DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

[LaniJen]

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

Yes yabu.
Nothing special or romantic or just us about being in your childhood home when you’re 9 months pregnant and every time you two hug that baby is right there and can kick one of you while punching the other.

I would be bored out of my mind. I worked until my due date and my DC were all >1 week late. For my first, I was so bored and fed up of being pregnant, I went on long walks all day long. After that, I had little ones to chase after while waiting for their younger sibling to decide to appear. I so kicked myself for not appreciating being bored.

Not everyone enjoys camping out at their in laws during the nail biting wait for labour to start. Especially if you get one of those start and stop labours that go on for days.…

Jesus Christ.

The parents aren't there people, RTFT.

I would assume the parents house is also much more spacious and comfortable than the OP's, and most importantly she wants to be there.

OP you are the most important thing here, you are the one who is going to be giving birth and you are the one that needs to be as comfortable as possible. What on earth would he be doing at home that is so exciting compared to here?

I would just ask him about it, maybe there's a compromise to be had so you can stay where you are but he can be less bored. It doesn't have to be a big deal but he really should have said something to you before he went moaning to other people.

Also no idea why.

I would just ask him about it, maybe there's a compromise to be had so you can stay where you are but he can be less bored

Hello, DH - while I was going through your messages, I saw a message from you to a female family member saying you were bored

When I read the OP title I thought "special time" meant sex

OP are you planning a 2 week ‘babybubble’ after the birth too? because I fear for his sanity lol.

Honestly, just talk to him. He clearly wanted to do the right thing by you but isn’t enjoying the enforced alone time.

He’s allowed to be bored.

I really think it’s just you had some expectations and they aren’t being matched. And that’s ok. Also your hormones are going to be crazy right now. I cried at all sorts towards the end of my pregnancy. We ordered a pizza and some chips from our regular place and the chips weren’t how I like them and I cried. I was so irrationally upset.

That’s what she wants to do, give birth at home. If OP needs medical assistance I’m assuming she knows how to access it quickly’

Agree with everyone else the set-up sounds tedious and odd. I'll presume there's a good reason for it (like technical requirements to set up the bath or whatever) and not just you saying that your parents house feels better to you than your shared family home. Even so, it's tedious and unpleasant to be in someone else's space.

And he isn't even objecting to it or complaining to you. He is just not enjoying it (obviously) and letting off mild steam to others.

Enjoy the baby.

God I’d have hated that, and I was the one having the baby 😂 I spent the last night before I went in for my induction nagging DP to help me clean all the door frames so it was ‘nice for when the baby comes home’ 😂😂

Also, you were checking his phone, no need for fibs about Bluetooth 😉

I can't understand why you didn't just stay in your own home. I'd much prefer to relax there than stay in someone else's house. Also, I can understand why he finds it boring. In your own house, there's always things to do, even if it's just mending something or going through your photo albums. He can't do anything like that in your parents' house.

Oh this !

I think the whole arrangement sounds odd tbh, and I don't blame him for feeling unhappy with being away from home. But he's done it for you - you can't stop him feeling unhappy about it though.

@LaniJen why would you not want to have the baby in your own home? dont understand??

This sounds like my idea of hell. I'd want to be in my own home, not a guest in someone else's home. Forced relaxing doesn't sound like fun.

Well he is allowed to be bored. It’s fair for him to feel that way.

It was a batshit idea and now you know he’s not enjoying it surely you’ll go back home?

It’s not a batshit idea if she feels relaxed and comfortable there. Plus he may be bored but he seems happy to do it for her.

As marvellous as it can be, in my experience motherhood is one huge exercise in various things not living up to your hopes and expectations. Learning to let go of how you thought it would be is a skill you will hone to perfection! So I’d let this go.

Honestly I love my in-laws and my DP but that sounds like hell to me!
It's your family home not his; it'll be impossible for him to relax there

This.

Hes going along with it and venting to someone privately. It is allowed!

Tbh op i'd be pretty bumbed if my DH found a week with me, where he's working anyway so it's not like it's 18 hours a day starting into each others eyes lol, boring. We enjoy each others company, similar tastes in TV, able to spend time together doing our own stuff etc'

He is allowed to be bored.