To feel humiliated meeting DP’s best friend for the first time?

[Masiemaise]

I have been with DP for nearly a year but only
met his best friend (and his wife) for the first time last night, as they live a few hours away and had a baby around the time I met DP so haven’t been free to meet up.

We went to a restaurant followed by a couple of bars in the city they are from, so were all a bit tipsy. DP’s friends wife works in the NHS and was talking about some of the strangest things she has seen.

She mentioned people turning up at A&E with items lodged in their bum. DP’s friend commented along the lines of he doesn’t know what would posses anyone to do that sort of thing.

DP then turned to me and said ‘you should see what she’s like when she gets home from bottomless brunch with her friends’ and burst out laughing.

I pulled him up on it last night and again today but he doesn’t see the issue. He has given a half apology but said he was joking and didn’t mean anything by it, and his friend/wife will know it was a joke.

Am I being a bit OTT with my reaction? It felt so unnecessary

It does!

YANBU ! This is red flag behaviour. DP is putting you down in front of his friends, to enhance his status with them by making an off colour remark. That's humiliating and disrespectful. You are hardly in a position to speak up and given its the first time of meeting them it's extremely crass and thoughtless of DP. I would consider that red flag behaviour and find it hard to understand other mumsnetters who think it's okay.

Sympathy OP and what's the point in PPs saying, "oh I would have zapped back with something frightfully hilarious and clever". Not everyone can think stuff up on the spot, especially when taken aback at being made the butt of a crude joke in front of people they'd just met.

I don't agree with the PP who said "he sounds really witty". Zero thought and effort in his joke just "lol Maise gets drunk and <implied> does stuff like that lol lol lol bantz".

"Poss he was trying to make sure you were included in the conversation."
Eh? If he was trying to include the OP there are better ways of doing it. Surely you make yourself the butt of the joke unless you're sure that everyone is 100% comfortable? I dunno, something like:
"Oh stop Katie- brings back painful memories of the time poor Maise had to explain to my aunt Sally what happened to the hideous fondue set she regifted us last Christmas and why I wasn't at the Boxing day turkey curry buffet. The Christmas decorations were down before I was able to sit down" or "Bit of a sore spot in our house Katie, I've got a lifetime ban from Pets at Home so Maise has to go and buy the fish food now, it's not even on her way home from work"

Either he’s using hyperbole to suggest that after bottomless brunches you like to shove random things up your bum, which although crass, is obviously a joke.

Or he’s trying to insinuate to his friends that when you’ve had a few drinks you’re up for anal. Which is totally out of order really.

If he’s that indiscreet then you’ll always struggle to trust him with boundaries.

Of course it does. Read it again.

OP, you're either over reacting, or at best you have a very different sense of humour to DP and his best friend.

He’s tried to make a joke at your expense. Given your update he’s also shared something quite personal with people you don’t know very well.

Id also be fucked off with him

I hate this sort of thing, making you the punchline rather than making a joke about himself (which he could just have easily done). Especially as you haven't met this couple before! It places you outside the trio all laughing at you basically. Not nice.
Does he have form for this sort of "bantz" OP?

Well make sure next time you explore the area and end up in hospital that she’s not on duty.

Just a tipsy comment, I don’t think it is that bad. I probably wouldn’t say it the first time you meeting them though!

Exactly....... some people don't know how to banter and be lighthearted.

Jokes are supposed to be funny. He's a crass, unfunny idiot.

I can't really see the problem.

It was something silly said in jest and the other couple would have known that.

You should've responded and said 'I guess seeing as it was a bottomless brunch I felt I was missing something'.

You can't see a problem with this idiotic man making a stupid, not in the least bit funny "joke" at his partner's expense in front of old friends of his who he's meeting for the first time?

Well that took an unexpected turn!

I'd be the same OP. Why not make the joke at his own expense rather than yours? I'd have quite a sharp remark up my sleeve at the ready for if he tried it again.

Sounds like your sense of humour is wedged up there.

100% this. I'd be mortified. You can feel awkward or try to be funny without making a joke like this.

YANBU

Agree.
He's crass, not funny.
Easy pop at his girlfriend.
Decent, respectful men don't feel the need to do that.
Twats do.
OP, lean into your discomfort at his behaviour.
Listen to your gut, it's trying to protect and warn you.
Don't suppress your natural standards an boundaries.
It's a theme on MN and why so many end up with coarse, uncouth, low class twats.

I don’t think you need to feel humiliated, I’m sure this couple took it as the joke your DP intended it to be and I doubt they even remember it now.

But I don’t think you’re unreasonable - it’s not funny, it’s rude and disrespectful (and quite frankly I honestly don’t know what sticking items up your bum has to do with bottomless brunches - I don’t get the joke!!). I’d be very cross with my DH if he said this about me to people I hadn’t met before, I might tolerate it if it was friends I knew well. The fact he won’t acknowledge it’s upset you is a bit of a red flag though - really he should just apologise and say he’ll do better next time.

No.

😅😅

Really? Maybe it is a generational thing but I would be furious. It is utterly disrespectful.

Ok ; says a lot about you