Kindly, Gently...

[MasterBeth]

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

I repond to reminders. I delete gentle reminders.

That said, I hate asking people to do things for me and become confused and wordy and say things like "Would you perhaps be so kind as to possibly pass the salt please?", so it's a good job not everyone is like me.

See, I don't mind people using expressions like 'polite reminder', or adding 'kindly' on to an instruction. I can see people are trying to soften what is basically a command. I get that.

It only really bugs me on here where people preface what is usually some sort of horribly judgemental comment with it. That sort of shit can't be softened and it's all about making the poster feel better about the fact they're being an arsehole.

I find it so patronising. Especially ‘gently’.

I also loath ‘kind hands’ when talking about children. I feel I know what sort of parents they are.

As I said upthread, I wouldn’t dare with anyone but family, but I do get a lot of p/a, sarcastic fun out of making extremely wordy, almost baroque, circumlocutions when asking for something. I like to keep these old traditions going!

I love seeing "kindly" on MN. When I see it I brace myself for some absolute Grade A cuntiness to follow. Very entertaining and the reason I read this site.

If anything "gently" is even worse and tends to precede nuclear-level insults. "Gently, it sounds like you are an unfit mother, a toxic person and the source of all your loved ones' distress."

I loathe seeing loathe written as loath.

Your own language is deliberately manipulative and controlling.

You have even tried to deny me my response by pre-empting what you believe is the next thing I am about to say. It's all a bit calculating and deceitful.

You use very emotive language ("belittling"and "shaming") to describe a straightforward disagreement about the use of language.

It's not shaming to point out that using "Kindly" or "Gently" before a statement can come across as both twee and condescending. It's an attempt to set a tone with no truth behind it. Instead of being kind or gentle, only claiming to be so. It's tantamount to gaslighting.

It is far less bitchy to give a direct and honest answer directly and honestly, without trying to define what the reader should feel about it.

I used to work with someone who put “ polite reminder “ at the beginning of every note, email, whatever bossy request she was making. She was sweetness and light in public, she’d been there umpteen years, but was a right mare to me in private. She also used to take a biscuit from the staff tin, break it in half and put the other half back , as a full biscuit was too much for her.😖. No one else wanted half a biscuit so they got left until they crumbled …

Yes, for me that's the salient distinction between the different usages.

So you don't mind about the person on the receiving end of the "Grade A cuntiness" then?

Hang on a minute. You're claiming to be the victim of language shaming in this? I'm not having it.

You are the one who started with that jeering, mocking tone and continued to be so aggressive with people who have a different opinion and you are doing it in this post.

@PyongyangKipperbang I owe you an apology. I mistakenly labeled you a bully upthread but my post was intended for someone else.

I understand it sometimes, as tone is often hard to convey in writing. If you want to say something that may sound ‘mean’ in raw words, but that’s not how you intend it to land - you’re trying to correct or redirect- I think it’s fair to signpost that.

People who use it then just let rip are unreasonable at every level, so I wouldn’t single out their opening adverb.

People who use it then just let rip are unreasonable at every level, so I wouldn’t single out their opening adverb.

😂

@Swiftie1878 I understand it sometimes, as tone is often hard to convey in writing. If you want to say something that may sound ‘mean’ in raw words, but that’s not how you intend it to land - you’re trying to correct or redirect- I think it’s fair to signpost that.
In which case why not reword it?

My dentist emailed me with "a gentle reminder" of my appointment. Sod off with that.

Well it had to be gentle because you are clearly rather soft in the head and prone to take fright at a straightforward reminder.🙄

What was wrong with 'please'?

Pseudo-sensitivity seems to be the thing now, being 'sensitive' makes a person special, except that almost everyone is 'sensitive' and needs to be handled with kid gloves. I'm surprised that some people can survive at all in a cut and thrust world. They're probably the same people who need to be warned that a TV programme may contain 'upsetting scenes', what they expect watching something like Midsomer Murders I don't know!

I think sensitivity in the sense of being perceptive and mindful of other people’s feelings is a good thing, but sensitivity in the sense of being either touchy or a bit pathetic is obviously not.

Especially when you consider what people in the past had to cope with. I get annoyed when the BBC News gives their warning about ‘scenes which some people may find distressing’. Why should we have the right to be shielded from anything which upsets our super-privileged lives?

Ironic. I actually read the thread, admitted to using ‘gently’ and that based on the thread was going to stop and you still called me patronising, supercilious and having a chip on my shoulder.

I said you seemed to have a chip on your shoulder.

I didn't call you patronising or supercilious. Kindly, I pointed out that something you said could be considered patronising or supercilious. HTH.

Haha, using HTH in reply to this and on this specific thread is glorious. Thank you, I rest my case.

well this thread has degenerated somewhat ...