DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

[LaniJen]

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

Why is no one picking up on the fact that OP was checking his phone!

If this was "I looked at my wife's phone while trying to connect to the Bluetooth and saw she was venting to a relative that's she's bored" everyone would be saying he was controlling and shouldn't be looking at his wife's phone!

I’d hate to be the DH, I would prefer to be home with all my own stuff.

Mate, this sounds fucking batshit. Why on earth would you up sticks to someone else’s house just before a baby is born? Surely you’ll have enough upheaval in the next few weeks.

Just pack up, go home and grt
back to normal. The last few days of normal is what you need.

This^. I'd be bored spending weeks in someone else's house. You're probably feeling relaxed because it's your own parents home. Imagine spending weeks at your in law's place, even without them being there. Boring and a PITA.

It doesn't seem very relaxing having a home birth nit in yoyr in home so I can see where dps coming from.

So what can't he do there that he does at home, where I assume he isn't bored??

Odd jobs around the house, mow the lawn, chat to his neighbours, read a random magazine from his vast collection, wear anything from his wardrobe, rearrange his wardrobe, go on his rowing machine, hang out out in his shed, cook with his favourite gadgets and spices etc etc etc.

Why is he bitching to others but acting to you like he's having a lovely time?

Whether anyone else thinks it sounds boring or not, we do kinda rely on people actually using their words and talking about it. Youre not a mindreader!

I do think op if this is a special thing that you need to do, then just try and enjoy it and take the strength you need from this low key break.
Your husband will cope with being a bit bored here and there, and even if hes doing it for you, thats ok.

“Special time” is vomit inducing.
Go home and stop being weird.

To be honest I thought the “special time” was going to be about having sex to bring on labour.

I would take the opportunity to go out for lunches, walks, seeing friends, cinema etc and generally be going out and about if you feel okay than being stuck in at your mums house. You and your partner are going to have many days and nights at home with a newborn, and sometimes you feel like climbing the walls. You be itching to put your baby in a pram and go for a walk at that point. Been there, not fun at all..

‘Special time’

I would rather be in labour.

He's doing it because he knew it would make you happy. As you would do for someone you love. I would do it as well.

Just take that.

Plus there could be another three weeks of waiting time.

It’s like that other thread where one woman was texting a man from work and someone came on to say that it was wrong because ‘she was interrupting their cuddle time’ like what long term couple actually spend hours hugging each other in the evenings.

Most married couples I know have pretty separate lives. A text is not going to interrupt anything. It’s still wrong but not for that reason.

‘cuddle time’ ‘special time’ is all a bit much for me anyway

Your husband sounds very considerate, or you're being wilfully blind to his experience.
Your reaction to the messages sounds a bit much.

You sound like a hell of a lot of work and so utterly indulged!

How can you not see that this is awful for him? You’ve basically described the first week of lockdown (stuck inside & working from home).

My partner and I took a short trip before our baby arrived. It wasn’t an entire week and we had things to do. I was at work literally the day before my scheduled c-section.

Also, why are you being so reckless to give birth at home? I’ve been present at a birth that was dangerous and thankfully the obstetrician intervened. I don’t understand why you are choosing to be away from medical professionals.

Honestly mumsnet!! 😂 You are carrying his baby and your comfort trumps his.

We give up so much including our bodies , the second a bloke gives up his home comforts women are all over him with sympathy.

Find a feminist. She’ll have your back like me!

what are you on about? Her comfort obviously trumps his - that's why he's kindly having a miserable time to make her happy.

What else do you want him to do? Respect to him.

I’m not sure you have a proper handle on feminism, really.

When things go wrong they go wrong very quickly.

So your plan is to call an ambulance if something goes wrong?? An ambulance that could be saving someone else?

Me too!

I’m a feminist and I think the OP is selfish and indulged.

From my own experience, giving birth, babies are really really boring. Endless needs. Happily they grow up.

I’m miserable when pregnant. Who cares? My dh. If I want to spend the last week being where I want to be then he’d do it.