To encourage my dd into high paying careers?

[AleaEim]

Silly and lighthearted since my dd is still a baby but lately I’ve been reflecting. DH and I come from disadvantaged backgrounds, we were never encouraged to go to uni or choose something well paid. It’s recently dawned on me (in my mid thirties) that all the wealthy or at least comfortable families I know seem to have chosen money over love for their jobs (or in some cases where my female friends with careers in the arts married men who were in finance) therefore they can afford to live in wealthy parts of London comfortably. I used to think that I’d encourage my DD to chase her dreams but now I’m thinking it’s money she needs to chase which is sad because it goes against my values. I just don’t want her to struggle like we did/ do. We live in a small place, and have very little disposable income. We’re moving up in our roles gradually but we’ll never be loaded as I’m in the public sector and DH in hospitality.

I wouldn’t say I’m forcing my dreams on them, I’d say I’m relieving them of my nightmares.
Great words, Holliegee.
Kids will do what they want, as ever. Some kids are more easily influenced by their parents than others.

Hello Khaki Tiger

I"m glad someone has the courage to say this about AI. It is being sold as a future job creation project at the moment to allay people's fears.

I really think an overwhelmingly majority of people. Do not get how disruptive AI is going to be in changing our lives and society as a whole. And how few jobs, there will really be.

They either don't understand or in denial.

It could be for the better, but the way the greedy Human Race works. It's just not going to happen.

There will be very few jobs in the future.

A Nightmare Scenario?

Be afraid..Be very afraid.

👍🐯🌐📢

I agree with this. The two wealthiest women I know by far ( both self-made multi-millionaires) made their fortunes from doing what they loved - one a creative writer, the other a dancer who franchised a dance form worldwide, while still dancing and teaching dance herself every day.

I know some very wealthy lawyers and hedge fund managers but only two are as rich as the ones who made their fortune doing what they loved.

I encouraged DC to do what they love but to try and monetise it as much as possible.

The world is going to look very different to today in 20 years time when she is job hunting. Traditionally well paid roles in law, finance, medicine are likely to disappear over time as AI takes over.

So while on paper I agree with you, identifying what this means in 20 years will be much tougher. I'm a pessimist about the future (due to climate change, economic migration, politics, AI etc), so I'd be encouraging my kids to try and get a small plot of land in a very temperate climate (coastal areas of the UK, NZ, etc) and learn how to be self sufficient and grow their own food. I think this will be more important over the course of their lifetime than, for example, a law degree.

Yes.

When did I say any of that. Only a Luddite would think that AI is going to replace all jobs. Change happens. Get over it.

Encourage her to leave the UK (if that's where you are). The future of this country looks bleak as fuck.

I've seen so many professional women struggle to juggle their lives, I'm not convinced that it is the best thing for everyone though it depends on how they cope with busy lives and stress.

It's great if you have employment where you can work part-time and still earn a large amount, but to work very long hours and never see your family seems pointless to me.
However getting a good job that sidesteps these problems is great, especially if you can pay for reliable, good childcare.

It was mentioned earlier that for some getting one of these good jobs is simply a way to get a rich husband - I'm sure many of of know women like this and they never imagine that something will go wrong with their marriage and they need to start again.

YANBU and in fact, particularly if you have a daughter, I think its an obligation to teach them that they need to be financially self-reliant and not expect to be supported by a husband or partner. "Follow your dreams" could work if your daughter turns out to be a gifted musician, but it shouldn't become a carte blanche to try everything but never stick at anything.

However, as others have said, be open-minded about what that could look like. It doesn't have to mean banking/accountancy/law (and in fact these jobs are both very tough to get into and not necessarily that well paid any more).

So being open to jobs which aren't traditionally "while collar" is a good move, providing your DD actually has some competence at them and they're not absurdly competitive.

The lessons I want to teach my daughter above all are:

• Self-reliance. Never expect to marry money, never expect anyone to support you and beware anyone who wants/expects you to stop work if you have children
• Focus on finding out what you love and are good at, work your heart out at these things
• Be prepared to work really hard. Nothing comes easily in life, particularly for women
• Challenge yourself, take opportunities and don't close doors
• Be resilient: if something doesn't work the first/second/third time, don't give up

That’s interesting. Did the two women you know have help, or did they come from wealthy families, have inheritance etc? I tried working in a creative industry but I was clueless as how to set up a business, had no contacts and no family support financially or emotionally. It didn’t work and I career changed, I earn much more now and there is room for progression.

Encourage her to do what makes her happy.

Both of them had previously been in high earning careers - one in law and one in finance. When they switched (one in her early thirties, one in late forties) to creative careers they brought their business nous and some comfortable savings to what they did. But neither of them had family money.

Edited to say I've just remembered a third woman who is a multi-millionaire from her writing. All three are the richest women I know from their own work (I know an eye-wateringly wealthy hedge fund manager but she also married into a very wealthy family so no idea what is hers and what is family.)

I’m sure there are many more people who followed their creative dreams with achieving any level of success, think of the young Beckham. When people don’t succeed - they tend not to publish their failure. And I know a few families that have supported their dcs in their dreams for it all to turn out very badly.

