DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

[LaniJen]

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

It makes sense to feel extremely uncomfortable. You live nearby and he’s moved into the in laws to have a baby when they’re on holiday. I’m not sure i understand why… I personally felt extremely uncomfortable whenever i was at the in laws!

I’d go home then. Staying at your parents house for relaxing purposes has not worked out.

many many women find staying home with a baby "boring", and many women find maternity leave excruciatingly numbingly boring.

I thought it was a great holiday, don't get me wrong (giving birth was NOT fun) but it's also normal and natural to be bored.

Not being in your own home is very boring after a while anyway, even worst with a baby

Why aren’t you all set up for a home birth at your house? Surely everything you need is there? Is it a space issue?

Makes it all the more weird then!
“ special time” in parents house??

Yeah, that’s bit bizarre!

I think it’s reasonable to ask him to come with you if you are somewhere that is comfortable and calming for you, you are the one who is about to give birth and your comfort is key at the moment, not his. However, to be fair to him he has come with you and from what you have said, it doesn’t sound like he has kicked up a fuss about it so he is doing what is best for you and trying to be supportive.

You are not being unreasonable to expect his support but you can’t force him to enjoy it. It’s not his house or even his parent's house so it’s not the same for him.

My advice is to get off of this chat thread and go and have a chat with him directly.

Honestly DH and I were both bored out of our minds waiting for baby to come, I was glad u worked up until the week of my due date. We went for lunch and walks but time just dragged, we couldn’t do anything particularly interesting. We went shopping to get DH a suit for our friends wedding the day before I gave birth just to give me a reason to get out!

After baby arrives many, many “date nights” for the next few years will be spent cooking and chatting together - I would make the most of doing anything you can’t do with a baby in tow - cinema, go for a swim together etc.

My thought was this too.. I honestly wish you well OP but country house, birth pool, home birth… i would wait to see how you feel after the first decent contractions!

Of course he's bored, I would be too but he's doing what you want because it's important that you feel comfortable.

How far is the nearest hospital? I hope it isn't super far just in case you need to transfer to the hospital.

I don't understand how it is 'special time' when it is just time together in another person's house?

My ex-H and I did lots of 'special time' before the birth - spa hotels and walking trips, not living in either of our parents' houses!

He's doing what you want because you are giving birth to his child and he loves you. He doesn't have to like it.

My goodness I would have hated this, never mind DH! It sounds really boring. I left work on the Friday afternoon and my elective CS was booked for the Monday morning, so we planned to have people around for dinner each night over the weekend as we probably wouldn't really be able to entertain for a while. Unfortunately the Friday night dinner people brought quite a spicy soup, and I went into labour that night and had to have an emergency CS instead! So no relaxing weekend for us! That was fine by me, I have never liked hanging around waiting for anything.

But everyone is different, which is a great thing. If you are doing what you want and DH is indulging your wishes that is nice, I wouldn't get at him about it.

I can imagine being in the awkward waiting for something to happen place, mentally. A bit like when you have friends coming for dinner; if I'm ready in advance (miracle)/they are late then I sort of perch on the sofa not really able to settle to anything. And with a baby there's a lot more of an unknown arrival time. I'd give him credit for doing a thing that was important to you and not whining about it to you.

He should be worried that that situation, not being able to do anything right for his wife, will continue. Poor chap!

I assume it’s where she’s most relaxed so best for the home birth experience?

OP- how long are you staying after the birth?

I think you had an idea of what might be lovely and romantic and it’s not worked out like that.

perhaps rethink the plan.

Why did you think he'd be happy at your parents' home, when he could just be in his own place?

Why are you having a home birth anyway? It's a bugbear of mine!

It is weird to want to give birth at your parents house. The whole point of a home birth is that you are at home. Any house is suitable really - I had my third in a tiny cottage. It seems like your home doesn’t feel to you like your home - and I think that is the issue here, not your husband getting bored kicking his heels at your parent’s house.

Because it’s what she wants to do, why do you have a bugbear about other people’s choices that aren’t affecting you? It seems like your upsetting yourself unnecessarily.

everyone I know (small sample, I am aware) who wanted a home birth ended up blue lighted to the nearest hospital.

As long as it's not in a block of flat at least, poor neighbours!

Let's not even go into a private choice (perfectly reasonable to have one) but not funded privately.

Probably because my daughter would have died if I hadn't been in hospital, that's why.

You will hopefully look back at this in a few years time and laugh at how silly you sound. I know when I had my first after many years of trying I had exceptional ideas of what I wanted, that ended with being blue lighted from our rural nurse led maternity to the main hospital for an emergency section under GA. Not at all my fluffy bunny birth I was expecting and you know what, it made me realise the only important thing is a healthy baby.

Nah - he's just bored (I'd be too)

Well it’s a good job you were in hospital then but many many women have had safe and happy home births too so each to their own.

This was my thoughts . It’s not alone time living with parents .