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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

512 replies

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:15

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

OP posts:
FancyQuoter · 21/09/2025 16:36

I would be bored out of my head if I was stuck like that , so good on him to try to keep you happy and making a lot of efforts, he sounds lovely.

but you are very unreasonable to call it "our special time" - he has to work remotely, in somebody else's house, middle of nowhere with nothing to do.

Genuinely, what exactly did you think would be "special" about this?
I understand you prefer the birth options there, but aren't YOU lonely? No friend around? What do you do all day while he's working?

MaybeNotBob · 21/09/2025 16:39

So he loves you so much that he's willing to go along with this for your sake, and you still want to find a way to have a go at him?

Poor chap, can't do anything right...

FancyQuoter · 21/09/2025 16:39

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/09/2025 16:32

Thought of being stuck in somebody else's house for up to a month without a single break from one person - no matter how much I liked them - because the 'point' of it was to give them undivided attention every second sounds really uncomfortable.

I would be worried he had given so much undivided attention for no special reason now, he would need to blow a fuse and get some air after the baby's born - when realistically you would need him the most.

I would need to get out to avoid exploding and I would be the one giving birth 😂

There's only so much claustrophobic settings I can bear

Foundationns · 21/09/2025 16:43

He's not enjoying staying at your parents' house in the way that you are. It doesn't mean anything sinister about your relationship or the future, just that you don't always enjoy exactly the same thing.
People are different. I always prefer to be at home unless there's a special reason for staying somewhere else, and this isn't a special reason because you could cook and chat and look forward to the baby just as well at home. Don't let this difference of perspective spoil this time.

TalulahJP · 21/09/2025 16:48

I’d suggest you go home and go back to the house when youre having the baby.

NamelessNancy · 21/09/2025 16:52

OP is the one preparing to give birth and if this is where she wants to be and feels most comfortable he should suck it up and support her. Which, to be fair, sounds like exactly what he is doing.

YourWildAmberSloth · 21/09/2025 16:56

It sounds a bit false and forced to be honest. Preparing for and anticipating the arrival of a new baby is generally special enough by itself. I would find it hard to relax staying in someone else's home, away from my own home, even if they are away.

Rewis · 21/09/2025 17:00

Saying he is bored is very mild. Yes, it is annoying that he is bored when you're having a good time. But this is very mild.

Carandache18 · 21/09/2025 17:00

It does sound stultifying, tbh.
And serves you right for snooping his messages.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 21/09/2025 17:00

"or if baby doesn’t come on their own" @LaniJen

No one has stayed pregnant forever! You WILL go into labour at some point. You don't have to have an induction just because the medical staff become impatient! Please note that sweeps ARE a form of induction.

Ansjovis · 21/09/2025 17:01

As others have said, if this is the first clue you had about his feelings then he's actually being very considerate in how he's behaving.

You're just about to give birth so your emotions are naturally going to be all over the place but I would definitely try your best to let go of this, and any other preconceived ideas about how this next life stage is going to go. Based on what you've said here my concern would be that you may be vulnerable to post partum depression if the baby comes and things aren't how you imagined them to be. Of course I may be way off but I don't think that keeping an eye out for that is a bad thing for any new mum.

the5thgoldengirl · 21/09/2025 17:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

the5thgoldengirl · 21/09/2025 17:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

RawBloomers · 21/09/2025 17:03

But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

Instead of feeling crushed that he doesn’t like exactly what you like at this point in time, couldn’t you take from it that he appreciates what you’re going through and loves you so much that he’ll do exactly what you want in the last weeks of pregnancy?

Him being bored doesn’t mean it isn’t a special time for him. He wants you to have the pregnancy and birth experience that suits you and he’ll happily be a bit bored to make that happen for you. True love does not require your partner to feel what you feel all the time. Love accepts differences is and is prepared to sacrifice for the happiness of the other.

oneoneone · 21/09/2025 17:06

Why not have conversation with him about it to see what you can do to make the 'just us' time work for both of you?

MikeRafone · 21/09/2025 17:09

you want to go to another home and stay their in preparation for arrival of baby. Your dh has accommodated you I this without a fuss, he is not enjoyed it and not told you this, but kept it to himself

but you are now pissed because he isn't enjoying his time, even though he is doing it for you and doing it without complaint

get a grip

Cherrysoup · 21/09/2025 17:10

What can he not do in this house that he can do at home? No local shop/pub/cafes?

PeloMom · 21/09/2025 17:12

What you describe would be a nightmare for me if I were your DP:

  • uprooted from my home and home comforts
  • by the sounds of things not much to do around especially if it’s a nice day
  • cooking together- takes at least twice the time and by the end of it I feel like whacking my DP with a pan
He can do it to make you happy and feel bored at the same time.
Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 17:12

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 16:13

Sorry, we’ve been out for a walk.
My parents live in the countryside not far from our home. Hospital is the same hospital. This has been discussed with midwifery team as I am very keen on a home birth and this house is more suitable. I am not far from a hospital if I need to go in or if baby doesn’t come on their own.

So it’s the same hospital? So you must live very close to your parents anyway. So either you’re not all the city central or they’re not all that country ish.

and I suspect your husband has had to spend many a weekend with his in-laws given you live to close so why he’s want to go back for a week…, is all the odder

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 21/09/2025 17:14

The message you are sending him is that the home you have created together is not good enough.

Its not his 'home' where you are now and you seem to feel it is your home. So again, not a great message.

He's allowed to be bored and to moan about it. Most people prefer to relax in their own home.

notacooldad · 21/09/2025 17:16

I think you have had a nice romantic idea that hasn't translated well into reality tbh.

shhblackbag · 21/09/2025 17:16

Waitaminutewheresmejumper · 21/09/2025 14:25

Tbh, hanging out at someone else's parents house while trying to work and having to have deep conversations intermittently does sound really shit. Good on him for going, he's clearly trying but you have planned something very tedious. If the baby is late, are you going to be doing this for 3 whole weeks??

Agree. I can't imagine.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/09/2025 17:19

But will your parents be home by the time you are due ?

Why on earth you want to have your baby in someone else's home is beyond me

How long are you planning on staying after the birth ?

I guess it is your childhood home ?

Fancyteacup · 21/09/2025 17:23

Gosh, go home and have the baby at your house. Just ‘set it up’ for a home birth like you have at your parents house

3luckystars · 21/09/2025 17:24

Don’t worry he won’t be bored in a week or two or ever again. Plenty of jobs to be doing and being a parent is definitely not boring. It’s never ending things to do. But not fun things.