In my humble opinion it's not about encoyrging anything in particular but about educating her in the value of money and helping her understand what the trade offs are in having a highly paid job vs doing something that might be more of a passion or a vocation but might also pay less well.

I have a well paid job, I've always worked hard and I enjoy it. I'm not massively profligate but I like to go to nice places occasionally and I value being able to buy things without worrying about if I can afford them. My brother has never had particularly well paid jobs because he values time off and travelling but he is frugal and visits places where it's cheap to live. He has invested wisely when we received an inheritance from our Father so he has security for the future. He has always had enough money to support himself and has never expected other people to take care of him but he is happy not having high salary and he has built a life that suits him.

There is no one way to be happy but understanding that choices have consequences and that we all need to be able to support ourselves is key.

Excellent advice!👏

I have a baby boy, I’ll encourage him to follow his interests and what he’s good at, but will probably guide him towards the higher paying jobs within those interests.. if that makes sense. For example, if he likes biology, I’ll encourage him into a career in pharma rather than a career as a doctor as unfortunately pharma pays better and gives you a better lifestyle nowadays! (I work in pharma and there’s tonnes of jobs I had no idea existed when I was at school). Although what I would really love is for him to go into a trade! Electrician would be my top choice. It really depends on his interests and natural ability though, I’m not going to encourage him into accountancy if he turns out to be more creative and hates maths!

I think it's fine to encourage children to get high paying jobs, as long as they are jobs that fit their particular skills and interests. I know a few people who tried to force themselves into high paying jobs that didn't suit them and they either ended up leaving and having to find something else, or they're still in those jobs and utterly miserable. It's hard to be successful in something you don't really care about - it's hard to stay motivated and to put up with the bad parts of the job. It's much easier to grow and develop in something you enjoy.

I did very well at school - I could have done pretty much anything - but all I wanted was to have children. I did that (thankfully), then started my own business, which I enjoy and makes money but I don't care that much about it tbh. My children are teens now and I encourage them to explore different interests and to be aware of what makes them tick so they can choose a career path that works for them.

So many interesting responses, I will encourage her interests of course but I’d also like her to have opportunities in math and science that I never had. I’m a bit rubbish at these so I’m trying to be cautious us of that and give her toys etc that are more encouraging of these subjects. I am worried I don’t know enough about STEM to encourage that when she’s at school.

Did you try at these or did you struggle once and then say "oh it's too difficult".

You can discourage them from the things you don't want them to do, by being unsupportive and disapproving of it (and have them resent you slightly for life) but it's very difficult to successfully steer them into what you do want them to do. Eventually, even the most eager to please child will crack in a career that they never actually wanted- and that's assuming they have the aptitude to get into it in the first place. A child who truly wanted to be an artist isn't going to be a happy stockbroker because their Mum thinks it's a better option and a child who dreamed of being a stockbroker will never stick at being an artist for long. You just have to let them become the person they are going to be and make sure they know you believe in them.

In many Asian cultures it's quite common to go down a financially secure path (there are still many options). You find what area you excel at and then you work together as a family to see how to maximise your skills and income

This is one of the biggest differences I have seen between middle class and poorer families. My daughter attended school with many children of immigrants who had limited education and frequently spoke poor English. My husband and I are well paid professionals.
Her friends' families were excited their kids went to university at all--they had no understanding that a political science, gender studies or psychology major may not get you the kind of employment you hope for. We advised our kids to go into something they liked, but make sure it had good opportunities. For example, if you like environmental studies, do an ENGINEERING degree, not a soft arts degree in it. Engineering will get you the job and pay. Pure biology? That will need a graduate degree, and probably a post doc, and jobs are scarce in academia. Or you could apply to medicine, but that is competitive. What about nursing, physiotherapy? Pure math? What about accounting if you like numbers.
And today you can study practically anything online and watch you tube videos. You don't have to major in it in university.
You can be practical and still have an interesting career.

This is almost exactly the opposite of my experience although it’s going back 20 years. At my school, the children of immigrants were encouraged to go into vocational and well paying fields like medicine, dentistry, engineering, law. While students from more ‘middle class’, as you put it, backgrounds were encouraged to follow their dreams and pursue what they’re most interested in. Consequently these students studied History, Philosophy, Fine Art, Drama etc. It is not hard to guess which group is in the better paying jobs 20 years on.

That was true for me as well (30 years ago). I studied English and history, graduated, and there was few opportunities at that time (didn't want to be a teacher or itinerant professor). So I went back to medical school. I don't regret it, or feel frustrated or stifled. I read history books, watch history videos on you tube. My husband (cybersecurity) is encouraging me to write a historical paper. One of the surgeons I work with studies the American Civil War in his spare time.
I think if you graduate at a time when everyone got a job (baby boomers in the early seventies) studying what ever you wanted to was a luxury you could afford.
I think it's different today. But do remember that university people try to get you to do what they do--probably for various reasons. I know when I decided to go to med school.i was called a traitor and accused of selling out by many people I knew in the humanities. I didn't particularly care. If you're happy with your own choices you don't care what others think.Remember that even if it doesn't work out you can always regroup and take a different path.