To feel humiliated meeting DP’s best friend for the first time?

[Masiemaise]

I have been with DP for nearly a year but only
met his best friend (and his wife) for the first time last night, as they live a few hours away and had a baby around the time I met DP so haven’t been free to meet up.

We went to a restaurant followed by a couple of bars in the city they are from, so were all a bit tipsy. DP’s friends wife works in the NHS and was talking about some of the strangest things she has seen.

She mentioned people turning up at A&E with items lodged in their bum. DP’s friend commented along the lines of he doesn’t know what would posses anyone to do that sort of thing.

DP then turned to me and said ‘you should see what she’s like when she gets home from bottomless brunch with her friends’ and burst out laughing.

I pulled him up on it last night and again today but he doesn’t see the issue. He has given a half apology but said he was joking and didn’t mean anything by it, and his friend/wife will know it was a joke.

Am I being a bit OTT with my reaction? It felt so unnecessary

Jokes aside,

I'd definitely be watching for if he regularly was making me the butt of their joke

It's not good if he sacrifices you for the sake of a laugh...

It was a joke! Blimey - are we not allowed to be silly anymore?

I would have turned to him and said 'Another comment like that and you'll be in A&E with a marrow/garden hoe/vacuum cleaner stuck up yours!

🤣

it was a joke, OP.

I see your point of view OP. Making jokes like that (and it's not a very funny joke) requires permission if it's to be friendly. You don't feel he's earned that permission.

You're not lifelong partners and you were with people you don't know very well but who know him well, and you'd probably have liked to manage your own relationship with them. Maybe you also don't like this kind of crudity aimed at you by him.

It's irrelevant whether other mumsnetters like this kind of thing. You didn't, you told him ... and he hasn't listened. YANBU.

urgh it sounds like he’s trying to show off to his friends and embarrass you. I also would have raised it and if he did it again I would be considering my options.

Fnarr Fnarr.

Your DP was in the company of his best friend who he has known longer than you and who he hasn’t seen for a while. He clearly felt relaxed in his company and comfortable saying it and his friend probably thought nothing of it.
I’ve been with my DH for many years and neither of us are perfect and we’ve probably pissed each other off more than once over the years but we’ve moved on and something like this wouldn’t be something I’d be taking the trouble of asking about on Mumsnet. The fact that you are posting on here makes me think you feel it’s more than that. In which case perhaps you should think carefully if you want to carry on with this relationship.

I hate this sort of humor. You clearly hate it too and your H should know that, so should not have made the joke.

If he wanted to make a joke about what he shoves up his own after he’s been out drinking, then leave him to it.

But he’s your H, the person who should know you don’t like jokes like this at your expense.

So YANBU.

You sound a bit straight laced to me. Nothing wrong with that of course, but you might not be the person I'd want to talk with at a party.

OP if I were at that table I’d assume you were embarrassed because you like having things shoved up your bum when you’ve had a few.

Disclaimer-there’s nothing wrong with this if that’s what you’re into.

You need to fly one straight back at him next time. Instead of getting upset.

Did everyone just laugh at the joke it was meant to be? I would have.

Is that what you got from that?

Tbh that wouldnt have occured to me as it makes no sense at all, surely he was just implying the OP was drunk

Have I missed some common connection between unlimited drinks and items up your bum?

Given that you have been humiliated by that comment I would say that you aren’t compatible with your partner and it’s the end of the relationship (he is probably thinking that about you as well).

Plenty of people enjoy anal sex and I can tell you from my NHS ward experience that a surprisingly high number of people clearly do insert objects internally and get them stuck or cause an injury. Each to their own.

Why the humiliation, unless you do actually shove things up your arse and he’s given away your little secret? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s a joke. A joke! He seems witty, but I quite like crude humour like that. I’d only have an issue with it if I genuinely did shove remote controls or such like up my arsehole in which case I’d be sensitive about him sharing my penchant for bum fun with his pals.

Whilst you’re thinking it was humiliating and tasteless, he could be thinking you’re a prude who doesn’t understand his sense of humour.

Guess you mean the OP and not me?

Thanks for the replies. We do sometimes ‘explore’ that area which is why the comment irked me I think.

Read the post again

I skim read that as ‘unlimited items up
your bum’ and thought to myself, blimey Slug and Lettuce will do anything to get more people to visit these days won’t they…

I think I’d have responded, “gosh, yes, we have experimented a bit haven’t we. You’d never think he’d be the type to be up for a pegging, would you?!. Anyway, how is the tiramisu, Steven?”

Sorry @Masiemaise but aim afraid his comment would have had me in stitches!

It was clearly a joke and nothing humiliating whatsoever.

But I don’t think that’s linked to having bottomless brunches.

You come across as having massively overreacted and probably embarrassed him in front of his friends. Your behaviour would be a dealbreaker for me and I would end things.

I see why you were embarrassed OP, he needs to keep his mouth shut.