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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to decide what’s for sodding dinner?

166 replies

MellowPinkDeer · 21/09/2025 06:20

By far, the worst bit of being an adult is decided what’s for dinner. Ask the kids ‘ I don’t mind’ when they do, because they are pretty fussy. Ask DH he ‘isn’t bothered’ but of course SOMEONE has to be bothered or no one is eating anything??

I’m so over being the only person who has to think about this daily nonsense - are these responses from others just purely laziness?

AIBU to just serve up toast every night?!

OP posts:
Geiirksns · 21/09/2025 08:27

i’m happy to have the same thing every week for dinner but my DH and kids aren’t so I’m pretty clear that if they want different things it’s up to them to come up with it (kids are teens) and no moaning about it to me

illsendansostotheworld · 21/09/2025 08:27

Yep - it's proper shit but because l am home 30 seconds before everybody else, apparently it's my issue to sort outb
every night to infinity and beyond.

Original poster
MellowPinkDeer · 21/09/2025 08:31

MidnightPatrol · 21/09/2025 08:23

God I hate it.

’I don’t mind’ isn’t you being flexible, it you making it my problem…!

Exactly!!

OP posts:
mrsnjw · 21/09/2025 08:36

This to me is the absolute worst part of being an adult. My son has just moved into uni halls and it’s the one thing I don’t miss about him being gone. The only time he ever said anything , “what’s for dinner?”

BoudiccaRuled · 21/09/2025 08:50

I got my teenagers to choose recipes they thought looked ok to cook. I bought the ingredients (the hardest bit, but baby steps etc) and left them to it. Immediate hit and very fancy dinners!

Cherrytree86 · 21/09/2025 09:02

Just have beans on toast or something some nights! It doesn’t have to be a proper full on meal every night!

takealettermsjones · 21/09/2025 09:03

I do all the cooking in my house and honestly for a while I was like a short order cook, different meals for everyone's different diets and preferences. Now I have a loose rota based on the carb, as a PP said - so pasta one night, potato the next, then bread, then rice. So there's still room for interpretation but at least I have a starting point. And then I just cook whatever I want, but make sure there are components that everyone could have. E.g. even for spag bol I don't mix it together - there's a big bowl of buttered pasta, a bowl of meat sauce, a bowl of plain tomato sauce, salad, cheese, etc. I put it all on the table family style and everyone serves themselves (obviously I help the toddler). Everyone helps set and clear table. It sounds like faff but it's actually easier and works for us.

Xelda · 21/09/2025 09:10

Used to drive me mad when asking Dh and he’d say “oh, just something simple” like he was being helpful. He has thankfully stopped that. Or, “it’s too early to decide” - no, someone has to make a decision now!!!

BitOutOfPractice · 21/09/2025 09:18

PaddlingSwan · 21/09/2025 07:43

Well there are various options, the most obvious being "what are you going to make for us?" to anyone, who asks you.
I sometimes do a country of the week or somewhere we have been on holiday. As our main meal is always lunch, supper is less of an issue and is often soup and salad, Abendbrot or cheese and fruit or some combination of those options.

Can I ask a question please? I’m sure it’s absolutely obvious but how does having soup and salad work? I see it do often on mn and I don’t understand. Do you mean together, at the same time? Or one after the other? And if so, what order? And what sort of salad?

I feel like a total idiot asking this so please explain to me!

DaisyChain505 · 21/09/2025 09:23

You should sit down as a family on a Sunday and make a meal plan and shopping list.

That way everyone knows what’s on the menu, they’ve helped choose it and you’re only buying what you need at shopping meaning you’re not spending or wasting as much.

You need to be clear and direct with your husband that he is to be in charge of making X amount of meals each week and to ask what it is he’d like on those nights for him to cook.

Bjorkdidit · 21/09/2025 09:53

MidnightPatrol · 21/09/2025 08:23

God I hate it.

’I don’t mind’ isn’t you being flexible, it you making it my problem…!

So you just make what you want to eat/can be arsed making and if there are complaints, remind them that they said they didn't mind.

Anyone over about 10 can make themselves egg/beans on toast/cereal etc if they reject the meal that has been kindly cooked for them.

cygnusgenie · 21/09/2025 10:04

I find it easiest to sit down at the weekend and meal plan. It's a pain to do but then no need to think for the whole week.

