Kindly, Gently...

[MasterBeth]

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

I’ve started saying this to my partner when I’m about to bring up a difficult subject because he’s so oversensitive.

Gently, it's a common term for an all company meeting.

Sorry. I sort of don’t mind/quite like it. I think it’s a nice(ish) way of saying to someone you’re wrong and here’s why but I don’t mean to be a knob and I hope you take it in the way it’s intended…

@Gonners , I find the kindly a bit menacing.

@Theboymolefoxandhorse , you may not have intended it to be but it comes across as patronising.

@CoffeeCantata . They probably ask for a report or invoice or something. I'm so crap at making tea even I won't drink it.

I always think it's used to try and make a posters offensive comment seemingly less offensive but it's completely transparent.

Gently OP, do you have a mental health issue?

Kindly OP, you sound like you hate your dc

Used in those terms it absolutely is a clear arsehole move.

An old boss told me this, can I kindly ask - passive aggressive. Never used it since 😂

Instead though you still have to fucking use flattery and charm to get anyone to do anything.

Hey so and so, heard you are really good at X, sounds amazing, can you show me some time.

Rather than, please can you do that things you should have done fucking ages ago.

There’s so much sensitivity on MN though, it pervades everything. And it’s not just the kindly/gently crowd.
Anybody who starts a thread wanting to talk about money for instance, starting threads with ‘ I know we are incredibly lucky’ or something similar because their household salary is £100k. Why does everybody have to be incredibly lucky, when in actual fact they’ve probably worked their arses off to get to that level and made sacrifices. Are people now so sensitive they cannot hear the truth ?

My favourite film is the old Ealing Comedy, Kind Hearts and Coronets, which is hilariously full of extremely polite, p/a phrases. I’ve borrowed one just to irritate my husband. I preface requests with ‘Would it be asking too much of your manners to….?(fill in as required). I find this very amusing, but admittedly I wouldn’t try it on away from home!

What gets me is when people start a post with "Look...", really winds me up. Not sure why exactly, maybe its because I imagine the person writing it to be a bit patronising and bossy IRL

I have an absolute hatred of ‘xxxxx here’ or ‘As a xxxx’ it is pretty much saying everyone listen to me, my opinion on this is gospel. I don’t know why it winds me up so much but it does haha

That and The Lavender Hill Mob are my favourites! Although I would also highly recommend Barnacle Bill (1957) which also has Alec Guinness being completely marvellous!

It’s because pps pounce on OPs about all kinds of details and irrelevancies. If pps confined themselves to answering the bloody question instead of picking apart the OP and reading between the lines, everything could be much more concise.

OPs feel they have to put in endless disclaimers to fend of the predictable jibes and criticisms. It’s very tedious but there are so many pps who just live to nit-pick.

Will look for that one!

Yes, Ealing was brilliant. Those films were very subversive in their subtle way.

I use kindly in work letters and emails, when asking someone to do something. I like it, I'm old and it feels comfortable to me.

Oh I find these funny.

Basically on the surface saying you are an absolute fucking moron (but saying it in a nice way).

They just don't see it from the other person's point of view which is funny.

And somewhere upthread someone has used another of my pet hates to justify the 'kindly', 'gently' BS: 'it comes from a place of...'

It doesn't matter where your patronising crap comes from, it's still patronising crap - but with added verbosity.

Gentle reminder is the absolute worst. It has crept in on emails from the school and work emails. I'm not a child, I can take being reminded without taking offence, I don't need a "gentle" reminder ffs.

It’s rarely kind or gentle when it’s said. It’s like saying “no offence but….”

Entirely unnecessary.

Same as "handhold", I hate that with a passion.

This is one of my pet peeves. See also “I’m not being rude but” … followed by something rude.

These things are not a get out clause to say whatever you like and then not face the consequence of saying something dickish.

Here's another one...

....Thank you for your understanding....
Usually at the end of a ln annoying email and I haven't yet had the chance to decide whether I am actually going to be understanding or not!

😀 If someone says to me "Would you kindly do X", instead of (for example) "Could you please do X", my hackles rise. I am also old, and it's something that has provoked that response for more than 50 years! In my professional life, I would never, ever have said or written it.

I can't explain why ...I have just always hated it.

This. And this again.

I call them the trapdoor spiders. They lurk about beneath the surface ready to pounce when someone makes a statement that they can leap on and make a big song and dance of, usually derailing the thread with their own pet topic. These accusations often involve labels that end in "ist."

I’m one of the people that has used this when I’m trying to make it clear that I’m being genuine, usually when the message is a bit rough, particularly for someone who seems like they’re a bit vulnerable.

Based on this thread, I’m going to stop doing it, and I’ve had a bit of a laugh about / with some of the comments. Your comment though? Gimps and sheep and thoughts of their own? Not kindly, that’s batshit.