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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell school teen is unwell instead..?

129 replies

HardHatWearer · 23/09/2025 09:28

We’re taking our 2dc to Norway for a long weekend (Thur-Sun) next month. This means taking them both out of school for 2 days (Thu\Fri). Youngest is at primary and have already told them dc10 won’t be attending those two days and am expecting them to tell me it’s unauthorised. If we get a fine, so be it.

Pondering what to do about dc14 - haven’t yet told the school as they are incredibly strict and last time we needed to take time out for a funeral (grandparent!) they took a long time to approve it and asked 101 questions, which felt very OTT considering it was a close family death (and they weren’t asking for proof, just being extremely officious). So this time I am thinking we might just say dc is unwell and get on with our lives.

For context:

  • dc14 is never off, never sick and has had barely no time off school since starting age 4 (not even a full week once). Just the odd day or two for a bad stomach bug and Covid once.
  • the trip is not moveable - it’s paid for by my work and needs to be on these dates. Or we wouldn’t be doing it.
  • we’re going to big city and will visit many cultural attractions.

Hard hat is on…👷🏻‍♀️👷🏻‍♀️👷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 23/09/2025 10:36

PaddingtonBlah · 23/09/2025 09:34

I would (and have) just send a factual email explaining they will be off and you are aware this will be marked unauthorised.

This

NotABiscuitInSight · 23/09/2025 10:38

Tell the school but bear in mind you aren't obliged to do any of their paperwork - they can ask you but they can't make you.

Perhaps a verbal hypothetical word with the office about the procedure for taking your child hold during term time to get a sense of the burden?

They won't approve it anyway. They rely on students with good attendance to balance out those with poor attendance for their stats and reputation.

InMyShowgirlEra · 23/09/2025 10:39

I believe they can only issue a fine for 5 consecutive days. They can't approve holidays in school time even if they want to but I would tell them.

Pleaseadviiise · 23/09/2025 10:39

you need to be honest. The holiday forms in my area ask to list other siblings and their schools so id imagine in the case of a fine the local authority would cross reference with the other schools attendance records

Midnightlove · 23/09/2025 10:40

Just tell them you're going away

We're away for 2 weeks next week and I literally just filled out the dates on the form and put holiday as reason. They don't need to read a load of babble about anything else as they can't authorise it anyway. You won't get a fine for 2 days anyway.

Relax a bit and enjoy you're break away

CopperWhite · 23/09/2025 10:40

Go on the trip but tell the truth. An unauthorised absence doesn’t matter as a one off.

it’s just rude and disrespectful to lie, and even worse to teach your teenager that you support them in lying to their teachers. Why should they go out of their way to support your child when you think so little of them?

Franpie · 23/09/2025 10:41

The funeral was different as you were seeking for it to be authorised and they are able to authorise funerals.

You know that this one will be marked down as unauthorised so just email them to say he won’t be in and leave it at that.

You won’t get fined for 2 days unauthorised absence.

IWasScaredToBeHeld · 23/09/2025 10:42

Send an email.

“Hello,

We are going away from X date to Z date. DC will be off for XXXX. I am aware this will be unauthorised. I will ensure DC catches up on any homework and class work due”.

When did schools become gatekeepers of what you could do with your children?!

Crazyworldmum · 23/09/2025 10:46

Yep go for it . Have fun

Kisbsikf · 23/09/2025 10:48

I'm taking my daughter to for a city break, she will miss school thur/fri this week.

She's sick cough

Kisbsikf · 23/09/2025 10:49

InMyShowgirlEra · 23/09/2025 10:39

I believe they can only issue a fine for 5 consecutive days. They can't approve holidays in school time even if they want to but I would tell them.

Yes they can.

My daughter got approved last year for 10 days off for a wedding abroad.

noidea69 · 23/09/2025 10:52

Just tell them and be honest.

But dont go for the "it will be a culturally enriching experience for them so just as good as going school" line, makes you sound a bit of a twat to the school

MrsMitford3 · 23/09/2025 10:53

I would not ever ask or expect my DC to lie.
In my opinion that is setting a worse example than missing school.

If you want to do it then own it and tell the truth.

