To tell school teen is unwell instead..?

[HardHatWearer]

We’re taking our 2dc to Norway for a long weekend (Thur-Sun) next month. This means taking them both out of school for 2 days (Thu\Fri). Youngest is at primary and have already told them dc10 won’t be attending those two days and am expecting them to tell me it’s unauthorised. If we get a fine, so be it.

Pondering what to do about dc14 - haven’t yet told the school as they are incredibly strict and last time we needed to take time out for a funeral (grandparent!) they took a long time to approve it and asked 101 questions, which felt very OTT considering it was a close family death (and they weren’t asking for proof, just being extremely officious). So this time I am thinking we might just say dc is unwell and get on with our lives.

For context:

• dc14 is never off, never sick and has had barely no time off school since starting age 4 (not even a full week once). Just the odd day or two for a bad stomach bug and Covid once.
• the trip is not moveable - it’s paid for by my work and needs to be on these dates. Or we wouldn’t be doing it.
• we’re going to big city and will visit many cultural attractions.

Hard hat is on…👷🏻‍♀️👷🏻‍♀️👷🏻‍♀️

Don't lie. Don't model lying to your children. Tell the truth and take the consequences, then you've got a clear conscience.
(In your position, when I was younger, I'd probably have said they were sick, but my attitude has changed as I've got older. Also, lies tend to come back at you. Someone will snitch! So if you tell the truth in the first place you don't have that worry, and you don't look untrustworthy.)

Best to tell the truth. What if (heaven forbid) something went wrong on the trip and you were delayed coming home. Also, your DC won't be able to talk about his fab time in Norway with school pals when they get back - or they might accidentally let it slip.

There is no point asking for approval: they have no discretion to approve days off for holiday. So just tell them.

Does 2 days really trigger a fine?

Anyway, you can’t involve your 14 year old in lying, hiding the trip from friends etc.

Just do it.

From now on in the exam years you will need to prioritise your DC’s attendance, so just take the 2 days now.

People saying they won’t trigger the fine are wrong. The LA can fine for one day if they want. I was honest as we were missing the first 3 days of term and they fined me. When i challenged the LA I was told I “hadn’t learned from previous offences” and therefore wasn’t going to use their discretion. I had taken them the year before, missing 5 days at the start of term. So repeat offenders, be warned about being honest. Had I lied and said they were poorly, I wouldn’t have been fined as 3 days absence wouldn’t have triggered a welfare visit (ironically).

Yabu.
Do not lie or make your teens lie. Tell the school you are going away.

My DC just said they felt better, thanks for asking 😂

I'd just ring/email the school in the morning and say your Dc wont be in until whenever as you're going away as a family. They won't authorise it anyway so no need to go to the trouble of asking them to and filling out forms etc.

That's what they told you they said.

There's a 90% chance they let something slip, whether it was an amusing anecdote about the swimming pool that they thought they'd successfully covered or a chat with a friend at a louder volume than they realised.

The teachers are usually not bothered enough to make it an issue, but they almost always know.

"Mum says she's not here right now!"

I think you need to be honest with the school. I agree that it is ridiculous that 2 days off for a student with otherwise excellent attendance should potentially trigger a fine.
But I really feel strongly about parents lying about children being sick when they aren't. It makes life so much more difficult for children who have genuine frequent illnesses, chronic conditions or disabilities and are often absent as a result. As people are known to lie about illness these children are often regarded with unwarranted suspicion.

No need to lie (and that isn't sending the right message to your DC) - just send an email saying that Dc won't be in on those day, and I would probably say why.

I don't think you get a fine for a two day absense anyway, do you?

I took DD3 out of school for DD1's gradutation - emailed the school and got a reply back from the headteacher saying have a great time!

Do it! Go and make some memories with your kids. 2 days is nothing!

Fair point!

I wouldn’t lie. Just feels wrong. I would just ring and leave a message and say x will not be in today. Balls in their court then they likely won’t bother for 2 days.

Yes, I would. It's a stupid system that schools cannot use their own discretion on authorised absence as they used to, so please do subvert it.

Why do you need to lie and teach your DC it’s OK to lie?

Write a letter to the school explaining the absence truthfully. They will mark the days as unauthorised absence, but so what? I doubt if you’d get a fine, given your DC's normal record, but if you do just pay it and look on it as a holiday expense.

And don’t make excuses that it’s a "big city with cultural attractions". You're implying that it’s ok for your child to miss school for that, but not for a child from a less well-off family to miss school for a break on a British caravan site even if that’s the only holiday their parents can afford.

That’s what I did when I messed up the half term dates.-and we were going away for a significant birthday with all our extended family. That was 2 days as well

Go ahead and take them OP. Tell them DC is unwell and go enjoy your holiday with your children whilst they are still young. You'll never get this time back. Norway looks beautiful !

I wouldn't bother lying about it, its only 2 days so just inform that your child won't be in on those days rather than ask for approval. Just make sure your child catches up on work that they're missing, they can ask their friends what they've missed.

Exactly. No need to lie or encourage your child to lie.

"Using their own discretion" was a nightmare for schools. It was impossible to be fully consistent and there were always parents complaining "It’s not fair! You let so-and-so have time off! It’s favouritism!"

The same rules for everyone is much fairer.

If you tell the truth you will be fined and you will pay knowing that there are others who don't tell the truth and get away with it. I once had a boy in my class tell me all about the safari he was going on the week before Easter. When I came to do the register in those lessons - the register was pre-filled and he was down as 'ill'. Take them on the trip but make it clear to your children that it is their responsibility to catch up on any missed work.

My secondary school dc will miss one day soon as I mucked up and thought both dc primary and older.sc secondary school have inset the same day. I booked a holiday which has us travelling a friday which for primary dc is an inset. After I booked I realised they had different inset days.
I'll tell the truth. They hardly ever have time.off and to be honest 1 day isn't going to be an issue with their education

So why do you think lying is necessary?

Admittedly I am Gen X, but I would not have a problem giving my kids a couple of days off school occasionally. I also didn't have a problem taking the odd sickie off work myself. I worked hard at a very stressful job, my kids were good kids who worked hard at school, did homework and were hardly ever ill.

I also thought then, and still think, that schools take too much on themselves and should butt the fuck out dictating what goes in lunch boxes, over strict uniform policies, and not letting kids have a couple of days off now and again. Oh, and both my children are fully independent, tax paying adults in steady jobs, so my lackadaisical attitude hasn't spoiled their life chances in any way.