Kindly, Gently...

[MasterBeth]

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

Kindly, you sound fucking unhinged 😂

Yes. It would be so much better to say "I don't want to be rude but.." or "This isn't intended to be rude but ...". It still has the effect of softening but at least there is a chance of it being true.

Awww, thanks! I do try to be nice. I have been known to accidentally be patronising. And apparently I’ve upset people by trying to say things gently. I think there’s lots of nice people on here. The few nasty ones are just rather loud about it so they get noticed more, but I don’t think they’re in the majority.

"as you will appreciate".
No, I don't appreciate it. Piss off.

I say it on here as I want to be honest but at the same time show that I’m not just being a bitch.

Some posters do post to be bitchy and I hope that it comes across slightly less malicious.

I didn’t think I said it in person but I actually said it to someone the other day.
He was being a childish twat but I couldn’t say that and so I said something like - gently, I think you’re being a bit immature.

I would have never said it before using MN though.

The thread I’ve been waiting for.

I get the impression posters who use I’d genuinely mean well and want to soften what they’re saying, but it’s just so patronising. Can’t stand it!

Oh god I’m the opposite!

If someone is not polite when asking me to do something then I find it really rude!

I always say please and thank you when asking a colleague to do something and u expect the same in return.

I call them the trapdoor spiders. They lurk about beneath the surface ready to pounce when someone makes a statement that they can leap on and make a big song and dance of, usually derailing the thread with their own pet topic. These accusations often involve labels that end in "ist."

Why do they do this?!
The OP will say it was 7pm & I was cooking dinner when x. The trapdoor spiders (great label ) will ignore the X & start tearing the OP apart because she said dinner not supper or the fact she will be sitting down to eat at 8pm etc and then this will be extrapolated to wild leaps like the OPs dc will become delinquents or her marriage is in trouble.

No, don’t acknowledge it’s going to sound rude but then say it anyway. Just don’t say it!

@Cucy , I find a light 'Norma, could you... please?' is polite.
'Would you kindly...' invokes a 'do fuck off' attitude in me.

Sir pTerry Pratchett wrote t

“...William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offence meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offence meant' than actually to refrain from giving offence.”

Kindly, I don't work in a corporate environment so hadn't heard it before.

This!!!! Love a bit of Terry P 💚

Well, I marginally prefer acknowledgment that it is a bit rude to the self-exoneration in "I'm not being rude..."

Gnu.

This is my thinking, I know people use it sarcastically a lot and it's absolutely rude but there's a few times where I've said it because I wasn't sure if the op would get the tone i was trying to relay and wanted to make sure they knew I was being sincere.

I’m old enough to remember Claire Rayner, a sort of TV and radio health expert/agony aunt. She had this ‘Look, Love…’ opening phrase when asked about some STI or other embarrassing problem. It was meant to come over as a no-nonsense, refreshingly frank, kind and friendly way of putting people at their ease.

I think part of the issue on MN with annoying phrases is that so many people have a superficial acquaintance with psychology-as counsellors, therapists for eg - or maybe from training courses or self-help books and the therapy/counselling jargon filters into their everyday usage.

It’s something said by the most passive aggressive people on the planet…. I can’t stand it. It’s so patronising.

Exactly this!🤣

She was great!

She would be, as you say, kind but no nonsense. Like a boarding school matron dealing with a bed wetter.

Some of her advice was "of its time" but she was kind and I think did genuinely help some people.

Ugh. One of my Mumsnet pet peeves. You always know if a sentence starts with kindly or gently that it's going to be anything but kind or gentle. As others have pointed out, people on here use it as a way to try and excuse being arseholes. It's not a get out of jail free card. It doesn't soften the nasty shit that generally follows it.

If you want to be rude just be rude, don't be disingenuous & think plonking a kindly at the start makes something rude, less rude!

Not sure I’m doing this quite right as quite new to this site.
I don’t think this the post was targeted to work. If you want to pick up, happy to be a contact, having some issues myself.

I love you @MasterBeth

It’s almost universally used by posters who are being MASSIVELY unreasonable. “I gently suggested that having a drink/bicycle ride/fart without my permission in the 5 months before we tried to conceive or during my pregnancy meant he was an alcoholic/was abusive/was both. I could not believe his reaction!”

There are many boards that may help.

On the blue banner at the very top is "Talk" , click on that and then "All talk topics". In there are many subjects, Relationships, Work, Pregnancy, Health, Mental Health etc. Then you can start your own thread to ask for help.

I hope that is useful