AutumnLover1989 · 23/09/2025 10:54

Seamoss · 23/09/2025 09:36

Be truthful. Tell them what you're doing - Don't ask for permission. They'll authorise it, or they won't. But it doesn't matter. You'll not get a fine for just 2 days unauthorised

Wrong. We were fined £120 for letting the school know my daughter would be off for one day. 100 percent attendance too 😬🙄😡

PullingOutHair123 · 23/09/2025 10:56

I wouldn't lie. Just send a short factual email. Ignore what comes back.

I took both kids out for two days for a family event in a different country. Sent the same email (changing the names only) to both schools. One said it was authorised, and one school said it couldn't possibly be authorised. Both part of the same academy. Both adamant in their interpretations of the same rules.

It's all batshit.

If you're taking them out of school once in a blue moon, you're fine.

AliceMcK · 23/09/2025 10:57

InMyShowgirlEra · 23/09/2025 10:39

I believe they can only issue a fine for 5 consecutive days. They can't approve holidays in school time even if they want to but I would tell them.

No, the rules changed last year fines can be issued after 10 absences (5 days) over a 10 week period and head teachers can choose to authorise absences, they just don’t tend to as a rule as then they get into problems when one families is authorised and another isn’t.

We got a partly authorised absence for an over seas funeral, we extended the trip to spend time with family but they only authorised 3 days out of 5.

ButterPiesAreGreat · 23/09/2025 10:58

IWasScaredToBeHeld · 23/09/2025 10:42

Send an email.

“Hello,

We are going away from X date to Z date. DC will be off for XXXX. I am aware this will be unauthorised. I will ensure DC catches up on any homework and class work due”.

When did schools become gatekeepers of what you could do with your children?!

Unfortunately they have responsibilities in terms of promoting and ensuring high levels of attendance. There are DfE guidelines they are expected to follow. Attendance and the schools management of absences is a key feature of inspections.

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/09/2025 11:05

Bluevelvetsofa · 23/09/2025 09:41

No need to lie, no need to justify it, just accept that it’s unauthorised absence.

This. I can’t believe how batshit some schools are. I’d tell the truth and pay any fine that is issued. While rolling my eyes I admit..

user2848502016 · 23/09/2025 11:06

They won’t authorise it anyway, may as well just tell the truth - 2 days won’t trigger a fine

Megifer · 23/09/2025 11:06

Yea id go with unwell. Ive done it and just told DC it's a one off while they're young, dont grass me up by blabbing about where they went, and make them catch up on work missed.

Bumblebee72 · 23/09/2025 11:07

IWasScaredToBeHeld · 23/09/2025 10:42

Send an email.

“Hello,

We are going away from X date to Z date. DC will be off for XXXX. I am aware this will be unauthorised. I will ensure DC catches up on any homework and class work due”.

When did schools become gatekeepers of what you could do with your children?!

They had to become gatekeepers when too many parents took the piss and prioritised getting pissed in the sun on the cheap over education.

ramonaquimby · 23/09/2025 11:09

You don't have to wait for approval (or not) I wouldn't lie, just be honest

Mymanyellow · 23/09/2025 11:10

My children are all grown now so ignore me if I’m talking shit. Just go 🤷‍♀️ What can they do. It sounds like you are willing to pay the fine.
What were they going to do about a grandparent's funeral. Come and drag her away.
While I’m on the subject mind their own business about packed lunches and who is invited to parties.

InMyShowgirlEra · 23/09/2025 11:13

Megifer · 23/09/2025 11:06

Yea id go with unwell. Ive done it and just told DC it's a one off while they're young, dont grass me up by blabbing about where they went, and make them catch up on work missed.

They ALWAYS grass you up. Even when they're trying their best. I had a little boy come in on Tuesday after being "sick" Friday and Monday.

Me: Hi Charlie, are you feeling better? It's not like you to be sick.
Charlie: I'm never sick.
Me: Oh right. Where were you Friday and yesterday then?
Charlie: I can't tell you.
Me: Oh. What would happen if you told me?
Charlie: Well, it would be the last time we went to Cornwall for sure!

😂

Booksaresick · 23/09/2025 11:14

I would do it and have done it a few times.