Random drunk stuck his head through my open living room window and scared me senseless

[Bobiverse]

I know I’m not being unreasonable but just need to say this somewhere as I’m a bit speechless. I live on a road either just a few houses and a golf club. No pavement on the road and it’s a bendy country road so very rare we get people walking it, but it is just a few hundred meters before you get to the pavement and streets heading into the little town.

I’m up late working and there’s obviously some event on at the golf club that must have ended around 1am as I heard drunk people walking up to the town, happens every so often after an event at the club. It’s warm here so I’ve got the living room window open, and I was writing so looking down when I heard laughing outside and a noise, which was my window being pulled further open. I looked up as a man put his head through the window whilst making stupid laddy drunk noises and a gurning face. I did actually scream and jumped up. It all happened in seconds and I actually went towards the window, where there is a table by the window and it had some kid’s toys on it so I grabbed one of the plastic chuck and swung for the guy as he ducked his head back outside. I saw a him run back to a few other lads and they then ran off up the road.

It was obviously a “prank” by some drunk idiots but it’s really shaken me. I think I’ll be popping down to the golf club in the morning to have a word and see if I can find out whose party it was but it’s not like anything will come of it even if I can track down whoever had the invite list.

I’m just shaken and quite angry about it, not really sure what else to say.

Somebody did something similar to me once a long time ago. I was living in a row of country cottages where the access to the back of the houses was one pathway, with the gardens on the other side of the shared path. One evening, I was in the kitchen when a man tried the door and made “aaaggghhhh” noises with his face pressed up against the diamond shape of glass in the wood. I screamed like a banshee and flung my arms against the door to make a loud bang and put my face to the glass. He scarpered. I was left feeling very wound up. What he didn’t know was that I was very on edge because I’d been having horrible, sexually explicit anonymous phone calls in which the man said he’d been watching me in my garden. The next day, a neighbour said “you really frightened my friend!” I was confused at first and then realised, she said he’d got the wrong house and was just being silly. I responded that, actually, he’d scared me! On reflection it is a funny story but was not at the time at all! My sympathy @Bobiverse I know that fight or flight really does mean fight sometimes!

That’s not remotely funny and wouid scare the crap out of me .
I might react by screaming and hitting this idiot with whatever I had to hand .
My dog would be losing his mind as well .
Definitely tell the golf club management team as any behaviour like this if repeated could lose them their late license

Next time you swing dont miss! His head was trespassing into your home!

What contradictory dripfeed?

He stuck his head through my window. You seemed to think that was totally fine, so I explained exactly how he did it. But most people wouldn’t need a full description when it’s already something quite bad. And it was 1am; I didn’t really need to type the entire description of the encounter. Most people got it just fine.

Well, the restaurant/bar manager from the club came round along with the club president to apologise again and check all was ok with the window and with us. The staff member has been spoken to, is very shame faced and his mum is furious with him as well! He won’t be passing his probation, but I’m actually feeling really shitty about that.
They had a word with one of the playing members who is in the police, and that’s how the mum found out as they went round and had an informal chat. He is under no illusions that what he did could be taken further and could have been bad for him etc. Not sure that would happen in a city but it’s a small town!

So, he’s lost his job and had a fright from local police. He’s only 19, has learned a lesson but I’m the one feel crappy about it.

I get this and would feel the same but I think you need to let the voice saying HIS actions = HIS consequences be the louder voice. You didn't cause this, he did

Of course you feel rotten about it, you’re a decent person. I think the way to think about this though is that he did something really out of order and really dodgy. As the police officer said this could have been taken further.
You don’t know what this intervention might have prevented. Maybe nothing, but maybe something.
It doesn’t feel like it, but you’ve done him - and possibly someone else - a favour. This is a lesson he needed to learn and he’s learned it in a way that hasn’t screwed up his life.
x

It's invasive, I can completely understand your unease / anger - I would feel the same. I also detest that sense of entitlement that idiots like that seem to share.
I really hope this is a one-off, and that you can soon relax again in your own home 💐

@Bobiverse ”He’s only 19, has learned a lesson but I’m the one feel crappy about it.”

Dont feel crappy about it. He’s learned a very valuable lesson and you might have saved him from far worse consequences further down the line.

What if he pulled that kind of stunt to someone with a heart condition and killed them?

What if he pulled that kind of stunt on a violent man who then beat the crap out of him?