AnnaMagnani · 21/09/2025 10:18

While I do get fed up of deciding every night I find the benefits outweigh the negatives:
I never ever wash up or clean the kitchen as I am only responsible for the cooking
We always eat something I want to eat

OhNoNotSusan · 21/09/2025 10:18

and dh makes me furious when i ALREADY have the rice on for example and says Not much for me!!

Beamur · 21/09/2025 10:35

I would meal plan but my DH seems allergic to that level of organisation.
So, as he cooks, I buy a range of ingredients, suggest some options and leave him to it. If I cook, there's a few meals I make that I like 😄

Nearly50omg · 21/09/2025 10:43

If you’re cooking don’t ask what everyone wants just cook it!! If they complain put it back on them that they are welcome to take over cooking dinner you will be very happy!!

CarefulN0w · 21/09/2025 10:50

This used to drive me nuts and I like cooking, so I now get chat GPT to do our meal plan for the week and then a shopping list. I have given it my “rules” around allergies, low UPF, veg at each meal, some vegetarian meals and quick dinners midweek and it does a pretty good job. It’s a small thing, but frees up some headspace.

Elsvieta · 21/09/2025 10:57

How about if you did all the planning / shopping, but left it to DH to cook it? Cuts down the resentment quite a bit ime.

AnnaMagnani · 21/09/2025 11:02

Nearly50omg · 21/09/2025 10:43

If you’re cooking don’t ask what everyone wants just cook it!! If they complain put it back on them that they are welcome to take over cooking dinner you will be very happy!!

This!

I used to ask DH for suggestions and he was either vague or suggested stuff that was very expensive or I'd didn't like.

So now he gets what he is given.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 21/09/2025 11:04

I completely relate to you OP! It is soul destroying to get in and that is the first thing to be asked! Also for me, the ‘don’t minds’ actually did mind !!
I saw an idea online where a Mum had a jar of lolly sticks with meal options written on them and just picked seven a week! I ordered some sticks on Amazon and went fe and use the sticks to plan and then shop. We sometimes swap the days around if needed. A few years in now, but continue as it saves me having to tax my menopausal brain any more and means I can just say ‘look on the plan’ if they ask!!
We added more sticks over time as we find new recipes etc online and now have about 100 I think 😊

Original poster
MellowPinkDeer · 21/09/2025 11:06

Elsvieta · 21/09/2025 10:57

How about if you did all the planning / shopping, but left it to DH to cook it? Cuts down the resentment quite a bit ime.

Then we’d only have about 4 things in rotation 🤣 ( his first wife barely worked and so he was very used to dinner times being , for him , just turn up and sit down) I don’t mind the cooking bit, It’s the deciding bit, on the rare occasions he cooks he always asks me what I want so that’s doesn’t help the situation!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MellowPinkDeer · 21/09/2025 11:06

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 21/09/2025 11:04

I completely relate to you OP! It is soul destroying to get in and that is the first thing to be asked! Also for me, the ‘don’t minds’ actually did mind !!
I saw an idea online where a Mum had a jar of lolly sticks with meal options written on them and just picked seven a week! I ordered some sticks on Amazon and went fe and use the sticks to plan and then shop. We sometimes swap the days around if needed. A few years in now, but continue as it saves me having to tax my menopausal brain any more and means I can just say ‘look on the plan’ if they ask!!
We added more sticks over time as we find new recipes etc online and now have about 100 I think 😊

Edited

I can only dream of 100 options! That’s brilliant!

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 21/09/2025 11:15

If Inspiration is lacking I do big crispy jacket potatoes and …. Add favourite fillings
I like houmous and crunchy salad
easy 20 minutes prep max

LostMySocks · 21/09/2025 11:18

I got fed up with always having to decide and then having everyone whinging.
I sat the kids down and we wrote a list of all the meals that we could cook split into fairly quick and more time consuming. We now use this to create a 2 week plan together. As a bonus DS1 has decided he wants to cook for us more regularly. He still needs a bit of help but is getting more reliable so needs less supervision.
Since we've done this I've not had moaning about meals.