DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

[LaniJen]

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

I find this set up really odd and I can understand why he’s bored!

im currently in hospital at 37 weeks waiting for them to break my waters due to pre eclampsia and I’ve not been home for days. My husband is home with our 4 year old. It’s made me realise I’d do anything to get back home and that’s our safe space together, I don’t understand why you’d uproot and expect your husband to be out of his home just before a big life event.

mine will be working as normal tomorrow as well despite all that’s going on, unless I’m actually delivering

I don’t understand the “special time” reference, sounds a bit twee

I think this is the crux of it, really. Being in your own house is just relaxing in a way that being elsewhere isn't.

Where's your parent's home? The Hamptons? 🙄

But why would you not want to be in your OWN home? I find it really odd that you obviously dont view the home you share with your husband as your home.... Im with your husband even without your parents there its really odd you expect him to be all comfy and relaxed there... Its not his home?
Most people would surely feel more comfortable in their own home..

I actually think its really odd you've asked him to do this

Im not surprised he’s bored,I wouldn’t want to be there either.

Whats wrong with being in your own home with all your comforts there? I’m guessing he has just went along with this to please you so you can’t blame him for not wanting to be there.

Sorry, we’ve been out for a walk.
My parents live in the countryside not far from our home. Hospital is the same hospital. This has been discussed with midwifery team as I am very keen on a home birth and this house is more suitable. I am not far from a hospital if I need to go in or if baby doesn’t come on their own.

I simply wouldn't stay at my in-laws house, and definitely not the house of a boyfriend. Wouldn't be comfortable.

Do many people like cooking together? I thought it gets on peoples tits 😄

What is special time? 🤷‍♀️. I wouldn’t have thought him spending time at your parents home is very special. 🙄

I agree with this poster.

Why can’t you do this at your own home? Really strange.

Well he can't help how he feels I suppose. Maybe he is more of a city-dweller type.

It's disappointing he isn't loving it as much as you, but I guess as long as he is trying his best to make you happy and comfortable, he is doing what he should be.

Try not to over exaggerate the importance of this. It's not worth upsetting yourself at a time like this.

Anyway, perhaps he just said "oh it's a bit boring" because he didn't want to sound overly soppy and emotional to his family members?

When I was seriously ill in hospital, my ex sent a message to one of his female friends saying it was "really boring". I don't think he was enough of a monster to be ACTUALLY bored by me being close to death (at least I fucking hope not - I gave years of my life to that man) - I prefer to think he just wasn't a man who was comfortable admitting to strong emotions. If that makes sense.

It's a strange idea TBH. I imagine he wants to be in his own home, and would prefer baby to be born in their /his/your own home too.
On the positive side he loves you enough to put up with your requests - he's allowed to moan/let off steam to his family.
What's wrong with the home you've made together?

Honestly? Pack up. Go home.

He’s going along with what you’d like as you’re the one who is pregnant. Some people aren’t countryside people 🤷‍♀️ and I imagine that self employed people often have work on the brain as that’s the nature of that kind of setup.

What kind of holidays do you normally take? I’m guessing that trips to your parents’ house is a long weekend trip rather than weeks. Is he normally someone who enjoys going out for walks and stuff when he visits your parents’ house? Staying in is some people’s idea of hell.

I’m guessing that he’s not seeing it like the romantic holiday that you envision which is fine imo. Is he the type of person who isn’t good with events like childbirth where you don’t know if it will happen tomorrow or in 3 weeks (when you’re 42 weeks)? I was antsy by 39 weeks and wanted to be at home and nest there but remember that your h doesn’t have the hormones making him feel like that yet.

Op, this may be a wild assumption but was your escape to ghe countryside an attempt to stop your dp from going out with friends in the evenings/at weekends and force him to spend time with you?

I hate to be a pedant, but the total world population is currently estimated at 8.2 billion.

What on earth? How does this make the op's home a hovel? It's likely just small and space is needed for a birthing pool and the midwifes equipment.

Rude much.

Sounds about the most boring thing you could plan for your last time without children. No wonder he’s bored! But maybe this is the sort of stuff you’ve always found fun so you do you!

This is odd!! I am with your DH on this one!!

I don't understand why you have gone to your parents house for this nesting stage. Most people want to be in their own home, prepping for the baby there. I would also feel uncomfortable if I was him.
How long do you intend to stay there? You say you even plan to give birth there which I find a bit odd too. Will your parents be away indefinitely? What if baby is late and you end up in hospital anyway? Where will you go then from there? Back to your parents house or your own home?

I guess it depends what exactly "moaning" consists of, but if it's more than a passing observation in a lot of normal correspondence, I'd be pretty unimpressed if he were acting as if everything were fine and he was happy and then secretly giving other people the impression that he's unhappy, there against his will, etc. He doesn't have to love every minute but don't be blatantly dishonest. I'm pregnant, not damaged/delusional.

Why can't you relax and be together in your own home?

Thought of being stuck in somebody else's house for up to a month without a single break from one person - no matter how much I liked them - because the 'point' of it was to give them undivided attention every second sounds really uncomfortable.

The setup isn't really the point and the thread's been derailed by so many posters focusing on it. It's a little unusual but if it works for the OP then it's not an issue.

The point is more that you can't police other people's enjoyment of things, and you can't demand they have the "correct" emotional response that you envisaged. He's allowed to be bored holed up in the countryside and he's allowed to have a moan to his family members about it. Taking it personally is a bit self-centred and turning it into a thing is pointless - it's not as if he can force himself not to be bored.