To tell school teen is unwell instead..?

[HardHatWearer]

We’re taking our 2dc to Norway for a long weekend (Thur-Sun) next month. This means taking them both out of school for 2 days (Thu\Fri). Youngest is at primary and have already told them dc10 won’t be attending those two days and am expecting them to tell me it’s unauthorised. If we get a fine, so be it.

Pondering what to do about dc14 - haven’t yet told the school as they are incredibly strict and last time we needed to take time out for a funeral (grandparent!) they took a long time to approve it and asked 101 questions, which felt very OTT considering it was a close family death (and they weren’t asking for proof, just being extremely officious). So this time I am thinking we might just say dc is unwell and get on with our lives.

For context:

• dc14 is never off, never sick and has had barely no time off school since starting age 4 (not even a full week once). Just the odd day or two for a bad stomach bug and Covid once.
• the trip is not moveable - it’s paid for by my work and needs to be on these dates. Or we wouldn’t be doing it.
• we’re going to big city and will visit many cultural attractions.

Hard hat is on…👷🏻‍♀️👷🏻‍♀️👷🏻‍♀️

I predict that I know a teenager as well who will be poorly soon … just saying 🤷‍♀️😂 go for it. Stupid attendance laws. I’d have pulled a sicky for the 10 yr old too - not unreasonable that you’d all get the shits

Hi, I think I would tell them the truth and explain that you will make sure dc catches up on the lessons he misses.

No need to read it. 🤷

It wasn't that long anyway, and it has paragraphs and bullet points.

I wouldn't lie because I think it's unfair to make your teen keep it to himself. Just say 'James will not be in on x and y date, I'm aware this will be unauthorised'. No need to answer their bullshit follow up questions either.

I would have said they were both ill.

I don’t think that’s strictly true. 2 days won’t trigger an automatic fine… they can still
choose to fine for less than that if they believe you haven’t met the legal requirements to ensure regular attendance- in other words taking your kids out of school for any length of time can be deemed a breach of that legislation as you haven’t ensured they’ve attended

this very much depends on school and LA

i think…? If anyone knows the exact law then please feel free to correct me

It is 10 sessions within a rolling 10-week period and can be retrospectively changed as well!

You don’t have to ask approval to make parenting decisions for your child. The school will probably make the absence unauthorised, so you make your parenting decision with that in mind. They can’t actually stop you taking your child away.

I would not lie though, it is not a good example for your DC and gives the school this power over your decision making - you’re the parent here, you
dont have to sneak around.

Have a great trip

Yeah go for it. If you avoid paying a fine by claiming illness, go ahead. Don’t need to justify it anyone.

Don’t lie, because other parents do snitch! Yes, honestly. The school where I’m a governor get messages from parents telling them other families are on holiday because they see it on social media.

It’s a ridiculous system that parents can’t trust their own best judgement on their child attendance. I do understand why I just think it’s ridiculous. Yes in theory we should all do everything in the school holidays but it’s just not always possible.

I would just tell the school what you are doing and don’t answer any further questions. If your child has otherwise good attendance it shouldn’t be an issue

Do you see the irony that you are asking MN for approval / permission here?

The only question is whether you are comfortable asking your child to participate in a lie, and whether the child is willing to do so.

As a teacher, I have lost count of the number of times that a child has blithely told me the truth of where they were last Friday despite the MIS stating that they had a tummy bug. I can also cheerfully confirm that teenagers absolutely love grassing each other up when it comes to absences.

What a sad, miserable little life you must lead to into the school and tell on another parent.

Seriously, those people are pathetic. Do they think the head teacher is going to give them a gold star?

We just had a long weekend abroad (where my family live) to celebrate my dad‘s 80th.Told primary school DD2 wouldn’t be in by email, but reported DD1 as ill on both days via the online portal at her secondary school, simply because I didn’t want to get an arsey email from them essentially telling me off. I know they have to send these emails, but I’m not the kind of parent who needs to be lectured about the importance of education and attendance.

No idea, but it’s been mentioned that this happens. Tbf, the school usually know anyway. So personally, I don’t see the point.

I’d just call in sick, it’s what we did this year.

Two days can trigger a fine here but whether the school choose to or not is up to them.

Are there other implications? Children miss out on rewards at my DDs school for unauthorised absences which I understand but at the same time we as parents have made the decision to keep them out of school they haven’t decided to nick off like I did back in the day.

That’s so spiteful .. probably jealous.

do your school act on these “rumours”?

What I'm getting from your snippy little post is that your knickers are not quite tight enough and you should definitely put some effort into making things even more uncomfortable down there. Perhaps some barbed wire? Itching powder?

Totally see where you're coming from, but I'd just tell the truth and take the fine, to spare any trouble for your teenager.

I wouldn't lie - just tell them and let them mark it as unauthorised.

This! If I found out someone had done this (not just to me but to any parent) they would go down massively in my opinion and I would avoid them.

I would do it and consider it an important life lesson, when faced with petty officious nonsense; just do what you need to in order to minimize contact and their ability to influence your course.

I wouldn’t lie just as it’s pressure on your teen to have to go along with that and not discuss. Just email factually and tell them rather than ask and acknowledge it’s unauthorised

Yes, trying to lead an honest life, and teaching my children to do the same, is so uptight 🙄

But it's not petty. Parents were taking their DC out of school for a week or two, during term time. Causing disruption for them, the teacher, and the class. How else would you deal with it?