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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Can I take you out for a meal"?

318 replies

RachelTopliss · 22/09/2025 20:16

Would you find this odd? It sounds like it's come from the 70s. What's a meal anyway? It sounds creepy. Lunch or dinner maybe yes but a meal?

I said I was busy.

OP posts:
TBC99 · 23/09/2025 08:14

Plastictreees · 22/09/2025 21:10

I think you’ve got some harsh responses, I know what you mean OP. The word ‘meal’ gives me the ick for some reason. I would always say ‘going out for lunch / dinner’. I also hate the term ‘a bite to eat’.

Agree.
'A spot of lunch' also makes me squirm 🤣

Original poster
RachelTopliss · 23/09/2025 08:14

dollyblue01 · 22/09/2025 21:40

How old is he who’s asking ?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 23/09/2025 08:17

not odd at all by me, but of course you are welcome to do you.

Plastictreees · 23/09/2025 08:18

TBC99 · 23/09/2025 08:14

Agree.
'A spot of lunch' also makes me squirm 🤣

Show quote history

Just why 😱😱🤣🤣

Original poster
RachelTopliss · 23/09/2025 08:19

stillhiding1990 · 23/09/2025 04:57

you find it weird op posted the same question on Reddit? Many people here have accounts with other social media platforms so not that weird for her to post on another forum?

Show quote history

I don't have a Reddit account and have never been on Reddit.

OP posts:
stillhiding1990 · 23/09/2025 08:20

RachelTopliss · 23/09/2025 08:19

I don't have a Reddit account and have never been on Reddit.

Show quote history

I didn’t say you had, someone else said it was weird this exact post was on Reddit and you quoted my response

Alittlefrustrated · 23/09/2025 08:24

Arlanymor · 22/09/2025 20:22

You stood someone up because you didn't like the phrase 'picky bits'? Yes I agree, that is very cringe. And rude.

Show quote history

Agree - especially when you knew he was shopping especially. Though a would have politely declined - expecting expectations!

Itsastart · 23/09/2025 08:28

It’s probably slightly dated. Similar to using “a spread” in place of buffet. Probably a generational or regional thing, and I definitely wouldn’t take it as a sign of incompatibility

123dontcomeatme · 23/09/2025 08:34

See, I would read that he was probably quite dated all over, with dated behaviours and dates thought patterns. Its the ' can I take you' which is a bit uncomfortable too as it's now more of a joint decision and experience. Until you are further into a relationship.

All this frothing because a woman dare not like something a man has said to her, how very dare she!

But, when, 5 years down the line, shes miserable, stuck with kids who he refuses to help with and wont lift a finger around the house , she will also get the blame for not seeing potential red flags of his dated behaviour.

graceinspace999 · 23/09/2025 08:34

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 22/09/2025 20:19

Yeah, utterly bizarre phrase. Block and end all contact. Maybe write to your local MP too, needs to be raised in Parliament.

Yes - post on X.
Then cancel and dox immediately. I’m sure this is code for an ism or an ic.

MargaritaMargaret · 23/09/2025 08:35

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 22/09/2025 20:19

Yeah, utterly bizarre phrase. Block and end all contact. Maybe write to your local MP too, needs to be raised in Parliament.

🤣🤣🤣

Middlechild3 · 23/09/2025 08:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

exagerated to say he was yelling but yes it was still just a man saying hello from his property as she passed by.

Mercurial123 · 23/09/2025 08:38

123dontcomeatme · 23/09/2025 08:34

See, I would read that he was probably quite dated all over, with dated behaviours and dates thought patterns. Its the ' can I take you' which is a bit uncomfortable too as it's now more of a joint decision and experience. Until you are further into a relationship.

All this frothing because a woman dare not like something a man has said to her, how very dare she!

But, when, 5 years down the line, shes miserable, stuck with kids who he refuses to help with and wont lift a finger around the house , she will also get the blame for not seeing potential red flags of his dated behaviour.

This is just so dramatic... it's brilliant. I'm hoping this is irony but hard to tell on MN.

Middlechild3 · 23/09/2025 08:41

TwinklyWrinkly · 23/09/2025 07:41

I'd absolutely hate to be a man in this day and age. He was trying to be gentlemanly and let you control the intensity. If he had asked you to dinner you'd have been complaining he was obviously trying to get you into bed. What a sleaze. If he asked you to lunch, he obviously isn't that interested. Waste of space. If he asked you for coffee, he's obviously a cheapskate. What a tightwad.
What exactly would have been acceptable wording for you?

yep, it was clever phrasing on his part. Left it open to you to decide if it would be brunch/lunch/dinner.

OneCleverPinkFawn · 23/09/2025 08:43

Idk, sounds normal to me, if a bit old-fashioned but nothing creepy imo.

Citrusbergamia · 23/09/2025 08:45

Bloozie · 23/09/2025 07:37

Sometimes I feel sorry for the men. Only sometimes.

This is one of those times.

came here to say the same.

upseedaisee · 23/09/2025 08:47

RachelTopliss · 22/09/2025 20:16

Would you find this odd? It sounds like it's come from the 70s. What's a meal anyway? It sounds creepy. Lunch or dinner maybe yes but a meal?

I said I was busy.

I'd say he dodged a bullet there.

PeopleWatching17 · 23/09/2025 08:50

TheChosenTwo · 22/09/2025 20:22

I think it’s a nice way of opening up the idea to a more casual brunch/lunch or a more formal/intimate dinner.
Sort of ‘ball’s in your court as to what you want to do’.
But yeah just sack him off 😂

I read that wrong. At least have the meal first 🙂

Crunchienuts · 23/09/2025 09:08

Personally, it would bother me. The “can I take you out” bit is clearly establishing that he is paying. Always lots of threads on here about tight men asking women out and then not paying. The meal bit is leaving it up to you if you prefer lunch or dinner. I think he sounds quite considerate actually.

Anonymous23456 · 23/09/2025 09:12

I think they were extremely polite. They gave you the opportunity to suggest if you'd prefer brunch, lunch or dinner. If you don't like them they you don't need to pick them or their apart interactions apart.

anotherside · 23/09/2025 09:30

If you didn’t want to go fair enough, but the focus on the phrase he used is a bit OTT. I’d probably have been so flattered/surprised someone was interested in me (regardless of whether I would agree to the date) that the phrase/words they actually used wouldn’t have even registered until much later. 😅

OneCleverEagle · 23/09/2025 09:33

TheAquaCrab · 22/09/2025 20:20

I agree OP. Although I can’t explain why - a bloke once asked me out and said he’d get some ‘nice picky bits in’. I never turned up! Argh, what a cringe

That I can agree with but it's totally different to the OP's issue.

CausalInference · 23/09/2025 09:39

Probably explains why you are single at 36 🤣, christ.

anotherside · 23/09/2025 09:39

Mercurial123 · 23/09/2025 08:38

This is just so dramatic... it's brilliant. I'm hoping this is irony but hard to tell on MN.

Show quote history

He could have used “Let’s do st.” or “Shall we …?” ….. which would then been extremely presumptuous and pushy. 😂

Probably should have gone for “How about you take me out somewhere nice? We can split the bill if money’s a bit tight for you at the moment”.

Well1mBack · 23/09/2025 09:49

123dontcomeatme · 22/09/2025 21:23

Its dated.
If you run it through chat gbt it reviews it as dated language. Awkward and stiff.

Thats why it feels off, because it's out of step with the here and now where conversation tends to be more fluid and relaxed.

Its not you op.

I give up on humanity now. I really, really do.

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