a factual email explaining they will be off and you are aware this will be marked unauthorised.

So you're teaching your 14 year old that lying is fine if it gets you what you want?

Be truthful. Tell them what you're doing - Don't ask for permission. They'll authorise it, or they won't. But it doesn't matter. You'll not get a fine for just 2 days unauthorised

That is what I did when DS missed the last 2 days of term. It is about the fact he could tell people goodbye and talk about it rather than having to lie.

you are 6 sessions under having the potential for a fine within 10 weeks it really won’t be an issue

I personally would just say I was going on holiday and have the unauthorised mark and if they fine, they fine. I think it is hard for a teen to keep a secret.

They dont care its cultural, that work are paying or that your child is rarely sick.

I would ring on the day and say they will be back on x, taking two days unauthorised absence.

If you're happy with your child having an unauthorised absence then go for it. You can try and justify it however you like but you know you really shouldn't be doing it or you wouldn't be posting on here.

Lying is just doubling down, just tell the truth and own it.

Exactly this. Just tell school you are doing it. Don't lie.

Yes just be truthful and then you aren't putting your children under pressure to lie.

For the older one - if it's anything like my DC secondary, none of the staff get involved in any conversations between the pupils. So even if he announced "I had a brilliant time on Oslo" at full volume in his form class, I doubt the form teacher would get involved in any conversation about it not being illness.
Also, most 14 year olds already lie, will understand the situation and keep schtum.

For the 10 year old, I'd imagine they'd get caught out!

No need to lie, no need to justify it, just accept that it’s unauthorised absence.

I think I would just tell the school, maybe the day before so it doesn't drag out too much.

I'm being nosey - where are you going, Oslo? Have a fabulous time x

I would just tell them, it will be marked as unauthorised but it won’t trigger a fine.

It's a while ago now, but one child's small school was reasonable. The head on morning playground duty came ovet with a wry smile and said I hear you are going to X 😆. I said yes, I was going to let you know, but is it easier if we ring in sick and she said yes, so we did. DD didn't have to lie as everyone knew.

So not sure if sickness is easier for the school re paperwork and statistics?

I would go with the factual email approach. We’re going on holiday, DC won’t be in, these are the dates, am aware it won’t be authorised. Don’t overthink it. It’s not comparable to the family funeral because in that case you were presumably asking them to authorise it, which is more likely to raise questions.

Yabu to consider teaching any of your children that lying is an appropriate way to avoid inconvenient rules.

Go on holiday. Tell the schools the truth. Pay the fines, if there are any, regarding the cost as just part of the cost of the holiday.

Schools are not allowed to authorise absence for a holiday. There won't be the same kind of questions as there were for the funeral because it won't be a borderline case. It will be unauthorised. That doesn't mean you can't go.