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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel humiliated meeting DP’s best friend for the first time?

131 replies

Masiemaise · 21/09/2025 16:46

I have been with DP for nearly a year but only
met his best friend (and his wife) for the first time last night, as they live a few hours away and had a baby around the time I met DP so haven’t been free to meet up.

We went to a restaurant followed by a couple of bars in the city they are from, so were all a bit tipsy. DP’s friends wife works in the NHS and was talking about some of the strangest things she has seen.

She mentioned people turning up at A&E with items lodged in their bum. DP’s friend commented along the lines of he doesn’t know what would posses anyone to do that sort of thing.

DP then turned to me and said ‘you should see what she’s like when she gets home from bottomless brunch with her friends’ and burst out laughing.

I pulled him up on it last night and again today but he doesn’t see the issue. He has given a half apology but said he was joking and didn’t mean anything by it, and his friend/wife will know it was a joke.

Am I being a bit OTT with my reaction? It felt so unnecessary

OP posts:
LemonTwix · 21/09/2025 19:03

Toesy · 21/09/2025 18:47

I'm a bit wary of men who find it so easy to make their partner the butt of the joke.
Women are always then told to lighten up and not be so sensitive.
OP was meeting these people for the first time, and what she gets up to with her friends is not for him to mock her with.
His half arsed apology wouldn't impress me either.
OP, he sounds like a bit of a twat to be honest.

I agree. There was nothing witty about his comment at all. In front of people she didn’t know he made it sound like OP was desperate for anal sex after getting drunk with her friends. He should have made a joke about himself instead of hauling her into it.

Blappengrap · 21/09/2025 19:05

I wouldn't find this funny either. To me, it's low intelligence humour, I prefer something more sophisticated.
I would be cross if DH said something like that about me.

SnippySnappy · 21/09/2025 19:08

I'd have found it hilarious and retorted something back. But then my husband and I have a similar sense of humour. I guess you don't.

JayJayj · 21/09/2025 19:12

That is something I’d have said about my husband. Even though it’s absolutely not true. It’s clearly a joke.

Maybe you have different sense of humour about things.

FancyQuoter · 21/09/2025 19:12

Masiemaise · 21/09/2025 17:58

Thanks for the replies. We do sometimes ‘explore’ that area which is why the comment irked me I think.

my point in my reply earlier.

Being miffed about it meant it's true 😂

JMSA · 21/09/2025 19:16

YABU (sorry!)

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 21/09/2025 19:17

Ilovegermany · 21/09/2025 18:08

Oh lighten up. Why “humiliated”? My DP has only 3 fingers on one hand because of an accident and if anyone asks about it when I am there he makes a joke about it still working with my clit.

Good grief. What op's husband said wouldn't bother me at all but this would feel way too much and I'd be really embarrassed. Each to their own though!

Anonentity · 21/09/2025 19:19

Masiemaise · 21/09/2025 16:46

I have been with DP for nearly a year but only
met his best friend (and his wife) for the first time last night, as they live a few hours away and had a baby around the time I met DP so haven’t been free to meet up.

We went to a restaurant followed by a couple of bars in the city they are from, so were all a bit tipsy. DP’s friends wife works in the NHS and was talking about some of the strangest things she has seen.

She mentioned people turning up at A&E with items lodged in their bum. DP’s friend commented along the lines of he doesn’t know what would posses anyone to do that sort of thing.

DP then turned to me and said ‘you should see what she’s like when she gets home from bottomless brunch with her friends’ and burst out laughing.

I pulled him up on it last night and again today but he doesn’t see the issue. He has given a half apology but said he was joking and didn’t mean anything by it, and his friend/wife will know it was a joke.

Am I being a bit OTT with my reaction? It felt so unnecessary

It was a joke. Stop dragging it out.

katepilar · 21/09/2025 19:22

I cant stand jokes like this. Dont find it funny at all. Or appropriate.

neilyoungismyhero · 21/09/2025 19:22

APTPT · 21/09/2025 17:04

You sound as though you might have a stick wedged up there.

This made me chuckle far too much.

250mlmax · 21/09/2025 19:24

Masiemaise · 21/09/2025 17:58

Thanks for the replies. We do sometimes ‘explore’ that area which is why the comment irked me I think.

Are you really upset because one time you came home drunk from a bottomless brunch and you had anal
sex with him and you think that’s what he was referring to?

Enigma54 · 21/09/2025 19:24

Joke.com?

snackatack · 21/09/2025 19:26

I'm assuming your OH had some truth to what he said.

That is why you feel the way you do.

If there is some truth to the situation - then he is one to throw back - a gentleman should never tell.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 21/09/2025 19:27

Was the joke about you or about the wife?
Sorry didnt get it- he turned to you to talk about her- that's how it sounded to me.

250mlmax · 21/09/2025 19:27

Ilovegermany · 21/09/2025 18:08

Oh lighten up. Why “humiliated”? My DP has only 3 fingers on one hand because of an accident and if anyone asks about it when I am there he makes a joke about it still working with my clit.

WTF?! That’s… so much information.

snackatack · 21/09/2025 19:28

Just got to the end of the thread and see I am right

He is lax with keeping your private life private.

Throw him back.

mismomary · 21/09/2025 19:31

Bit cringe but just a silly joke they will have immediately forgotten.

Fuckitydoodah · 21/09/2025 19:31

Unless you have got a secret penchant for shoving strange things up your bumper, then I don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about.

Don't most people make these sort of jokes amongst friendship groups when the drinks have been flowing?

His friend's won't have given it any further thought.

Fuckitydoodah · 21/09/2025 19:32

Bum not bumper 😆

BlakeCarrington · 21/09/2025 19:34

jolies1 · 21/09/2025 18:00

I think I’d have responded, “gosh, yes, we have experimented a bit haven’t we. You’d never think he’d be the type to be up for a pegging, would you?!. Anyway, how is the tiramisu, Steven?”

😂😂 what a splendid response that would have been!

Dontitalwaysseemtogo · 21/09/2025 19:44

It was a joke and you need to lighten up!

QueenAstrid · 21/09/2025 19:46

I think it’s quite funny 😬 Maybe you’re not compatible.

Autumn38 · 21/09/2025 19:57

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/09/2025 17:17

"She mentioned people turning up at A&E with items lodged in their bum. DP’s friend commented along the lines of he doesn’t know what would posses anyone to do that sort of thing.

DP then turned to me and said ‘you should see what she’s like when she gets home from bottomless brunch with her friends’ and burst out laughing."

So basically he gave this couple the impression that when drunk, you shove things up your anus.

Yeah, I'd be pretty fucked off with him.

Unless he leaned over conspiratorially, looked at them earnestly and delivered the line with no hint at a smile, I should think they got it was a joke.

OP hopefully laughed it off rather than turn bright red and loudly protest her innocence. If so, I’d say no one actually thought he was serious….

FeistyFrankie · 21/09/2025 20:00

I cannot stand it when someone jokes about me in the third person. Only ever had one partner joke about me like this and I just found it to be so rude and disrespectful. Maybe I'm uptight too! For me, it's the fact he made you the butt of the joke (sorry) with people you'd only just met. You're still getting to know them and this doesn't just doesn't sit right with me. It's like he's saying it's ok to laugh AT you, which isnt the sort of behaviour I would want to see from a loving and respectful partner.

Having said that, if this isn't part of a pattern, OP try to let it go. It wasn't even a funny joke, and I'm sure his friends have forgotten all about it by now. And hopefully he now knows not to embarrass you like that in future.

itsAforapple · 21/09/2025 20:07

It was a stupid thoughtless comment but I wouldn’t read too much into it.