DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

[LaniJen]

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

You’re not. You think you are maybe.

One assumes that during this time, OP and her DH have agreed that DH will drive her to the hospital and will not call an ambulance?

Yeah tbh he's doing pretty well to me. He's doing what you want, OP. He doesn't have to love every minute of staying at your parents house while working and waiting. It's fine.

Seems the feminist is her husband, as he has her back here.
She had no idea he was bored, as he's ensuring she enjoys her special time.

If you're anything like me OP, you're knackered and just wanting to chill at 39 weeks. All I wanted to do was nap and have my DP rub my various aching joints and obsess over tiny socks. Nothing wrong with that - it's a cosy, sleepy time. I imagine it can't be anything except dull for anyone less tired though.

Your DP obviously really cares about you and wants you to be comfortable and relaxed (as well he should), so I wouldn't let the text spoil this time for you.

Exactly this.

To be fair to the bloke it sounds like he is doing it without complaint for her, but some of the women on here are making out the OP is the devil when in reality she is heavily pregnant, uncomfortable, probably quite nervous and her comfort is top priority.

What a nasty post to make to a pregnant woman.

OP has no more suggested their home is not good enough than all the women who give birth in hospitals do.

I don't think it's nasty. You pick hospital over home not because it's cozier but because it's safer. Picking a different home over your own can't be compared to that. For one, she isn't picking it for safety reasons or she would be in a bloody hospital.

Yeah, I think that's a fair point. It's not a massive problem, it sounds as if he's going along with it ok, but having a conversation would clear the air.

You’re not a feminist

Amazed and concerned anyone would have a home birth for their first. Myself and several of my friends had normal pregnancies and then serious life threatening issues in labour. You don’t know how it will go till it’s actually happening. ‘Low risk’ only means do much. I’d have died at home and so would my eldest child. An ambulance wouldn’t have been fast enough. Grateful my friends and I all chose hospital births for our first babies. Our children are alive which is all that matters. The people I know that did birthing centers were all on their second babies or subsequent ones.

Yes I have zero issues with the fact he’s bored and sharing it.
Its the women on here so concerned for him being bored and not in his comfort zone.

Im with the op. It’s tough being pregnant. Anything which makes it nice is a plus.

From my experience I would strongly advise against a home birth OP. I had a textbook delivery with DD, then the placenta wouldn’t come away and I haemorrhaged. Not only would that have been an awful mess at home, I wouldn’t have had the team of people who arrived within what seemed like seconds to sort it out. Friend’s friend’s baby had a really bad infection that wasn’t picked up on a home birth, chances are it would have been in hospital. It’s easy to romanticise the idea of a home birth but reality can be very different.

On the NHS for uncomplicated births, a home birth holds less risk of serious complications than a hospital birth does. So your reasoning is false.

But even if it were true it would still be a nasty post. OP is heavily pregnant, there is no point in berating her by telling her she’s communicated something negative to her DH. It’s just another poisonous AIBU example.

It's a shame OP hasn't really come back to say what is so nice about being in her parents home.
Surely most people when preparing for a baby like to make sure their own home is prepped and ready. I could understand if this post was earlier in the pregnancy and going away for a weekend as just a couple, but to go and stay at the parents house (for an unknown amount of time) seems a bit unusual and there hasn't really been an explanation for it.

On the NHS there is less risk of serious negative outcomes at a planned home birth than in a hospital. Midwife led units are slightly better. All differences are fairly minimal.

She’d be a fool to give her reasons on here. It would just be another opportunity for self-righteous poster to pick her apart.

I didn't think that was the case when it is the first pregnancy? 2+ pregnancies, yes but from what I understand, a first birth at home is riskier than a first birth at hospital.

She’s happy there. That’s all I need to say ignore his feelings. Being pregnant is bloody hard work.

But like someone said he’s just moaning. That’s ok.

Im sure someone will be along soon to ask about his precious feelings. But I genuinely don’t care.

Were you like this when you were pregnant? Ie give me what I want because I’m pregnant

But why isn't she happy in her own home? How long does she plan on staying at the parents house?
Are they both particularly young and she feels she needs her parents or to know she is in their surroundings as this is safer?

I am not sure how pregnancy is hard work and I certainly wouldn't have been happier going to my parents house....I wanted to be home ensuring things were ready (though this was not to be as my first was premature).

Well I genuinely don’t wish for this to sound rude, but none of that is any of your business.

Why would anyone here care that you don’t care about the feelings of some bloke you don’t even know? It’s not relevant to the situation at all whether you care or not.

It’s the OP’s relationship, not yours. Perhaps she does care how the father of her unborn child feels.

No but she has posted on AIBU. On the basis of what she has commented, then yes she is being totally unreasonable. Snooping on her partner's phone, moving him into her parents house. Who wants to enjoy us time in their in laws house?!

I was wondering if there was more to the story to make it make sense.

All this is about how you feel.