Kindly, Gently...

[MasterBeth]

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

It’s meant that way (sometimes) but often it’s someone who is PA pretending to be assertive but using ALL the qualifying words.

Basically, I want to say something shitty but I don’t want the consequences. Pick one.

Urgh, I had someone 'softly' ask me to attend a compulsory Town Hall once.

I always put kindly if I send a request over! I'm not being aggressive just nice!

Im guilt of this on fb, if im giving away something for free on a local group, I "politely" request that can they only comment if they can collect from x
....to (try to) stop time wasters saying they want literally anything thats free and either saying its too far for them, or just not bothering to collect

I think it's useful online

Partly because you don't know the person you're talking to

Also partly because so much Internet-speak has woven its way into ordinary language, it's easy to think you're using terminology that everybody knows but they maybe don't. And that can lead to a muddle

Also, I've used it on here when people were piling on to a poster who was struggling to cope with something that other people think is just day-to-day stuff. Sometimes there can be such a big pile on that it's helpful to use these words so they know it's worth replying to you and they know that you're actually willing to help out.

I've had a super shit day because of things that people would probably consider every day normal pedestrian stuff. sometimes it's the tiny things that send you over the edge.

I'm smart enough to know not to post on here in this situation. Though I could probably post on a mental health thread

But some people will post here expecting help and they just get complete shit.

So yeah

But why?

Hi Bloss, any chance you could X. Thanks!

Morning Blossom, I need a favour. Could you X? Let me know if it doesn’t work.

No need for a ‘kindly’.

I need a shower.

Yuk.

I absolutely hate it. It immediately makes my hackles rise and become a snappy arse. And people then become huffy because of course ‘gently, OP.’

Fuck off.

It's clearly intended to make the post seem supportive / tough love when it's nothing of the sort.

Saying kindly, you're a cunt is still calling them a cunt.

I’m not sure.Ive used it to warn the OP that Im going to say something they might not like! I also think people use it to try to fend off the sharks that circulate on AIBU. Doesnt work though

Oh dear. I sometimes say gently at the beginning of something if I’m trying to say something awkward but don’t want to upset anyone. I’m genuinely trying to be nice. I’m not judgemental. I had no idea it was perceived that way. I guess I’ll have to stop ☹️

Another one: "I'm not being funny but........"
Means exactly the opposite 😅

Maybe then it's about the context it is used in.

New marketing campaign for marmite" #kind extract, consume gently "

Hm I’m not usually against the norm but online I’ve seen it written and it seems to be genuine where people see saying something harsh but don’t want it to come across as aggressive. So yeah I’ve seen it as a nice thing.

but I’ve never used it to be fair .

I’m not fond of “or not?” at the end of a question, it sounds aggressive to me. I once posted about this, but nobody else thought so.

Makes me seethe! Quietly and kindly, of course.

But you will upset them if it’s awkward. You have to decide if that’s worth it. Is it constructive, is it fair etc. Saying ‘gently’ doesn’t change any of that, just makes you feel better. Not the other person, generally.

Yeah I do the stewing thing too. Total waste of time, I know.

I started a thread once under a different UN to ask for specific advice on a situation after my dad had died. I got a lot of helpful replies and then someone hopped on to tell me "gently, I know this is sad for you but you can't expect strangers on the internet to sort this out. That's what Google is for". I ended up getting the thread deleted, partly because it was turning into a bit of a bunfight and partly to take away the temptation to respond.

Fair enough. I shall find a better approach. When you know better you do better and all that.

😭😭😭 but if someone is being unreasonable about something sensitive, but they arent a dick, you say 'kindly, yabu' and move on

Whats the big deal

You’ve done the kindest thing in the world. Been reasonable on MN. You must ACTUALLY be a nice person.

Ruining my theory <mutters to self>

It’s patronising and a replacement for “I’m not being rude but…”

I’m in the fence. If it’s something generic like….”kindly, please remember that everyone’s different blah blah blah” then yeah it’s pointless.

But sometimes if I’m responding to a person who has posted something unreasonable but their circumstances are tragic/traumatic, I might say “kindly, YABU” because I understand why they feel
like they do even if they’re being U.

Kindly, gently, get fucked.

I hate it.

Yes, I saw one of those today. Ok, strictly speaking there is no actual sound produced when you post a comment on a thread, but still...

I used to work with someone who often emailed asking, "Could you kindly do x?" I don't know how she didn't realise that it always came across as extremely sarcastic.

It always surprises me how much performative nonsense there is on this site when it's basically anonymous.