This way all that has happened is him not passing his probation (and rightly so). Totally proportionate.

This. It’s actually a really good outcome for him long term: no lasting consequences but a big lesson. Hope you are feeling ok about being at home.

And the other staff got a telling off for being involved, and a lecture on the club being part of the community and not to screw that up with idiot behaviour. But it was the new kid who was the instigator/ring leader so nothing further happening with the other staff.

If you hadn't complained he could have carried on. You would not have felt safe. Don't feel bad, he needed to learn this lesson.

I’d have pooed my pants. I’ve just told my 16 year old daughter and she was angry for you!

Honestly OP, with two sons around that age, whilst I would be absolutely apoplectic with them, as would their father, I actually would be glad that he was getting a really timely reality check, as have his colleagues, that a stupid mistake can cost you.

Stupidity has derailed many a young life and his drinking, showing off and drunken hubris has cost him.

I think he is very very lucky you aren't going futher with this.

The golf club taking it further is proof of how poorly it reflects on them, and how after hours drinking could leave them wide open to a formal complaint from you.

This has been a cheap lesson for him and them.

Fuck there are some truly twatty replies on this thread 😳

OP that sounds very very frightening. I’m not surprised it’s shook you up. If any man I knew did this I would absolutely call him out on why he thinks it’s entertaining to deliberately frighten someone one this and invade their literal private space. It’s such a shame there hasn’t been a brick shit house of a guy sat inside that open winnow …

Good point, what if it had been a teen on their own.
Such a fright!

What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Good. Don’t feel crappy. The young dickhead male needed consequences for his appalling actions and hopefully will have learned from this. (Sadly probably from what happened to HIM rather than the realisation of what he put you through). You may well have prevented him from going on to do worse to someone else. I’m glad you took action, and that this has had a positive result. You should feel proud. Males need held accountable for their shitty actions rather than them being laughed away with the ‘boys will be boys’ enabling nonsense.

I agree you shouldn’t just be expected to move on from it. This sounds very frightening. We have one window right next to a busy public area and have had the odd bit of antisocial behaviour from kids, but never adults. I would be scared by a man doing that.

Yes, the man might’ve come from elsewhere but it’s extremely unlikely and anyone you report it to - golf club, police - will know that, on the balance of probability, this man has been at the golf club event. As I’m sure you know, when you report something, you don’t need absolute proof. Police and the council etc are interested in patterns. Evidence comes in many forms including (and significantly) what people report.

Maybe nothing will be done this time but if you report it and antisocial behaviour happens again you’ve got evidence of a pattern starting to form. Don’t report it and the next time will be the ‘first’ time it’s happened in terms of record.

To give you an example, we have a small open-air venue near our house which is accessible to the public at all times, including the night. A few years ago we had an issue with someone going in at night and playing very loud music. The first time, we did nothing as we hoped it might be a one-off (I hate nuisance noise but generally try to persuade myself to be ‘reasonable’ about one-offs!). The second and third time, we reported it and nobody came out. Fourth time, we reported it again and I said that I was going over myself to deal with it because we were sick of it not being dealt with. Two officers were then sent very quickly, dealt with the man quickly (I was there as I’d still gone over anyway, and it was just one guy with massive speakers; he actually seemed alright, just a bit clueless) and it never happened again. Your situation is more serious and frightening though so I would suggest reporting this.

@Bobiverse Sorry just read your updates - good outcome!

I hope you’re you’re okay. Next time he might poke his head through a window where a big burly bloke is sitting on the couch.
I must admit I’m laughing because I read your thread title as Random Duck 🤣instead of random drunk.

There are a lot of men out there who enjoy frightening women or people who are vulnerable for whatever reason. Plenty of MN threads about men who follow women for no reason other than scaring them. Hopefully this experience will stop him from developing into one of those men.

oh sod off with your victim blaming - she SHOULD be able to have a window open ANY bloody time she likes!!! It’s HER house.

and ps not all on Mumsnet are in the UK!

Can’t believe some of these shitty posts.
OP you are 100% right with how you felt. I would have been terrified.

I’m so glad he has hopefully learnt his lesson. You should definitely not feel bad for the shit losing his job. If I was his mother he would have been round today apologising.

Police and contact golf club. Utterly unacceptable behaviour. I’m really sorry you had to experience that, especially in your own home.
What absolute morons.