Kindly, Gently...

[MasterBeth]

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

I think what people really mean if you’re going to be unnecessarily unkind move on past. Some people are already emotionally drained.

I also hate ‘polite notice.’ Just out notice or FAO whoever it is for the attention of…!

the double-negatives got me and I just voted the wrong way!
On MN it seems clear that people say, directly, what they're thinking & feeling, "straight out of the box", so to speak. And that's good.
However, it is also quite appropriate for a pp to flag up that what they're wanting to say is, perhaps, going to be received as confrontational, but is intended to be gently helpful.
So, to say "gently" and "kindly" in a response to an OP is clear and completely acceptable.

On a slightly different note, am I the only one who finds it condescending when people respond to WhatsApp messages with "Bless you" after you offer to help them, especially when they've been complaining about a problem for ages? It feels like they don't actually want help; they just want to vent!

Absolutely hate a gentle reminder, the only reply I would give it is a thumbs-up (and that's only since I've been told that's passive aggressive )

Apologies. I forgot that you need a little warning about tone in order to understand pretty basic adult conversation...

So, that should have said:

Deliberately patronising for comic effect HTH

I haven't found myself writing it but I actually quite like reading it 🙈 It seems to soften the tone and makes what they're saying come across in a more polite manner.

I do think female socialisation and double standards are a factor here. Women are disproportionately likely to be criticised if they are perceived as blunt. So adding words like gentle or kindly can be a defensive strategy,, just like the way iwomen apologise unnecessarily.

It clearly can be passive aggressive, but I have seen the defensive sort a lot more.

I have mostly trained myself out of defensive apologising but am sure I would get pushback if I didn't soften requests in my workplace. Which is infuriating but hard to challenge.

Yes, really good point. I’ve mostly trained myself out of it at work too but female socialisation is powerful!

No, it was me you called a bully. So maybe you did put that in the place you meant it.

I was called manipulative and controlling........go figure

It’s almost like we need to say ‘kindly’ or ‘gently’ before what we say 😆

I feel the same. In my last job I was pulled up a few times for being 'direct' in my emails. I admit I was straight to the point but I did use the words please and thank you too.
I don't want to waste my time, or other people's, using unnecessary waffle in a simple email.
Bullet points were frowned upon too weirdly.

I worked in an organisation where if you disagreed with a more senior emplpyee you had to say 'with respect I .... disagree/think you're wrong/you need a kick in the ass' etc

I think 'gently' means, you need to think about this a bit more bc ..
'Kindly' I take to mean, dont take offence but you are probably wrong.
''Polite reminder" sorry for having to send this but some of our customers default on their appointment bc they forget.

I think the original meanings of those words has been changed around and used as a passive aggressive intimation.

ie ''would you please kindly stop doing that''. Is anyone fooled by it? I doubt it.

<high five>

I feel like we’re a team now.

Can I just ungently say, as a serial name changer, that I’m sort of in awe of both of you keeping your original names all these years - I feel like you should win an award for standing behind what you say!

A gentle reminder is never gentle. It’s so in your face

It’s the new “no offence but….”

I just read it on a thread for the first time (guess I'm a newbie!). I actually thought it was quite nice! Online opinions can come across a bit brash without the nuance you get face to face. So I suppose it's just trying to counter that.

I get irritated by the Mumsnet threads “AIBU to tell you to do this, remind you to do that…” It’s a bit “Listen to me, for I am God”.

When you're typing on line, sometimes the same message could be read either harsh or softer - it's not like you can pick anything up from tone of voice. 'Kindly' gives context ime. What's the problem?

I just saw one on another thread, “please kindly shut up”. This is the context in which it’s often used.

It comes across as sarcastic, PA, whiny and untruthful.

I know that’s not how everyone means it. But it’s common.

Yes, think it’s obviously sarcastic when it’s used in that context. How I’ve used it previously is when what I’m saying is quite sensitive and could sound mean (because a lot of people on here are) but it’s genuinely meant. Based on this thread it’s supercilious though so I’m not doing it again 😂

Yeah, that was my intent when using it. People are dicks on here. Maybe I’ll use ‘Genuinely not being dickish’ in the future.