To encourage my dd into high paying careers?

[AleaEim]

Silly and lighthearted since my dd is still a baby but lately I’ve been reflecting. DH and I come from disadvantaged backgrounds, we were never encouraged to go to uni or choose something well paid. It’s recently dawned on me (in my mid thirties) that all the wealthy or at least comfortable families I know seem to have chosen money over love for their jobs (or in some cases where my female friends with careers in the arts married men who were in finance) therefore they can afford to live in wealthy parts of London comfortably. I used to think that I’d encourage my DD to chase her dreams but now I’m thinking it’s money she needs to chase which is sad because it goes against my values. I just don’t want her to struggle like we did/ do. We live in a small place, and have very little disposable income. We’re moving up in our roles gradually but we’ll never be loaded as I’m in the public sector and DH in hospitality.

Honestly it’s impossible to assess if she is a baby is she would be suited to a high paying career. Of my three DC it’s only really my middle child, DS, he’s 19 who I think is suited to a high paying career.

Every child should be encouraged to be practical when thinking about careers not just “follow your dreams” vapid aspirations.

I’m thinking about one guy I knew who was a professional violinist but got sick of having no money and trained as an accountant. When you have a trust fund you can do what you like, but the rest of us should be practical.

No need to do a job you HATE just for the money, but it’s stupid to ignore the long-term financial prospects when making A level, degree / apprenticeship decisions.

For lots of reasons. Health reasons, family reasons, gaps in work due to maternity leave etc etc. You must realise that surely?
Also, most people in their 50s are wiser than they were at graduate age and realise that playing the corporate game is just bullshit, as is killing yourself working for companies that don't give a shit about you or your wellbeing. In my 20s and 30s I worked hard and earned a very high salary but it was stressful and long hours and no way id want that life now. I earn less now in my 50s but have a much better work/life balance and the lower salary is 100% worth being able to switch my laptop off at 5 and not give work a second thought.

How utterly depressing and sad

What is your age and job WaziWoozy just out of interest

But having money allows people to chase their dreams, and those dreams don’t have to be work-related. I know very few people who love their jobs, so might as well make money to have fun outside of work, no?

I think it's foolhardy to encourage your kids to follow their heart - my careers teacher did that and refused to tell us what we'd earn for each career. Sure money isn't everything but it's certainly something, struggling to pay your bills is not a life goal. Aim higher.

56. Director at PWC.

Yes, I’m not sure when dreams became synonymous with career aspirations. You can have dreams without feeling the need to monetise them. You could argue that making your passion your work could detract from the enjoyment you get from it.

Why aren’t you switching to a more lucrative career instead of imagining how you’ll one day “encourage” your child to do so? You’ve got bags of time!

So you mean investing instead of just saving? I was always worried I’d lose money that way if the stock market crashed like it did during covid.

I think it’s more about earning and spending their money wisely, my DD has followed her dreams, she has worked hard to qualify for a job she is passionate about and earns above average for her age but definitively not a lucrative career. She has always been exceptionally sensible with money (even as a small child, way beyond her years) She bought her first house as a teenager and has been able to pursue her not inexpensive hobbies as she works hard but also has been very wise with her choices. P.s. her life and childhood have not been easy by any means.
It’s kind of common sense you can’t generally live a comfortable life in London on even an above average salary and if you choose to have a family there you will struggle even more with everything from housing to childcare (as people working in nurseries can’t afford to live there comfortably either) It was the same when I lived there 20+ years ago, why are so many MNs surprised at their reality of living in London??

What's wrong? We want our kids to succeed academically and they did. Education wise we never pressured a field, just nurtured what they wanted to do and advised on the best career path.

I suppose I do want to be aware of making my child anxious and overly concerned with academia, self worth is imprtant too. As much as I want her to be bright, I want her to know if she fails or gets mediocre grades that she can still do well and that I still love her.

It has to be viewed as a long term option. A crash that is a whole market reduction only impacts if you have to withdraw during that point. Generally you would have a well divested fund which balances out if certain markets suffer (equivalent of having funds in both umbrellas and suncream so you are covered whatever the weather as one goes up when the other goes down)

Encouraging your DC into taking education seriously and into well paid jobs us fine. Bullying them to not chose a job they love wouldn't be fine.

Do you want your DD to be able to buy her own home and be financially comfortable? Or do you want to her to rent forever? Given the state of the economy and market here

I think I will encourage my children to study what they are passionate about but then to help them to be aware of the balance of remuneration vs work/life balance of certain careers. Also the emotional strain of having a career that is a passion or that bleeds into home life especially if they want a family and long term relationship. I always knew that when I chose my career over other interests that I had that the pay/work balance would enable me to enjoy hobbies and a lifestyle that I would enjoy but that certain careers wouldn’t suit me as I would strugggle to switch off from a passion. But I love my job too so it was a good decision.

Three of the happiest, least stressed, and comfortably off people I know are a Plumber, an Electrician and a Landscape Gardener. All are well qualified, self-employed and are able to spend quality time with their families.
I don't think they will be swept aside by AI.

You just need to educate them on what certain lifestyles cost and the pros and cons of choosing passion over money. When I was a teen I wanted to go into fashion. My parents didn’t say no but from speaking to them and their friends and knowing the sort of lifestyle I wanted, it ended up picking something more financially stable.

So many girls become fearful of maths. From when they were tiny I pointed out numbers to my girls, on buses and houses. We counted out house numbers and talked about odd and even. When they started school I paid attention to what maths they were doing at school and did little quizes on the way to school. I also told them frequently they were good at maths. Whatever your daughter ends up doing being comfortable with figures will help her to budget and make good financial decisions.

There’s lots of things going on in your post.

Firstly, you suggest your parents didn’t seem to encourage you to go to university (the soft bigotry of low expectations). That’s an easy fix and by all means encourage your daughter to get the best education she can (which btw is not going to university for university’s sake).

Then you mention friends who’ve married rich partners; well you have to meet them, get them to fall in love with you, and convince them you’re not just gold-digging. Not easy. Certainly not worth aiming for. If it happens, it happens.

Finally in terms of pursuing a well-paid job, that’s where I disagree with you. In my experience, it’s true for almost all people that they have to “want” a job as well as be qualified for it. If the only reason you want a job is the money, you’re likely to be found out and not get it in the first place, or not last in it; if you don’t like a job, you won’t be happy, you won’t work as hard as others - again you’ll be found out. You’ll always perform less well than those who love their job and are qualified for it.

In other words, I think you’re setting up a false choice.

FWIW, I have a very well paid job and many of my friends from university don’t, and I always say to them I’m extremely lucky that the job I enjoy doing is one that pays very well. Not something I can help, if it didn’t pay well, I’d still have it.

Not at all unreasonable. I have a 13 year old DD who is lucky to be academic - I’m very much encouraging her to explore high pay careers - it’s an expensive world out there and if she’s going to stand on her own two feet comfortably then a high pay job would be prudent

My parents weren't particularly pushy, nor overly supportive in fairness, but my dad did want me to follow in his footsteps in sales/account management. It's taken me years to recognise that would be the worst role for me and feel comfortable making my own career choices.
So I'd suggest if you want to do anything, help your DC find what they're good at, whether that's academic or otherwise and support them in that.

Having looked at this from the other side, I would absolutely encourage my children to follow their hearts. I did what my parents wanted and hated every minute of it - I've encouraged my kids to do what they wanted (regardless of their degrees) and they seem to be so much happier.